I can't afford life, I don't know what to do

[VirginMedium]

I earn a pretty good wage for the last 5 years or so. but I am a SP to a teen and a tween and I haven't always. over the years I have added to the mortgage and bought things on HP to pay for maintenance and washing machines, dryers etc. it has caught up with me. I have about £10k in loans and I am at my £2k overdraft limit and it's only the 9th of the month, 3 weeks until pay day.

I don't think we are extravagant, and my eldest works part time and funds herself mostly. it is pretty much just household bills and credit payments!

WTAF am I going to do??

I always find it interesting on MN how most people will say they USED to struggle but don't now. I wonder if a lot of people are simply fabricating or MN has a very fixed demographic of perfectly well off users. Everyone claims to have been poor, but not any more, and they all have the answer for how to cure it.
According to MN, the NOW is gooooood! So many of us are just mind-numbingly comfortable. These must be good times.

@Beatrixpotterspencil they probably mean when they were students at university.

I entered an IVA a few months back as my debt was around £600 a month and I'm a single parent, I now pay just one payment of £119 and that's all my debt in 6 years it will be done and I'll have a whole new credit score. I have a fairly newish car 18 plate which I purchased out right and I didn't have to sell it. I really recommend at least looking into IVAs because without sounding like I'm in an AD for one I honestly felt like I could breathe again.

What’s your point? Apart from sounding quite horrible? And offering no advice?
22 years ago I was a single mum, not much money, struggling to make ends meet (and spending too much on credit cards tbh). Now I’m not single, kids are grown and working and I earn decent my money as does my OH, we’re lucky, but I’ve definitely been in the exact place the OP has been and just want to offer some advice and supportive words!

@Beatrixpotterspencil

Some of us once lived on a low income and now do not. In my case exh was post doc and I had dd... things got progressively better with pay rises, promotion, me returning to work etc. it was 20 years from hand to mouth to spending without thinking about it (then he left me for a younger model! But since I've met dp and finances are fine)

Most people get into debt when they’re in their 20s. Becoming a student actually is what changed my life very positively financially.

By 30s many will have better jobs, a partner etc and that tends to resolve problems, with more money coming in.

@Beatrixpotterspencil in my case it was unwisely using credit to prop up a business that wasn't really going anywhere.

We ended up with over £40k of unsecured debt on a household income of around £25-30k. Times were very hard for a good few years.

But that was nearly 20 years ago and we got out of debt, got half decent paying jobs so obviously are far more comfortable these days.

Oh and when I was a child my dad was a striking miner in the 1980s which meant a year of no income except the bit of part time work DM could pick up and handouts from miners welfare charities across Europe.

So when some of us talk about past struggles we are talking from experience not making shit up for shits and giggles.

Agree with so many other posters - contact StepChange. They're helping me right now, and the relief is amazing. You think there's no way out, and suddenly they're showing you the path.

Call your local Citizens Advice Bureau right now. They will get you sorted with all gov schemes, debt repayment plans, public schemes. They will help advocate for you. Def first port of call.

Maybe all the people who are struggling are reading this thread for advice. The people commenting are those who have been through it. Your comment makes no sense.

No, stepchange are terrible. What you want is a church debt advice centre who can go over your income and expenditure, free of charge, and write on your behalf to your creditors and offer a token payment for six months or a year while you get yourself sorted.

Yes, your credit rating will be affected but so what? You don't want any further debt right now anyway.

They are very helpful and then you can either live off the money you earn for a bit or pay off some of the larger debts.

You can run up gas and electric to thousands then apply for the fund to have it cut in half. They overcharge many people anyway, they have had your payments times over.

Screw your credit rating. Get all the help and write offs you can and then move up from there.

You just don't know what other people are dealing with. I was hard up at uni, but after graduating would never have really struggled financially except for giving up work unexpectedly for two years to support a dying parent and the spouse who wasn't coping, plus look after a toddler who couldn't cope with nursery ( undiagnosed SEN so no DLA or other benefit), and help with the fall out of a house fire. Shit times.

The extended family needed me not to work, you can't employ someone to juggle the tasks I was doing- what would they be employed as, a nanny? a carer? family advocate? part time administrator to keep the pressure on a bastard insurance company to pay up? The lack of second salary was tough. I'm back at work now, things are comfortable again but I USED to struggle.

You employ carers and do the rest in the evenings and weekends. Giving up work is much easier. But sadly lots of people do have to work and still do it all.

I’m sorry but this is a nonsense.

I’ve worked in care and nursed several family members virtually bed bound.

The max care package we could get was 5 visits.
morning 20 minutes
mid morning 10 minutes
afternoon 20 minutes
tea time 20 minutes
bed time 10 minutes

Roughly an hour - hour and half daily for people who could not even get to the toilet on their own.

”you employ carers”

what a load of waffle.

We paid carers a few times to do a full overnight so we could get some sleep and it cost a few hundred quid for each night.

@Caramac555 had a very similar experience to you, no house fire but more relatives. I hope you now have DLA for your little one and more support there.

I have had this experience. If carers are not enough then they go into a home.

