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Original poster

I can't afford life, I don't know what to do

156 replies

VirginMedium · 09/06/2022 18:56

I earn a pretty good wage for the last 5 years or so. but I am a SP to a teen and a tween and I haven't always. over the years I have added to the mortgage and bought things on HP to pay for maintenance and washing machines, dryers etc. it has caught up with me. I have about £10k in loans and I am at my £2k overdraft limit and it's only the 9th of the month, 3 weeks until pay day.

I don't think we are extravagant, and my eldest works part time and funds herself mostly. it is pretty much just household bills and credit payments!

WTAF am I going to do??

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 09/06/2022 21:13

First thing is stay calm - there are lots of people in your position.

Second thing is you shouldn’t pay anything for debt management, there are government funding charities - eg Step change and citizens advice bureau, who will help you. Do not use a private company.

Ring Step Change in the morning. You will be able to get everything frozen (so the interest doesn’t mount up), and and agree an amount to pay monthly. The step beyond that is an IVA, where you declare insolvency and some of the debt is removed and a payment plan agreed. The latter will have more of an impact on your credit rating.

You are going to have to accept some impact on your credit rating, but with the first option in particular it will come back. There will be a lot of people in the same boat right now, and your are obviously not in a position to borrow more anyway, so there doesn’t seem to be a compelling reason not to do this.

antelopevalley · 09/06/2022 21:13

Your debt level for someone struggling is still fairly low. You are doing well to tackle it now before it gets worse.

Original poster
VirginMedium · 09/06/2022 21:14

@Manekinek0 groceries! we spend so much on food. you're right we can cut down in this area. it has to be all the small stuff. I don't make big purchases (apart from household appliances). I don't spend on clothes, holidays etc I don't drink, hardly ever go out. I have written a budget a million times. I have disposable income, not alot but I should be able to stay within it really I think, most months. I don't know how it gets so out of control

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money
Original poster
VirginMedium · 09/06/2022 21:14

@antelopevalley thank you, that does make me feel better

OP posts:
flowerycurtain · 09/06/2022 21:16

You are not stupid. You're a normal human being in a bit of a sticky patch.

like Others have said head to Moneysavingexpert.com Forums. Especially the debt free wannabe one. They are invaluable and some wonderfully helpful people on there

JangolinaPitt · 09/06/2022 21:16

Why is their father not contributing?

Porcupineintherough · 09/06/2022 21:18

When my mum had her back against the wall financially (no job, husband in prison) she moved herself into my bedroom and got a lodger. I'm sure it's not something you want to do but it is something you can do, if you get really desperate.

Watchkeys · 09/06/2022 21:19

When you write your multiple budgets, do you add your yearly stuff? Car tax/maintenance, TV licence etc? Things you just pay once a year? This is often a source of inaccurate budgeting. Also, putting bills down as what you spent in June, rather than looking at the 'annual estimate' on the bill and breaking that down.

antelopevalley · 09/06/2022 21:23

I would recommend debt free moneysavingexpert forums for support. There are people on there who have £100k plus debt just from buying clothes and nice food. They understand what it is like and will give you support to stick to a realistic budget

antelopevalley · 09/06/2022 21:24

Also it is easy when you move from being skint to a decent wage to think you should be able to spend lots of money now. Lots of people get into that mindset and overspend. In reality you still need to budget.

illbeinthegarden · 09/06/2022 21:24

I'm in a plan with step change and wish I'd of bitten the bullet sooner. I'm a lone parent with a full time job and a part time job but although I've always worked didn't always get a good wage so the debt crept in.. I was keeping up with all my minimum payments but not actually reducing the balance as only paying minimum. I'd of been doing that for years and years so I decided to tackle it!

Yes my credit rating has nose dived as I'm not paying the minimum payments on some debts and so accounts have defaulted but it's a necessary evil. All accounts are in the plan and I'm not paying any interest all have agreed to the lower payments but it won't stop the defaults I'm afraid. I'll be debt free in 2024 and without this I'd never be free so im taking the hit on my credit rating. It's ok though not as scary as I thought.

This past year was the first year ever I've not put any Christmas presents on credit I was super proud!

It's been a real learning curve and really forced me to look at why and how I spend money and start to say no to stuff.

It feels like such a scary leap into the unknown but step change have been great and the credit companies I've spoken too have all without exception been fantastic!!

Good luck 🙂

louloubelx · 09/06/2022 21:28

If you need a helping hand with budgeting, there is a great, free app called HyperJar. You basically have Jars that you pop money in and spend accordingly… if your food bills are too high, why not set up weekly Jars and stick to them. You can set your card to spend from Jar one, the first week, two the second etc so you are less likely to overspend? It might be one way of helping….

