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Original poster

Toddler addicted to screens - please help

101 replies

DianaRossshair · 05/06/2022 10:38

We are in a terrible rut with our 2yo and screens. I feel awful it's got to this and I really want to stop it before it causes harm. Basically he never used to watch screens at all and then a few things happened all at once - we moved home, I injured myself and was lying on the sofa for two weeks, then at the same time my husband got Covid (and was very unwell). All of this meant that to get by we relied on the iPad to keep DS occupied during times where I was unable to move round much and husband was ill. DS is at nursery part-time but the rest of the week I take care of him. We didn't have any wider family to support us so I'm afraid we resorted to screens when things got challenging.

Anyway it's happened now and we are both recovered. Now DS is sadly addicted to the iPad. I have tried taking it away but he gets sooooo upset it's crazy. I feel awful about it!

Has anyone got themselves in a rut with toddlers watching screens? My tactic is to try and take him out as much as humanly possible. However it's not always possible to go out and there are obviously times when we are at home and he is constantly crying for the iPad. He's not interested in his books or toys anymore which is so sad to see.

At the moment DS has a cold and is feeling rotten and teary so it's probably not a good time to go cold turkey. I'm going to wait until he's better and then stop the screens.

Does anyone have any good tactics for this? Please help! I feel so bad I've let my son down but hoping we can turn it around.

OP posts:
feministqueen · 05/06/2022 20:02

PizzaPatel · 05/06/2022 11:53

weve been through phases where our son is really into screens but it never lasted. Always did require active intervention on our part though.

we didn’t go cold turkey but here’s what we did.

  • impose rules around screen time (eg screens in the morning set us up for a whingy day so never any screens before the late afternoon)
  • when he got older (3) we let him use the iPad on a timer and he had to be ok with turning it off when the timer went. However we discovered that the iPad was way more addictive than tv and had a worse impact on his behaviour so now we have absolutely no iPad ever.
  • we still use the timer for tv so it goes off when the timer goes off.
  • DS is great at playing alone now but we can’t expect him to just find his own entertainment so we get him started on something then often we’re able to retreat.
  • we found what he was into (building) got lots second hand from Facebook. He can now aged 3-4 play for hours with that.
he still says every morning “can I watch tv” but now I can just say “we don’t watch tv in the daytime” and he doesn’t tantrum.

We also do this ^

orangeisthenewpuce · 05/06/2022 20:15

He's not addicted. He just likes them and knows you give in if he kicks up a fuss. Just remove it and let him have a paddy.

MissMaple82 · 05/06/2022 20:22

Just take the bloody thing away, he's 2!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Families
00100001 · 05/06/2022 20:34

Hoowhoowho · 05/06/2022 17:38

I mean parents who focus on how others see them and on how they feel eg like a good parent or not. They don’t feel good when their small child is lounging on the sofa watching an iPad, they do feel good when their child is climbing a tree or flicking through a book, so they limit the iPad but it’s absolutely nothing to do with what is best for the child and everything to do with the parents’ image of themselves.

Tends to be the same type of parents who do a 1000 hours outdoors or avoid character toys or more extreme own only wooden toys. None of that is about the child, it’s about the parent.

On the other hand whether you limit strictly or hand your one year old an iPad whenever they whine, your kid will turn out the same, so do what you like really, just stop pretending it’s for the child rather than you.

Show quote history

You genuinely think a child who has hana passive and sedentary childhood of entertainment on demand through an addictive piece of equipment will turn out EXACTLY the same as a child who has been encouraged to read books, cook, explore the world, try out different sports, be curious about the world, learned different dexterity skills through risky play, has learned to be creative, paddled in rivers, rolled down hills etc

Confused
smileyworld · 05/06/2022 21:33

@Hoowhoowho that's the most ridiculous thing I have read on mumsnet for ages.

Darbs76 · 05/06/2022 21:54

Take it away, say it’s broken. He’s 2, he will believe it. Re-introduce it later on when he’s a bit older

Hoowhoowho · 05/06/2022 22:43

Children who have free access to screens also read books, play outside for hours, do art, ride bikes, talk to people and play with friends.

In addition they learn how to handle issues which come up with screen use at an age when parental influence and authority is still strong. If my 5yo gets angry at people around him because he’s lost a difficult game, it is much easier to teach him a better way to handle that than it is a a 15yo.

My 3yo who has an iPad and iPhone of her own (not new ones!) has spent the day drawing, playing play dough, baking, playing with her ponies and dolls, playing all evening with a friend and has watched precisely 15 minutes on a screen today and we avoided all the whinging and arguments because she knows it’s there. If I want to use the iPad for peace I often get resistance because it’s no treat.

Frankly restrictions give you a miserable life right now and probably screen addicted teenagers. Most people seem to have realised the harm of restrictions with sugar, they know that extreme sugar restriction leads to older kids who buy mars bars with their lunch money but they don’t seem to get that it’s the same with screens.

Bathtimehell · 05/06/2022 22:45

BiggerBoat1 · 05/06/2022 10:50

Take the screen away.

Deal with the tantrums.

Provide other activities.

This. It's hard but unless you deal with it now it will get worse.

