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Original poster

Dp's ex

68 replies

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 17/06/2022 20:06

Just want a little perspective on this.

Been with my dp for a year and a half and before that he was single for 3 years.

He has his ds 10 every weekend who I haven't met yet. He recently told his ds about me and his exp who was ok about it to begin with.

I have a ds myself who is 16 so I was happy to let him meet dp quicker and it's all good from that side of things.

However his ex then stipulated that he wasn't allowed his ds anywhere near me until she meets someone else. I have respected this and made no issue but now he is selling his house so we can move in together so she is saying he has to rent somewhere where they live to have him at weekends.

She has since found out how long we have been together and that we have been on holiday recently. So now she is refusing to allow dp to see his ds as he's a liar and can't trust him because he didn't inform her of me sooner. She has found this out by snooping on my fb.

As a single parent myself I know that it can be hard to accept your ex moving on but is this any of her business? He does anything for his child, being with me has had no impact on his parenting apart from when we were on holiday I've never spent a weekend with him as he has his ds.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:03

My dp works away all week. So when you say he gets all the fun stuff he has zero social life so that's rather unfair

OP posts:

LilyMarshall · 30/07/2022 23:04

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 22:58

He pays cms and everything else for his ds - even buys his weekly shopping. He also has him all weekend every weekend

All weekend every weekend is awful for the mother. When is her fun time with the child?

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:04

This is all only because she found out about me and she's using that against him

OP posts:

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:05

@LilyMarshall this is how SHE wants it

OP posts:

LilyMarshall · 30/07/2022 23:06

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:03

My dp works away all week. So when you say he gets all the fun stuff he has zero social life so that's rather unfair

Thats parenting. how much parenting is he actually doing? What doctors / dentist / hair dressers / school runs?

working away during the week is fine pre-children, but when you have a child that option goes. Because you need to parent.

LilyMarshall · 30/07/2022 23:07

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:05

@LilyMarshall this is how SHE wants it

so he would be able to have the child during the week and work away? 🤔

wellhelloitsme · 30/07/2022 23:08

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:03

My dp works away all week. So when you say he gets all the fun stuff he has zero social life so that's rather unfair

He gets all of the non school time while his ex does the full school week.

Whether that's because of his job or not, he still gets the 'fun' time as he gets all weekend every weekend.

Can you really not see that it's a raw deal? It's worth thinking about because if the ex is an arsehole, a situation setting her up to feel resentful doesn't seem like a great idea.

And while yes his job means being away in the week, it's presumably not the only job in the world that he could do and lots of people change their job in order to accommodate their parental responsibilities.

wellhelloitsme · 30/07/2022 23:10

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:05

@LilyMarshall this is how SHE wants it

So it's not his job making it impossible?

If "SHE" wants it that way, it doesn't mean that's the way it has to be.

He could have said no, actually I would like to see my son during the week too and for you (his ex) to be able to spend some weekend time with him too rather than all the school stuff and grunt work...

Olive19741205 · 30/07/2022 23:39

All weekend every weekend is awful for the mother. When is her fun time with the child?

😂Sure it is.

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:40

@Olive19741205 exactly!!

OP posts:

Googlecanthelpme · 30/07/2022 23:45

Look it really doesn’t matter what she says she’s going to do and it really doesn’t matter that her solicitor thinks it’s “reasonable” to request to meet a new partner (it’s neither a legal requirement or would even been a consideration to the family court outside of safeguarding).
So just take her to court, if he can afford it then solicitor, If he cannot afford it and has half a brain then he can do it himself.

All this tying yourself in circles trying to placate someone because you’re (as in your partner) scared of what she “might do”

well she cannot do anything legally. He is entitled to see his child and a swift letter from a solicitor or a court invitation may be all that is required to get her to drop the issue.

they’ve not been together for 4 years and she still cares about her ex moving on? Are you sure he doesn’t play into it a bit?

All you have to do is the most basic Google around contact orders and access rights to see that outside of safeguarding there is never a case of refusing access.

in the nicest way, you’re worrying over nothing - not nice for your partner to not see his child for a few weeks I know, but the sooner he gets that court application submitted the sooner you can have it all settled

Bindayagain · 30/07/2022 23:53

So many fathers on Mumsnet work away - I always wonder what jobs they do. I don't know anyone in RL who does this!

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:54

He is a civil engineer on site. Actually ridiculous that I have to defend his career now

OP posts:

Quitelikeit · 30/07/2022 23:55

Please go to court. If you don’t this woman will continue to control, manipulate and ruin your lives at every opportunity.

your partner should stop topping her up financially too.

she can buy her own food and that’ll teach her for biting the hand that feeds her!

buy a cheap sim phone and only switch it on before pick up. Then promptly switch it off.

or an email address checked only once a week

LilyMarshall · 31/07/2022 00:02

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 30/07/2022 23:54

He is a civil engineer on site. Actually ridiculous that I have to defend his career now

It is really not. You're saying it is the mother wanting him to have weekend contact, and also that he cannot have weekday contact as works away. People are saying working away during the week is a luxury most parents do not have. It is only possible if the other parent does the majority of parenting. Lots of women have to completely give up careers when becoming a single parent. Your dp is incredibly lucky his ex facilitates his career.

but your original point is different. She has no right to say who he can and cannot introduce to the child. He can go to court. Why he has put up with this for so long is a mystery.

CorvusPurpureus · 31/07/2022 00:03

Ok, so he works away all week, except when he's with you, & has the ds at weekends at his parents.

& his ex lives in their shared property with the ds.

& he doesn't have a separate place.

Have you...erm...heard any of this from anyone but him? Spoken directly to the ex? Met his parents?

Original poster

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 31/07/2022 00:17

I've given up with this thread since dp is going to be portrayed as the bad one in true mumsnet style. I'm only interested in the perspective of my original query none of the twisting of the narrative in favour of his ex partner. She is being a cow, he has tried to keep it amicable. She is unreasonable so he will get a court order

OP posts:

Bindayagain · 31/07/2022 00:25

Of course what she is demanding is not ok. Going down a more official court route is best for all of you.

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