5128gap · 09/06/2022 21:33

You don't need to post your income and expenditure as its clear what the problem is. You're servicing unaffordable levels of non priority debt. You need to negotiate reduced payments on your CC and loan either with help from Citizens Advice or using on line template letters on the money advice service website.
Oh, and open another bank account to get your wages paid into to stop the bank hoovering it all up for your OD and charges. You can then negotiate installments to repay your OD.

SheilaWilcox · 09/06/2022 21:38

One of the things I did when I was struggling was ask my bank to send me statements weekly instead of quarterly. It was a while ago as most people use apps and online banking now, but having to go through my statements line by line with a highlighter pen really helped me see where my money was going and separate it into essentials / nice to have / luxuries / habitual spending. So if there was £20 taken out of a cash machine, what did I use it for, or did I just take it out because I like to have some money in my purse?
You're not stupid.

antelopevalley · 09/06/2022 21:40

In terms of food, it can be easier to take out cash for the week that you allocated. It can be easier to overspend using cards.

VerifiedBot2351 · 09/06/2022 21:48

Is a second job an option? I’m a teacher and I’m currently applying for weekend jobs. If I could earn an extra £60 a week that would really ease things.

EwwSprouts · 09/06/2022 21:50

You are not by far the only one facing this situation. And it is happening to couples where both are earning too. The speed at which the cost of living is rising is catching people out.

Please talk to Citizens Advice. Their debt advice service is free.

WombatChocolate · 09/06/2022 21:59

Definitely approach CAP or StepChange.
One of the biggest things is knowing you’re not dealing with this alone and that there are people who can and want to help you.
Often when people try to struggle on alone, the problem gets worse.

I know you feel daft for getting into this situation and that asking for help is humiliating and you should be able to sort it out. Most people are proud and don’t like to ask for help. But these charities know exactly how you feel and there is no judgement and just an ability and willingness to help you understand some of the possibilities which can help you. They won’t make you do anything but talk you through various options and things you and they can do to help in the immediate, medium and longer terms. It will be up to you what you do.

So many people say that as well as getting their finances under control, the huge thing is the massive burden and weight lifted off their mind by talking to someone. They have seen dents far far worse than yours and they are trained in how to help and can make a massive difference as lots on this thread have shared about themselves or their families situations.

I hope that even tonight you feel a bit more hopeful. Go online to CAP and StepChange and the websites will tell you exactly how to get in touch. You’ll start to feel a bit better as soon as you make contact.

And don’t worry about drawing up budgets and all that stuff right now. The charities will tell you what information they will need and guide you about gathering it, especially if that’s not so easy….and it isn’t for everyone.

All the best.x

TheLadyDIdGood · 09/06/2022 22:01

List all monthly expenses in a spreadsheet sheet so you can see what you're spending on. Consider cancelling or switching to cheaper subscriptions & deals.

For groceries, switch to a cheaper supermarket like Aldi or Lidl. I switched from Morrisons to Aldi and saved £20 per week. Get your kids to sort through kitchen cupboards & list what is available. Then you can meal plan with what you've already got in. Technically, you should only buy fresh produce and dairy now. This will reduce your food bills and waste for a while.

Sell old and unwanted goods and clothes on vinted (no fees), fb market place & local selling sites. Any profits & savings that you make put towards building up a small emergency fund & reducing debt.

Crocsandshocks · 09/06/2022 22:03

What interest rates are you paying on your debts?

Gymnopedie · 09/06/2022 22:04

www.gov.uk/pip you should apply for Pip

OP has already explained that she is in receipt of PIP.

Is a second job an option? I’m a teacher and I’m currently applying for weekend jobs.

OP has already explained that for health reasons a second job is not an option.

MNHQ must sometimes wonder why they bothered with see next/see all on the OP's posts.

LifeInsideMyhead · 09/06/2022 22:06

Can you honestly look at your outgoings over the last month. and list them.
so how much on bills/food/takeaways/tv/clothes/phone/
There are some blank budget lists if you google.

If you dare post them here/mse people will help you cut back as it looks like spending is the issue? Life is so expensive. I often think we "should" be able to pay for xyz and yet we can't :(

22N · 09/06/2022 22:06

orangeisthenewpuce · 09/06/2022 19:09

When I was struggling for money as a single parent I got an evening job in a bar a few nights a week. I also did the old mn favourite of taking in ironing for a while.

Who looked after the children?

22N · 09/06/2022 22:10

VirginMedium · 09/06/2022 21:14

@Manekinek0 groceries! we spend so much on food. you're right we can cut down in this area. it has to be all the small stuff. I don't make big purchases (apart from household appliances). I don't spend on clothes, holidays etc I don't drink, hardly ever go out. I have written a budget a million times. I have disposable income, not alot but I should be able to stay within it really I think, most months. I don't know how it gets so out of control

It gets out of control because there isn’t enough money coming in to meet your costs. Which sucks because no one should have to work, scrimp and save constantly and have sole responsibility for their children. It’s not much of a life.

I hope you get the help you need to rearrange debt repayment. You’ll feel amazing when it’s paid off. X