The maximum I could get for my relative was 4 visits for up to an hour each every day, plus the district nurse visiting regularly. The length of time varied, shorter visits at the start, longer later on.
This was at the end of last year.
My father-in-law who had money to pay for carers had more than that. He had people stay overnight as well.
I think if you can leave work and care for a relative they will get better care than with carers going in and better than a home if they can be managed at home still. But plenty of people can't do that. For me it was between working and losing the home for my kids. So no choice at all.

@antelopevalley we had to fight for 12 - 18 months in each case to get said relatives into a home. There were no suitable places - someone has to die for there to be a place available and there were wait lists.

My Mum was mid 50s I was not putting her into a home. And she didn’t deserve to be there.

As I said I was in a similar situation to PP but dealing with 3 incapacitated relatives and an SEN kid. Had to drop to part time. No option.

You have to step away for them to go into a home quickly.
But my point was you did have a choice. Your children were obviously not made homeless by you switching to part time.

We did. Had countless meetings with social workers saying that no one was available as too much to deal with. If necessary I would have brought family to live at my parents and just lost the house.

@milkmaiden Sorry, but Stepchange aren't terrible IMO and that of many other posters.

They literally do everything you say needs to be done - working with you on your income and expenditure list, going through your essential outgoings, assessing where you might be paying more than average for things, and then coming up with a range of options. You choose the one that suits you.

Like the solution you offered, this is completely free of charge. Stepchange is a government-funded debt charity and I have nothing but praise for the help they've given me.

You have been extravagant and probably greedy. You say you have a good wage, yet you have borrowed thousands. Why is it, people can't save for the things they want? Why can't people buy secondhand until they can afford to buy new? You only have yourself to blame, go, and talk to your bank. All fur and no knickers.

Does dad not pay child maintenance? We only survive because my child’s bio pays what he does.
Sounds like you are really going to have to take a hard look at your finances & cut back or change some things.
How often do you change your broadband package or call your TV supplier to negotiate a better package? Do you have any subscriptions you could do without?
Do you search around for car insurance at renewal time or just imagine your current provider is giving you the best deal as you are a long term customer?
There are also ways to save when buying food. Brands are not always better!
I also use lots of cashback & receipt scanning for cash back apps & I put that money away for rainy day or birthdays.
Could you remortgage for a better offer or downsize for a smaller mortgage?
Things are very hard for lots of people right now so I hope you manage to find a way to make this work.
Also please make sure there aren’t any in-work benefits you could be entitled to.

CFS suffered here too. I also have fibro & a few other issues so am unable to work but the CFS is probably my biggest hurdle every day.
I carried a 30kg bag of cat little to the till in my local pets at home then to car then from car to home on Thursday & it knocked me so sick by Friday I couldn’t get dressed.
Had to do school run in PJ’s so I am glad I drive as just had to chuck 10yr old out of the car at gates. I was just ok to drive or I’d have had to phone someone to take her to school as our area isn’t great so I would worry about her all day if she did!

Have you applied for PIP? It is not means tested so is for people who are working & not who have to function with disabilities & illnesses that limit what they can do, how much they can do & make things harder for them to do than able bodied people.

@Grrrrdarling PIP are terrible liars. I have lost most of my bowel due to an inherited condition and they said I have no difficulties in using the bathroom. I can barely walk with a walking stick and they said that because it wasn't a 'prescribed aid' it didn't count. There are days I can't get out of bed because of my fibro and they said that I am able to go about my day normally. I suffer terribly with depression and anxiety and have suicidal tendencies and they said that because I haven't been hospitalised for them they don't count. I struggle with all every day activities and my husband is basically my carer and they said that I am fit and well. The funny thing is when I had my bowel removed ESA deemed me unfit to work at all. I don't trust PIP

You need to fight them, shouldn’t have to but we are all tarred as work shy liars, & have someone official with you at any assessment.
I’ve not yet managed to apply as I barely cope having the ESA assessment hanging over me 😭I’ve got some notes done towards answering sections but I just break down & cry when I try to dissect how sh1t my life is & how little I can now do for myself.
My mum has Crohn’s disease so completely understand how much bowel issues can & do effect your life. I have PCOS & have been left with severe pelvic pain & monthlies after emergency c-section to deliver my daughter. I have a few friends with Endometriosis too so I hear you on that pain as well & send gentle hugs.
Do not let them tell you how much these things effect your life fight them for what you are entitled to 😘
It is all about how you word things on the form & 9 times out of 10 their decision is overturned.
Took me 18months, going to tribunal & having a mental health advisor with me at me next assessment to get back into the ESA support group. Luckily they did the court but without me, despite me saying I wanted to be there, & they also a arced it back to me for a reason I hadn’t even mentioned 🙄
I honestly believe they are paid to fail us at every turn & make our lives as hard as they can.
I want to work. I hate being stuck at home trying to function in some way like a normal parent everyday but I know I can’t. It has take. 11yrs for me to come to that realisation & it is still soul destroying.
Hang on, fight for what you are entitled to & make them pay you what you deserve.

@Blantw that's an incredibly unkind post. People come to mumsnet for advice and support, not to have people act as judge and jury. I'm sure the OP herself is well aware that she's overspent but as she says it's on bills and not budgeting well enough- we aren't talking cruises and Ferraris.