I'm not convinced our bodies or are minds are set in such a way that we should continue to have sex with the same person in the longer term. Variety can be the spice of life.
I don't think there's anything at wrong with pointing this out. I do think that some couples just have it... that deep connection and friendship, they weather storms together, they go through difficult patches, and can navigate periods of time where sex diminishes, needs change, and they can find their way to a different place together. Those relationships absolutely are possible and they do exist.
But I think people who sustain happy, lifelong unions understand that we don't remain fixed as humans. So many of us expect our habits to remain fixed. So many of us have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. Sexually, I'm not at all, at the age of 50, the woman I was at 20 or 30 or 40.
What I will say is that I was 100% shelved by my husband when I hit 40 and his porn habit- already a problem- just grew legs, teeth, hair, and claws. We last had sex when I was 41. I am now 50 and mid-divorce. I thought my libido had died but really, it had been shuttered up and covered in dust cloths, not at all entirely of my choosing. My libido was dormant. But to me, it felt dead. And of course, who wants to have sex with a husband/partner who has rendered his wife 'less than'... and worse 'unlovable'? It's not sexy time at all when you've been shelved. I didn't want him anymore and I think he engineered those feelings in me entirely. For him, it was convenient that I wouldn't pester him for sex. His pornography habit is one of two reasons he is now in prison. So when I say he had a habit, I mean it, with bells on. Most people won't experience this, thank goodness.
Although I'm nowhere near wanting to ever be in a relationship and I could (and probably will) remain celibate, it's kind of nice to know that I'm not entirely dead inside, sexually, at 50. I still get fanny gallops (an MN classic) over my weird but lovely and close-to-retirment postman, which is kind of liberating! And embarrassing! It's just kinda nice to know my libido isn't pushing up daisies just yet.
I just think most of us aren't meant to live and die with one person. Some of us are very blessed to have a beautiful lifelong union that really and deeply works- the monogamy flows naturally, in this case. I don't think monogamy is hardwired into us. I do, however, think it's important to honour monogamy and be monogamous within a marriage and relationship. And it's not hard to be monogamous. I think, even though it's not natural, it comes naturally to us in the right relationship.
Right, I will now step down from my soapbox and get another coffee!