I'm an idiot and I forgot the INSET day

[GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut]

No harm done, DD delighted to go to her DGM instead of school, but I'm feeling really odd about it. Not sure why, could so with talking it through with someone if anyone has time?

I had it on the calendar, I'd even mentioned to DM a few weeks ago that if DP was working then could she have DD.

But then I forgot. Poor DD was all done up in her uniform, we walked to school, deathly quiet. I still didn't remember. There was a maintenance person who told me it was an INSET day. So we walked home and called DP who came back and picked her up, and dropped her to DM.

She wasn't upset at all, I was in a flap as needed to start work (wfh), but all OK really. But I've been feeling on the edge of tears all day.

I don't know if it's because I'm embarrassed and worried the school staff / other parents will think I'm an idiot (that awful embarrassed like when you fall over as a teen in front of the whole school, what if I'm always the mum who forgot school was closed?)

Or if it's just that I have to remember every bloody thing always, DP could just as easily have seen it on the calendar and noticed, but I don't suppose that will enter his head, it'll be 'my fault' if it's anyone's.

Or is it that I thought I was going OK, I really struggle with being organised. I have to have so many strategies, and then I fuck up massively, completely oblivious, and it's poor DD that is affected.

I just feel upset out of all proportion and if I talk to anyone in real life they'll laugh (kindly) but I can't see the funny side right now.

🤣🤣 don’t worry it happens!
I’ve turned up at the right time, at the wrong school, and left a child before, no harm done, you have to laugh
were all human. But it may be that you need a little more support/ help!
maybe put reminders in your phone

It’s a horrible feeling but we all make mistakes but I would say it’s actually good that your DD sees this and that you just cracked on and coped with it.

I would bet it caught some other parents out too.

Well I thought it was an inset day at my sons school like it was at his siblings. I have just come out of work to an angry voice message, two text messages and an email asking why my DS was not in school today 🫣at least you won’t need to face the teachers tomorrow like me 😩

Beating yourself up about it will only make you feel worse. Could you talk to partner about how you really feel about it, and ask for a little help?

Meh these things happen.

I struggle with organisation too OP. When my DD’s were primary school age I had a magnetic pad on the back of my front door and would write stuff on there to back up my phone/paper diary.

These thing happen

I never forgot an inset day, but I did once forget a non-uniform day in aid of the summer fair. The ridiculous thing was I was on the PTA and went to school early to collect in the tombola donations, but I still got DD dressed into uniform!

I've done this twice at DS's nursery🙈 tbf they're not great at communicating term dates but I always forget to check, I've sent him in when the term time children aren't supposed to start till the next day and just had to pay for the day🙈 I'm always mortified and have managed to remember he's not in today 😂

I sympathise. I dropped the ball recently with an appointment and it really affected me, even though it didn't really matter and no one was annoyed or inconvenienced. I felt quite in disbelief about it as I'm usually so careful about it and I couldn't understand how I had messed up, but we need to give ourselves a break. If you're anything like me, you have a zillion things in your head all fighting for attention, juggling so many balls and sometimes they get dropped.

My husband is great with the practical stuff of being a dad. He does lots around the house, does lots with DD, really pulls his weight practically. But the mental load is all mine. Part of that is my own fault as I'm a control freak, but regardless it means that my mind is a constant whirl of dates and appointments, things to remember, parties, doctor's appointments, special events at nursery. While in his head I imagine there's just a vague cheery humming noise as he goes about his day.

That's so much better than thinking it's an inset day and it's not! I know someone who is a hospital consultant who only realised her children were supposed to be in school when she happened to glance out the window and see loads of kids trooping past!

Honestly don't worry about it

I forgot to pick dd up from brownies once. Spent the whole ride home apologising and was really flustered. She put her hand on mine and said honestly mummy, its ok, i dont mind. Dear sweet girl. Then I set an alarm on my phone so it wouldnt happen again.

But also I would see if there's some way of getting your dp to take on a bit more of the mental load. It's when we're juggling too much that we drop balls.

I did this for a weekend trampoline competition. Long hair wrestled into two perfect French plaits, packed lunch, kit and all the leotards etc etc. Nope, wrong date and I think if I remember rightly I managed to be a whole month out. I’m normally so organised too. I get how you feel, it’ll pass and of course your dd will be entirely unscathed.

DH on more than one occasion came home from work childless, who were still patiently waiting at school/nursery to be picked up

he prefers a physical calendar (mini whiteboard on the fridge), I need to use the Google calendar on my phone

I’ve also taken the wrong child to a doctors appointment. It was pre covid, and even the doctor sort of laughed! She also called the next day to check if I was ok!

Ah, now I know why there were no children at the school down the street! 😃

I have done this twice!

Don’t be so hard on yourself, it happens a lot!
I do think I’d feel like you though - as you say probably a combination of embarrassment (no need by the way!) and upset because you’re usually so organised. Try to relax your mind when you’re feeling on edge about it. You made a simple mistake that many people have made. But everything was fine! You won’t be the last to do it either!

My mum did this when I was at school. To be honest, it felt like such an amazing bonus day at home because I'd been expecting to be at school! I don't think we did anything special but I remember it fondly. Your Dd will be ok. Try to be kind to yourself.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself! I’ve done the exact same thing 😆
Walked my daughter to primary school, pavements strangely quiet, gate closed….old man who used to live next door to the school says “I think they’re closed”. I was absolutely mortified but daughter thought it was hilarious at the time and still mentions it regularly now (she’s 16). No long term trauma for either of us.xx

Thanks everyone.

DD's only 5 so I'm sure tomorrow she'll be telling anyone who will listen that I took her to school by mistake. No chance of keeping it quiet!

I know I should talk to DP about taking over more of the mental load. It just feels like another thing on my to do list!

I'd also not trust him to remember things (not that I can talk, I suppose...) and I'd always be on edge that something had been forgotten.

I started a new job last month and not really got to grips with it yet. I guess it was all too much to remember and that was the thing that fell off the end.

Still feel a prize prat though.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. He can only help if you let him!
learn to delegate a little

Left my child in full book day uniform, painted face with the complete works and they'd cancelled the dressing up. They actually wrote to us and explained but DH only half read the letter. He dropped her off and thought nothing of it, despite only seeing one other child dressed up.

I was very embarrassed picking her up that day. I still cringe about it now.

I forgot to pick DD2 up once. Despite picking up DD1. The deputy head shouted after me asking if I forgot something...

No harm was done.

I wonder if it would help if you sat down on Sunday evening over meal time with your DP and went through the week's calendar? I do that for busy weeks and it helps me remember that there are things to remember.