Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Dp's ex

68 replies

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:06

Just want a little perspective on this.

Been with my dp for a year and a half and before that he was single for 3 years.

He has his ds 10 every weekend who I haven't met yet. He recently told his ds about me and his exp who was ok about it to begin with.

I have a ds myself who is 16 so I was happy to let him meet dp quicker and it's all good from that side of things.

However his ex then stipulated that he wasn't allowed his ds anywhere near me until she meets someone else. I have respected this and made no issue but now he is selling his house so we can move in together so she is saying he has to rent somewhere where they live to have him at weekends.

She has since found out how long we have been together and that we have been on holiday recently. So now she is refusing to allow dp to see his ds as he's a liar and can't trust him because he didn't inform her of me sooner. She has found this out by snooping on my fb.

As a single parent myself I know that it can be hard to accept your ex moving on but is this any of her business? He does anything for his child, being with me has had no impact on his parenting apart from when we were on holiday I've never spent a weekend with him as he has his ds.

OP posts:

peanutbutterjellysandwich · 17/06/2022 20:08

How bizarre I assume when it goes to court this batshittery will stop

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:09

I know!! I really just want to know if I'm being too harsh thinking she's taking the piss

OP posts:

peanutbutterjellysandwich · 17/06/2022 20:13

I also think your dp should never have indulged his ex like this and should of got this sorted a long time ago

Cherrysoup · 17/06/2022 20:14

It’s not like you’ve only been together 5 minutes. You’re not allowed to meet him til she meets someone else? What batshittery is that?! I hope he tells her he’ll go to court.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/06/2022 20:15

It's your boyfriend's responsibility to take her to court immediately. His ex can't do this unless he allows her to.

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:18

I've told him before he needs to just be honest as it's best in the long run. I get he's trying to spare her feelings but he needs to grow a pair!!

OP posts:

peanutbutterjellysandwich · 17/06/2022 20:34

Interesting he’s putting her feelings ahead of yours…. Hopefully that isn’t reflective of your relationship as a whole

OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 17/06/2022 20:35

Go to court and wipe the floor with her 😂 She is being ridiculous and controlling.

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:41

@peanutbutterjellysandwich not at all he treats me so well and I've always said his ds needs to come first so maybe it's my doing aswell.

I actually know he would do anything for me I just never wanted to cause any animosity between them for their ds sake

OP posts:

peanutbutterjellysandwich · 17/06/2022 20:42

Cool then tell him to take her to court and problem solved

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:44

I think he will have no other choice she's the one causing the rift.

Wouldn't care I've been the one defending her all this time as a fellow woman/single parent

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 17/06/2022 21:29

Whilst I agree that she absolutely nuts about not meeting you until she has someone else, I really don't think that you should be moving in with your partner until both you and your ds have met his ds and had an opportunity to get to know each other as its not fair on the 10 year old child to expect him to move in with 2 strangers and quite frankly is a recipe for disaster.
I think that you have been trying to do the right thing however your partner has created this mess and clearly isn't putting you or his son needs 1st he's putting his own, otherwise he would have spoken to his ex and told her about you a long time ago and introduced his ds to you and your ds. Instead he has lied to his ex and his son about you and has only told him about you because he is moving in with you. Talk about a walking red flag

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 22:14

He wouldn't have been coming here he has been taking him to his parents for the weekend

OP posts:

Hoardasurass · 17/06/2022 23:15

@Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz how long does your partner think that its acceptable to live with a woman and her son during the week and spending weekends with his ds at his (dps) parents? I'm not asking this to be a dick but because this is not a healthy setup for his ds it's 1 that could very easily cause resentment and emotional problems for him and that's without his mum dripping poison in his ear.
I know that you don't want to hear this but you moving in with your partner without having a relationship with his son is a bad idea the fact that your dp thinks that this is a good plan is a huge red flag, would you want your ex to treat your son in this way at age 10?

Eddiesferret · 17/06/2022 23:38

Make an application.
Go to HMCTS online.
Fill in C100
Pay £215 (reduced if he is on low wage)
Ask her to attend mediation
If she refused get that signed off and go directly to court .
If she agrees to mediation no mediator would agree her terms.. any agreement will go to court and form the order.

If complicated - money /property involved then you need a lawyer. If not then you don't need one . Most these days are self represents . Just tell the court the issue no need to dress it up.

Her terms are simply unreasonable.
He will get an order and end this batshittery.

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 18/06/2022 01:44

@Hoardasurass apologies it's not clear from my op. He works away all week - sometimes on site and sometimes from my house. He and his ex had separate homes in their hometown

OP posts:

allboysherebutme · 18/06/2022 02:19

He needs to liven up and take her to court,

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 25/07/2022 23:27

So just to update.

Things are getting worse. She now says she isn't letting me meet dp's ds until she's met me.

And that he is to cry if his dad introduces us without her agreeing

OP posts:

Loocheeyar · 25/07/2022 23:40

Just go with it and meet her for an easy life
she may not be over thinking things once she has met you

BungleandGeorge · 25/07/2022 23:47

i don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to ask to meet you if you are moving in together but clearly she can’t dictate the rest of it. I do think it might be a bit difficult for his son if he goes from never met you to having you there every time he visits his Dad so maybe you need to come up with a plan with his Dad for a more gradual introduction?

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 25/07/2022 23:50

I totally agree with this but it has been further complicated by her not being able to afford where she was living so has moved back into the home they lived in and he has to take his ds to his parents every weekend 3 hours away. I work weekends. Gah I'm sure we will work it all out

OP posts:

BungleandGeorge · 26/07/2022 00:10

I’m not sure I’m with you on the living situation? Do you mean they currently live together? And he has to take his son elsewhere at weekends?
tbh if you work at weekends that’s no bad thing as he can spend most of the time with Dad and build a relationship with you more slowly in the evenings.

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 26/07/2022 00:53

He works away through the week. Sorry I didn't say that. It's very complicated

OP posts:

LilyMarshall · 26/07/2022 00:57

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 26/07/2022 00:53

He works away through the week. Sorry I didn't say that. It's very complicated

If it is very complicated, why are you getting involved?

do they share a house?

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 26/07/2022 07:13

@LilyMarshall I am involved because we are together and have been for 20 months. This wasn't complicated to begin with, we both did everything we could to not upset his ex and make it as easy as possible for his ds.

He hasn't been unreasonable and always put him first. I haven't pushed for anything I know this happens on their terms and in their time.

She is at a point where she is emotionally manipulating a 10 year old

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread