When your child’s abilities don’t match their aspirations…

[AloyNoraWarrior]

What’s the best approach?
A) Tell them they can do/be anything they want
B) Be encouraging but honest about requirements. For example, highlight the qualifications and steps needed to achieve the goal
C) Gently steer away towards something more achievable/suitable
D) Be brutally honest and crush their dreams

Surely the school has had open conversations with him? He's only doing 4 GCSEs? Is he in mainstream?

Is there a reason (SEN) why he's only being entered for four GCSEs? If so, it's possible that universities would consider him under equal access/disability discrimination criteria a especially if he shows a particular talent in the area he wants to study. If it's just that he's not very academic then I agree that he will need to reconsider his options.

For your DS, does he realise what you get at 16 isn't the end, and he can do more qualifications later on?

I'm doing a mixture of A/B/C at the moment with DD, just turning 11. She wants to be a vet, but has dyslexia which makes exams difficult. I know Vet training is very competitive... but we talk a lit about different jobs with animals, conservation etc so she knows there are different options not just the 'top' job.

University researcher isn't going to happen without excellent A levels then a good degree. Telling him anything else would be lying to him. However, if you look at the academics board you'll also see that it can be a pretty miserable job (low pay, short contracts, no security) which would give an opening for a discussion that's not based on his skills.

Many science research fields require technicians, particularly in companies but also universities. Skilled technicians are likely to have much better job options and work-life balance and have far more choices, without necessarily having gone to university. If it's an arts field (e.g. military history), doing research as a hobby is far more fun because you can choose what you research and you get more time because there are no deadlines. You don't have to research what a publisher or funding agency tell you to. Would either of these avenues provide a better option?

He could get into uni with a level 3 or Access course but would need the core gcses/level 2 first. Perhaps focus on that first, even if it takes more than one sitting. What are the entry level subjects? A combo of A, B, C.

I went through B and C with my DS before going for D. It was brutal, I know, but he thank me not too long after. He’s now pursuing a career in a related field, in line with his skills and talents.

Does his school have a careers person who could map out what routes are available to him with the qualifications he plans to take?

He’s not in mainstream and does have SEN. We had a chat with school last week. They kinda skirted around the whole A Levels thing and said 3 GCSEs would be enough to get him onto a Level 2 College course. He seemed happy with that so I don’t think he understood.

He has excellent reading abilities but very low understanding/comprehension. It’s hard to know where his true abilities sit as he completes no work. Ever. I can’t imagine him actually sitting in an exam answering questions.

Depends. B for academics, D at times. Ds asked if he was likely to be able to get to international level in a particular sport at university - he's literally tried this sport once 3 years ago. So I said it wasn't very likely but he could probably do well at college level. Actually is that more C?

I'm not really a 'you can be anything' type and no doubt this is partly why I've achieved extremely limited success in life. But I can only be the person I am.

He would not need any gcses to get on a level 2 course, they are the equivalent level. He would be required to continue English and Maths (or Functional Skills) until he passed them.

Is there anything related you could steer him into? Does he actually understand what research involves?
Ideally he’d decide himself to take another route.
You could also take the approach that he can always do more GCSEs later if he does well in these ones.

@AloyNoraWarrior could I ask which area of research? I work for an RTO and we have researchers who have worked their way up without a degree.

Depends on the age, the child, the mismatch.

One thing I never do is A because it’s patently untrue. For everyone.

My approach so far was to tell him that he didn’t have to follow a traditional trajectory of GCSE, then A Level, then Uni, and could take longer getter the required qualifications. His teacher then said he can stay in education with his EHCP until he’s 25. I’m not sure if that’s true or how it works.

He would hate being an actual research person. I think he thinks it’s sitting on Google all day looking up stuff that interests him. Which is basically how he spends his time.

It’s Zoology he wants to study at University. He doesn’t want to work in any animal related job except Zoology.

Definitely not A. That’s my SIL’s approach “you can do anything if you work hard and set your mind to it”. Umm no if you don’t have the ability there are careers that are out of your reach. I’m a mix of B/C depending on the age and temperament of the child.

On the plus side he has decided to hiking and camping with School as he said if he’s going to be out researching animals he needs to get used to their habitat rather than the habitat of his bedroom. 😁

I’m going with B at the moment

Definitely option B

I think you need min 5 GCSEs for A levels. No I would not say anything to him - in fact I would encourage him. All children sen or not change their minds about future careers - what is important is he knows you think he’s great.

🙂

Also - he might start on the path of his dreams and get sidetracked into something similar that he finds he loves. You can still highlight the steps he needs to do to achieve his goal just don’t tell him you don’t think he is capable. I mean what age is he - about 14? No point telling him he is limited at this age

It's good to know that his passion is strong enough to lure him out of his bedroom comfort zone for a while. And maybe once he can concentrate on his special interest he'll be more motivated to put the work in -- though I can see getting to that point might be a problem!

If you live somewhere vaguely near the countryside, maybe he could get into outward bound type stuff. I've been on residentials and met people studying for qualifications that take in local plant life/ animals etc and then teach other people about it. I was v academic in my youth. Now though, I like the idea of being outside more.

He can stay in education until 25 with an EHCP provided he is progressing.
However if he completes no work, it's going to be hard.

Obviously A levels you learn stuff then sit exams.

Alternatively he could go via the BTEC route. So there is Level1/2/3 Animal care/management and I expect that if he did well enough at the L3 animal Management he could go on to do zoology. However that would have regular assignments which would require work...

There are other avenues into fields of interest, it does not begin and end with A levels. It might take him longer to get there, but if he’s determined he’ll get there in the end. I do feel like some parents are obsessed with their children doing A levels when realistically it is not suitable for all students.

It is so difficult with children and their aspirations vs their ability. The DS of one of my best friends is struggling with his A levels - he’s currently Y13. I don’t know if she was unaware of his academic limitations or was just trying to be a supportive mum, but I can’t help feel if she was more realistic about what was achievable she would have steered him towards subjects that he would have done well at and enjoyed, but he is/was so fixated on doing one particular subject she was drawn into this.

Her DS originally wanted to do a maths at A level, but as he sat Foundation maths the highest grade he could achieve was a 5 - the minimum requirement is a 6 for A level. When I very gently pointed this out she seemed to think he was a late bloomer and the school would overlook his grade as he had made a lot of improvement in a very short time, which is true.

Much to say, no such exception was made and as a result he ended up doing three sciences at A level, as they felt this was his best chance of getting on a maths degree course.

Two years on and it now it looks like he might leave school with just one A level, having struggled with the course content, he has already written off one subject and is struggling with another and is pinning all his hopes on the third.