BogRollBOGOF · 05/06/2022 23:19

DS1 got a lot of screen time when he was 2 during the months that I was heavily pregnant and on crutches due to SPD in a long, harsh winter, then recovering from a tough birth, then the chicken pox month. It was about 6 months in total. It was more TV/ DVDs (tablets hadn't really caught on much at that point)

When I felt human again and was capable of getting out and generally doing things I ended up putting a timer on the TV so it just shut off, and over time gradually reduced the permitted time down. At first the screaming was epic, but over a couple of weeks it reduced as he got used to the TV shutting down until it got to the point that he'd respond and do something else.

I'm not anti-screens, they have their uses. The main problem is what are they not doing while on screens, moving, using their hands in many ways and strengthening them, drawing, reading, imaginative or sensory play... they're a good bit older now and I use a parental controls app to allocate/ restrict screen time, and I haven't rushed to give mobile phones.

It's not healthy to continuously appease children. They need boundaries. They will push boundaries, and it's a much healthier process when boundaries are clear and realistic.

justasmalltownmum · 05/06/2022 23:21

I suggest going cold Turkey. It will be a rough two- three days but you just got to get through it.
Speaking from experience.

quietnightmare · 05/06/2022 23:30

How ridiculous. Take it away

Original poster
DianaRossshair · 14/06/2022 14:07

Hi all, OP here. I just thought I'd update the thread as there were a few people on here saying they were in the same position and my experience might be helpful. Also thank you to those who gave helpful non-judgemental advice.

I originally posted because due to injury / Covid / moving home and an all-round crap time etc, our son aged 2 had become hooked on screens - iPad etc. this went on for about 6 weeks and I (as the main carer) was struggling to know what to do since he seemed addicted and was very very upset if you took them away.

Anyway long story short, we just put all the iPads in the cupboard and told him that "videos" were broken. We did this one Sunday afternoon after his nap. That evening he was really upset and crying but we persevered. The next morning he was asking for iPad but I arranged a really busy full in day with no time at home. At dinner time he asked again but I just said videos are broken and he seemed to accept it. From that day it's been nearly 11 days and we have had NO SCREEN TIME at all!!!!! Apart from one special thing I'll explain.

The main takeaway for me is just how radically this has improved all of our lives. I'm not exaggerating to say that his concentration has improved dramatically and did so in just a matter of 2-3 days. He sits and reads books with me with long chunks of text where he used to prefer simpler books or get bored quickly listening to longer paragraphs. He now actively finds piles of books to read and we can read for an hour!

I bought a few new toys for small world imaginative play as suggested on here and he has LOVED it. I am playing with him and being I present and he is talking in a way more sophisticated way than even a week ago. I've totally put my phone away in front of him at all times, and now only use it when he's napping or asleep.

At the park he is using his imagination so much - telling me a family of mini monsters live in a tree, and hunting for dragons in the grass! He would not have done this a week ago.

On Sunday afternoon DH and I sat down with our son and watched a "movie" on the TV. (Stick Man - 25 minutes). DS has the book. I was worried about opening the floodgates but I needn't have worried. He sat and watched it holding our hands exclaiming at all the dramatic bits - it was lovely to see. At the end we immediately switched it off. He went to cry but I picked up the book and we went through the story again. He was fully engaged. After that he did not ask for the tv again. It was such a lovely family moment. (I think YouTube has a lot to answer for as he used to just keep clicking to the next video before the first one had ended).

We have decided we are going to do family "movie night" once a week (25 minute things like the Gruffalo / Snail & the Whale etc), and that's it! No other screens and life is great.

My worry was how to phase out screens but I can honestly say cold turkey was tough for 24hrs, then slightly tough for another day but then he seems to have simply forgotten all about those videos he used to watch. My DH and I were saying that looking back it's like a bad dream and we can't believe we got ourselves in such a rut. We felt terrible but so happy to have changed things. I'm so glad I don't have to hear that frickin' cocomelon theme tune again!

Finally, I was worried about how to occupy DS when I need to make dinner, but since last week he has been happy to play by himself for 20 minutes which is great and another radical change.

I'm sure one day he will get his tablet back - perhaps next time we fly - but for the timebeing Im so happy we have stopped this, and actually pretty proud of myself for persevering as it can feel addictive getting the break while your child watches stuff.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2022 14:21

That sounds excellent. Well done.

GetThatHelmetOn · 14/06/2022 14:26

I have seen the same with my teen. After 2 weeks off line (Xbox and iPad) he was participating more in family conversations, he looked less rushed to disappear, organised a programming club and even his speech changed from quick and telegraphic to pleasant and conversational.

Sadly, as soon as the grounding was over after 6 weeks, we were back to “normal”.

Before the Xbox joined us when he was 8 he was a total bookworm but that stopped with the games, they just simply get used to constant and quick feedback from the screen that find it difficult when getting the “information” takes a longer wait.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/06/2022 14:26

Presumably he doesn't have them at bed time so just remove them once he's in bed. If he asks in the morning, say "ipad broke, never mind" and do something else. And persevere. Yes it'll be shit yo start with but pick him up, cuddle, distract and stick to it.

fruitbrewhaha · 14/06/2022 14:33

Let the battery run out and put it away.

