If your libido has decreased, and you're in a long term relationship is it because....

[MyToDoList]

You don't orgasm during sex?
I'm just wondering if that's one of the reasons it happens?

(I'm sure there are many, and it's not black and white I know!)

Married, 2 young DC under 4. Just feel like it's another thing 'to do'. DH is very patient, never bugs me etc he is good in bed and would definitely spend time on me, but I just cba?!

I wonder if it's because I'm lazy, if I use a toy I can literally orgasm in 2-3 mins and it be 'done' whereas during sex it can take like 45 mins... I just don't want it to be 45 mins each time! I'm wondering if this is why I am not as interested.

Even if I use a toy during sex it's still not as quick as when I'm alone.

Rambling now!

Anyone else similar?

No it's because I don't fancy my DH (and with him I never orgasamed during sex)

I do fancy other blokes though

I wonder if it's because I'm lazy, if I use a toy I can literally orgasm in 2-3 mins and it be 'done'

^

😂

I know! Then you can get back to the other list of chores to complete!

Do you find you don't enjoy the intimacy of sex? Also is it taking 45 minutes because you both have a cycle of positons and you can only climax in one position or is it because it takes you 45 minutes to get into it / zone out? There could be so much at play here but I would suggest trying to mix things up a little or add some 'spice to the rice'. If you don't find sex exciting anymore, maybe you need to recommit yourself. Stop using the toys or doing it to yourself. Wait to feel horny together and see if you want it more then.

If you're not fussed about being close to your partner at all, maybe have a think about what is going on in your mind. You should discuss it together, it sounds like he cares about your pleasure. Good luck!

With me I’m sure it’s because I’m lazy / always tired. By the time we both fall into bed of an evening all I want to do is sleep.

I don’t mind having a quickie but DH keeps telling me he’d prefer some longer sessions at some point

I’m hoping it changes as DS gets older.

Same. I still enjoy sex and fancy my husband but I'm just knackered and want to sleep.

My kids are 6, 5 and 2 so I feel like it's been years of pregnancy and sleep deprivation, plus I'm in my 40s now so I'm overall more tired.

It's a lack of time and effort on my part though, not a lack of enjoyment or orgasms because I get both when we do do it.

Yes 😂😂 you get me!

Any chance of leaving? Especially as you fancy others. I'm guessing from your post that you've orgasmed with other men just not your DH?

(Although it's ok to fancy other people, look don't touch! Etc )

I joke about getting back to chores with my DH but it is hard to switch off when you’ve got a huge mental to do list running through your head. I think this is normal.

I loved the "spice to the rice" comment. Made me laugh as my DH hates spicy food haha.

I do enjoy being intimate with him when it happens, but yes, I do have a couple of positions that I am only able to orgasm in...so sometimes if we are doing those that I know I won't orgasm in I lose interest!

I'm also jealous of men, how it seems they are almost always 'guaranteed' an orgasm. My DH is anyway.

Sometimes I just want a fucking quickie, not for it to go on for ages.

Ok, one other thing to confess here - perhaps so weird- and I've never told anyone this (maybe I need therapy?!) but the main turn on for me during sex is the ending, so when he orgasms. That's the only time I can orgasm - so I guess I'm always looking forward to it being over? And that being the ending?

"Just cum so I can cum dammit!" I say this in my head.

Maybe my problem is that I don't see sex as a way to come together, but just a way to cum together. And I want that to be as quick as possible.

I'm also overweight and hate my body, so that too.

😅

I get there every time on my own, and can turn over and go straight to sleep ! But didn’t always with DH. Who needs a man 🤣

Honestly, stop telling yourself you are lazy and get me rest.

your libido is likely to go up when you will feel more rested rather than one more chore to to tick before going to sleep.

My libido has gone down so much over the past few months, I don't know why!

I've never had an orgasm from sex. ExDP could give me orgasms from oral but even then I had to bloody get in the zone or else it wasn't going to happen.

I can't be bothered either and find myself bored after 5-10 mins.

I think lots of women with young children and jobs and life feel that it is just another chore to get over. It is just how life is.

I can't seem to orgasm with DP anymore, only if I do it myself with him, I think he's really disappointed. I believe this is because I watch porn now, he never has. It's so quick with porn, also I only watch lesbian porn and when I'm with my DP I tend to think about women now. How fucked up is that?

Same here! I could have written this.

DH sometimes says "we don't have to do anything really, just cuddle and kiss" and I think FGS how boring, let's have a proper enthusiastic shag and be done!

I have great sex with my DH but to be honest, the easier option of a vibrator appeals more than sex. The big part is that it takes all of 2 minutes whereas sex is much longer and I have so many by other things to do.

@Tranquilrain Oh god really? I suddenly feel slightly less alone. Do you think your bisexual? Or do you accept it as just a fantasy? I feel quite bad about it

@mooshed

I was questioning it for ages but I do think I am bisexual, maybe even leaning more towards women. I felt guilty too, he'd be devastated if he knew. Makes me question whether I am even sexually attracted to men?!

No kids but I work and he’s retired

i struggle to get to sleep due to his snoring then I keep him awake when he wakes up early due to my snoring

end result is I’m knackered and at age 46 just prefer to sleep

i enjoy it when we have sex - problem is he has suffered ED on and off which means he overcompensates to make sure I enjoy it

when one or two orgasms woild
do
me - he wants a marathon session which frankly I’d rather go to sleep than have

I have a low sex drive at the moment due to being on birth control, never had one before.

But I'm actually quite enjoying it because my sex drive was always much higher than my dp, whereas now it's much lower I'm quite enjoying turning him down on occasion, being wanted more than I can be bothered to do anything etc 😁 it's quite fun! Luckily dp doesn't pressure me at all, he's pretty great about everything to be fair to him.

Oh and no, as is the norm for women, I don't orgasm during sex without a little help..

My libido has gone up and down over the years, and while factors like being tired all the time played a role, in hindsight the main reason has typically been hormonal changes. When my kids were young and I was breastfeeding, especially when I wasn't menstruating, I had no libido at all, I found the whole idea of sex a little gross.

It does strike me though that the 45 miniutes does seem like a long time if you are tired, and I wonder if you just accepted that an orgasm might not be in the cards, you might not prefer something like, 20 minutes, or for that matter, 10. At least some of the time.

The vibrator thing is a different story, I don't think you should ever compare it to actual sex, or even masturbation. Those will often be much faster and reliable than regular sex, even for men. It's a bit like a nail gun attached to a huge air pump compared to a hammer, the latter just can't compete.

I don't orgasm with sex but with my vibrator it's guaranteed. We still
have sex and I enjoy the intimacy, and I enjoy making him
Orgasm.