Kids "party" in the park gift etiquette

[Crunchymum]

Few kids from DC1 class invited to a party, parents mentioned date in passing, all good. Invitations say its at a local park, all good. I rsvp'd (was asked to).

What is the gift situation? Usually for parties I do a £10 token (book / cinema) but quite frankly this doesn't feel like a proper party to me? It's literally a few boys being invited to the park opposite the kids house to run around for a few hours and a cake?

Do you think a fiver in a card will be alright?

My dc wouldn't consider that a proper party but I know some love that kind of thing. Ditto for parties at home that are just an extended play date.

However that wouldn't affect how much I spent on a present. I think £5 is fine, that's about my budget.

The birthday child is probably excited about their party. Don't act like you don't think it is a proper party.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a proper party, by whoever’s definition: it’s still a proper birthday. On birthdays it’s customary to give a card and a present and say “happy birthday”, not punish a child for not meeting your party standards.

I agree! Sorry your birthday doesn't have a good enough party attached to it so no gift for you! I mean what the fuck OP?!

Wow this thread has an awful tone to it.

Fair question I can see where op is coming from and I agree with a previous poster that said a fiver in a card is fine. A fiver in a card for any party is also fine.

I assume reading between the lines the op meant that a higher value gift was considered as partial compensation for the cost of a more organised/costly event. Not that this is what gifts should be based on but I get the premise.

Ah, so kids of rich parents get more expensive gifts! To those who have much, much will be given.

In your shoes OP, I would take a gift you think the birthday child would like or stick your usual amount (£5 or £10, whatever) in a card.

We're having a party for around 20-30 kids in a couple of months and will be spending around £400 in total (bouncy castle, games, food, drink). Completely our choice to do that, but I suppose I should let the parents know that I'm expecting gifts worth £15-20 per child attending to 'cover' our costs even though our DC's room already resembles a toy shop 🙄. Actually, I'd prefer to say no gifts but I always think that comes across as being a bit mean-spirited/killjoy since kids like giving and receiving little gifts from their friends.

Yes that's where I think she is coming from but it still stinks as an attitude. If she really wants to reimburse the parents with the grander parties she can give them a seperate envelope with the cash in. You can't drag the kids into this.

Given it's not the child paying for the party, it's a weird idea though, isn't it?

I've heard it for weddings before... the idea that you give a gift with a value equivalent to that which the bride and groom paid for your meal. Still thought it was an awful idea in that context (the more expensive the wedding, the more expensive the gift) but at least it made sense because the bride and groom were paying. In the party context, surely it would make more sense to bring a bottle for the parents or stick £10 in an envelope for them to treat themselves, rather than giving it to the child.

That's just awful.
Kids with parents who can afford to splash out get a better gift than kids of parents who are short on money.
If I had to choose who to spend a bit more on it wouldn't be the kid whose parents can afford a big party with bouncy castle and entertainer.

I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time op. I also alter the present value based on the party. Whilst we have never been to a party in the park, i have given more expensive gifts for kids who have had parties at pay per child activity centres/farms etc versus a diy village hall party. I do think the gift shoulf reflect how much they have paid for your child to attend

Nail
on
head

Quite 😢

> You give children gifts based on the wealth of their parents?

That is exactly what you are doing if you try to match the present cost to the party cost! Bonkers.

Just give according to what your own budget is for children's birthday party gifts.

I don't think the mum is saying it's not a party. She's just being polite. Maybe explaining that it's relaxed in terms of dress expectations (though people don't dress up for children's parties these days anyway, do they?) and timing. Not that you shouldn't bring a present. Although I'm sure she would understand if it was too expensive - perhaps that is what she is trying to convey?

I would definitely still give a normal gift for a park party as these tend to be done by parents who can’t afford a proper party so it’s unfair to penalise the child for this.

Christ, some posters do love a good pile-on.

I'd just give the usual amount/present size - the venue or format doesn't really matter.

That you, PM?

it’s a party. £10.

That wasn't why we had one!

So the kids that already have the best of everything because of their parents financial status are rewarded yet again, and the kids whose parents have scrimped and saved to put on a village hall party for them are thrown some pity tat??

That's really sad. I hope you reexamine your thinking on this.

My daughter stopped wanting to go to parties she was invited too because she found the sensory overload too much. If invited we still gave the friend a present though - because it's still their birthday even if my daughter didn't attend the party.

give what you can afford, it should be based on that and not the party and it's relative value. I often buy gifts from second hand shops (that look like new) because I am a LP and can't afford expensive things.

We also have to bear in mind that most kids will play with party gifts once then they will be discarded or unlikely to be used. I hate the throwaway society we live in for this. It almost seems like most physical gifts are pointless! Not to mention the extra strain on our environment, wasted money, more work for mum sorting / recycling / taking to the charity shop / decluttering etc. It's insane. I wish we could rethink our gift giving.

Wow, so you dictate the value of your gift based on the child’s party? What about less well off families who can’t afford to go more than a cake in the park? This is in poor taste OP

My reply was in response to the concept of more expensive gifts for the more expensive parties.
Which btw is a horrible thing to do.

I think a lot of people are missing th3 point (or misunderstanding me, or I've been unclear)

It doesn't sound like it's a proper party. The invitation / rsvp was very formal and the responses I've had from the mum have made me even more confused. It's like she is asking me to not make a fuss / treat it like a party?

FWIW the child's birthday was in half term and the family are wealthy (I'm the poor one!!) sorry its that's a drip feed.

I've also had another parent message me to ask re: gifts so its not just me who is confused. It's gone from invites and rsvp's to come and have a slice of cake almost 2 weeks after said kids birthday 😬

I think I'll hedge my bets and go for a fiver in a card and some sweets.

It's still (or has been, very recently) his birthday, though. What's the problem with giving the poor little sod a present?
I'm confused as to how the mum issued a formal invitation and then later tried to downplay it? What exactly did you ask her?!

I'd give the same gift for a tea party at home, or a full day out birthday treat. It's a birthday present not payment for the party.

Having read your update, can you ask the mum if there's any particular gift he'd like? Then she can say 'don't bother, it's just cake in the park!' Obviously this only works if you're confident she's not going to say 'actually, he'd really like this expensive new Lego set'!