Find other stuff to do, the weather is nice so arrange for playing in the park meet up, soft play etc. You will have to get on the floor and play with him and make it fun.

prescribingmum · 14/06/2022 14:54

That sounds brilliant, so glad he's taken well to it :)

Addiction to tablets is much worse than it is to TV. I find if I leave TV on a children's channel all day, both my children will watch intermittently and go and play in between. However, if I give them a tablet, they will not put it down the entire time if permitted. Same if they are able to choose what they watch on smart TV, they will go from programme to programme for much longer

Youaremysunshine14 · 14/06/2022 15:05

DianaRossshair · 14/06/2022 14:07

Hi all, OP here. I just thought I'd update the thread as there were a few people on here saying they were in the same position and my experience might be helpful. Also thank you to those who gave helpful non-judgemental advice.

I originally posted because due to injury / Covid / moving home and an all-round crap time etc, our son aged 2 had become hooked on screens - iPad etc. this went on for about 6 weeks and I (as the main carer) was struggling to know what to do since he seemed addicted and was very very upset if you took them away.

Anyway long story short, we just put all the iPads in the cupboard and told him that "videos" were broken. We did this one Sunday afternoon after his nap. That evening he was really upset and crying but we persevered. The next morning he was asking for iPad but I arranged a really busy full in day with no time at home. At dinner time he asked again but I just said videos are broken and he seemed to accept it. From that day it's been nearly 11 days and we have had NO SCREEN TIME at all!!!!! Apart from one special thing I'll explain.

The main takeaway for me is just how radically this has improved all of our lives. I'm not exaggerating to say that his concentration has improved dramatically and did so in just a matter of 2-3 days. He sits and reads books with me with long chunks of text where he used to prefer simpler books or get bored quickly listening to longer paragraphs. He now actively finds piles of books to read and we can read for an hour!

I bought a few new toys for small world imaginative play as suggested on here and he has LOVED it. I am playing with him and being I present and he is talking in a way more sophisticated way than even a week ago. I've totally put my phone away in front of him at all times, and now only use it when he's napping or asleep.

At the park he is using his imagination so much - telling me a family of mini monsters live in a tree, and hunting for dragons in the grass! He would not have done this a week ago.

On Sunday afternoon DH and I sat down with our son and watched a "movie" on the TV. (Stick Man - 25 minutes). DS has the book. I was worried about opening the floodgates but I needn't have worried. He sat and watched it holding our hands exclaiming at all the dramatic bits - it was lovely to see. At the end we immediately switched it off. He went to cry but I picked up the book and we went through the story again. He was fully engaged. After that he did not ask for the tv again. It was such a lovely family moment. (I think YouTube has a lot to answer for as he used to just keep clicking to the next video before the first one had ended).

We have decided we are going to do family "movie night" once a week (25 minute things like the Gruffalo / Snail & the Whale etc), and that's it! No other screens and life is great.

My worry was how to phase out screens but I can honestly say cold turkey was tough for 24hrs, then slightly tough for another day but then he seems to have simply forgotten all about those videos he used to watch. My DH and I were saying that looking back it's like a bad dream and we can't believe we got ourselves in such a rut. We felt terrible but so happy to have changed things. I'm so glad I don't have to hear that frickin' cocomelon theme tune again!

Finally, I was worried about how to occupy DS when I need to make dinner, but since last week he has been happy to play by himself for 20 minutes which is great and another radical change.

I'm sure one day he will get his tablet back - perhaps next time we fly - but for the timebeing Im so happy we have stopped this, and actually pretty proud of myself for persevering as it can feel addictive getting the break while your child watches stuff.

What a fantastic update, OP! Well done for managing the situation so well, it's inspiring.

Hugasauras · 14/06/2022 15:10

Well done, OP! Enjoy doing all the things with your lovely son now Smile

skyeisthelimit · 14/06/2022 15:16

Well done OP on not taking the easy option, and I am glad you have detailed the difference that it has made to your DS. The things he is doing instead will be so much better for him.

stripesorspotsorwhat · 14/06/2022 15:20

Tell your dc that it's broken and you have sent it away for someone to mend it.

Original poster
DianaRossshair · 14/06/2022 20:42

Thanks everyone who replied to my update!

OP posts:
LemonDrizzles · 26/06/2022 13:35

Let the battery run down, say it needs charging. Charge it. Let them play again. Do this once or twice. Third our fourth time, say charger is broken, tv?

Tv could be another addiction... Tv solution is getting books on the tv subject. Want Bing or octanauts? Tv is off, but we can have the book of a different show (maybe just one or two)

Look out for summer jumble sales or primary school summer fairs, you can get used books cheap

cottagegardenflower · 26/06/2022 13:37

Don't give him the iPad in the morning. When you bring him down, it just isn't there and not in it's usual place. You say the fairies took it to play with and he can have it for a little while before his nap. Then it's gone again. Yes, wait till he's feeling better.

cottagegardenflower · 26/06/2022 13:39

It. It being there and in sight is far better than 'taking it away' once he has it.

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