Toddler addicted to screens - please help

[DianaRossshair]

We are in a terrible rut with our 2yo and screens. I feel awful it's got to this and I really want to stop it before it causes harm. Basically he never used to watch screens at all and then a few things happened all at once - we moved home, I injured myself and was lying on the sofa for two weeks, then at the same time my husband got Covid (and was very unwell). All of this meant that to get by we relied on the iPad to keep DS occupied during times where I was unable to move round much and husband was ill. DS is at nursery part-time but the rest of the week I take care of him. We didn't have any wider family to support us so I'm afraid we resorted to screens when things got challenging.

Anyway it's happened now and we are both recovered. Now DS is sadly addicted to the iPad. I have tried taking it away but he gets sooooo upset it's crazy. I feel awful about it!

Has anyone got themselves in a rut with toddlers watching screens? My tactic is to try and take him out as much as humanly possible. However it's not always possible to go out and there are obviously times when we are at home and he is constantly crying for the iPad. He's not interested in his books or toys anymore which is so sad to see.

At the moment DS has a cold and is feeling rotten and teary so it's probably not a good time to go cold turkey. I'm going to wait until he's better and then stop the screens.

Does anyone have any good tactics for this? Please help! I feel so bad I've let my son down but hoping we can turn it around.

You'll have to not go on your phone, iPad, laptop either otherwise you're sending all the wrong messages

Also get books, puzzles, and irl games delayed to what they are watching.

So when you say no, you can say, but we can do "x" book instead

@Hoowhoowho screen time is not recommended for toddlers and in fact not necessary imo. It's bad for their development.

I feel for OP as unfortunate circumstances led her here but to just let the toddler continue would be bad parenting.

In most cases, toddlers having all day access to screens is just lazy parenting.

Time to get tough OP. As others have said, tantrums wont last forever.

@restedbutexhausted imo and definitely my experience parents who limit “screen time” are people who put image before their children.

a 2yo would have to live a very very boring life to spend all day in front of a ‘screen’ and indeed if that’s all a toddler does I’d agree it’s probably not the best parenting but a child with an ordinary interesting life will use the screens available to them for learning and development and use the many other resources in their environment as well.

Of course if children are strictly limited they may well watch screens every minute they’re allowed but that’s on their restricting parents not the children

My just 2 yr old likes his sisters i pad.
When the battery dies i say he has to wait for it to charge. Silly mummy forgets to switch it on at the wall. 😉 Some days it takes hours to charge

@Hoowhoowho well then maybe I'm "putting my image before my child"

@restedbutexhausted imo and definitely my experience parents who limit “screen time” are people who put image before their children.

What do you mean?

Yep. We went cold turkey at ~18 months after DS became a bit too obsessed with the TV. He didn’t even watch that much, maybe 30-60 mins a day tops, but he’d just ask for it all the time and became unmanageable when the answer was no. We had a few difficult days and then he stopped asking. We went out in the morning and afternoon to make life easier…and I rode out the storm when we were in the house.

Weve just reintroduced it now at 2 and a bit. 30
mins in the evening when DH/I am cooking tea. I won’t hesitate to stop it all again though if his behaviour goes down hill.

If you offer him the opportunity to do a fun activity together, inside or outside, does he take it?

My DD (4) loves to watch kids videos on youtube and would for hours if left too, but will instantly put her screen down when offered to play a boardgame/ go in the garden/ walk the dog/ cook together, unless she is obviosuly tired or unwell. I'm not massively concerned. Tech will feature heavily her life in the majority of career choices, so some screen time and competence is a life skill.

I mean parents who focus on how others see them and on how they feel eg like a good parent or not. They don’t feel good when their small child is lounging on the sofa watching an iPad, they do feel good when their child is climbing a tree or flicking through a book, so they limit the iPad but it’s absolutely nothing to do with what is best for the child and everything to do with the parents’ image of themselves.

Tends to be the same type of parents who do a 1000 hours outdoors or avoid character toys or more extreme own only wooden toys. None of that is about the child, it’s about the parent.

On the other hand whether you limit strictly or hand your one year old an iPad whenever they whine, your kid will turn out the same, so do what you like really, just stop pretending it’s for the child rather than you.

I think sometimes the people who strictly limit screens (shout loudly about how their kids have NEVER used a screen) are those with more than one child a similar age and/or good family support. My DD is an only child and we have no family support (nearest relative 1.5hrs away), so sometimes screens are the only realistic option, particulaly during lockdown and periods of illness. OP your DS will be fine, don't feel guilty about doing what you needed to do to get through a difficult few weeks.

I’ll share what we did when my DS would throw the most awful tantrums when taking screens (specifically the iPad) away.

We went cold turkey no screens at all other than the TV for a good few weeks. Then we gradually reintroduced it at set times (cooking dinner etc). He then started with the tantrums again and shortly after the iPad broke. I now have an Amazon tablet that I use occasionally, he is allowed to use it on long journeys in the car. He goes on my phone on short car journeys if he’s asked nicely/behaved well etc, he is allowed to go on games consoles (switch, PlayStation or computer) for 1/2 an hour after school and 1 hour am & pm at the weekends/during the holidays and never after dinner. He’s 6 now and understands and will set himself a timer and put it away nicely himself, if he doesn’t put it away nicely then he loses his next ‘session’ or the next 2/3/4 etc sessions.
Some days he doesn’t ask for screens at all and others he’ll spend the whole day asking for it. We stick to the boundaries we’ve set & on occasion will let him have a little extra time. His behaviour around screens is so much better now. Children need boundaries and they need the boundaries to be stuck to, I learnt this the hard way!

Also, just a side note done beat yourself up for doing what you had to do to get through those difficult weeks. When I’m unwell he 100% gets a bit more screen time but I don’t make a big deal of it I just don’t tell him to put it away until I’m able to entertain him or have the energy to encourage him to play with other stuff. He’s at school which obviously helps as well.
Im sure you can put a limit on apps as well so once it’s gone over a certain time it will lock that app, it could be worth trying that?

This is the biggest load of sh1t I've ever read. Phones and screens are designed to be addictive by companies that make millions out of us and our kids.

I fully admit to feeling better when my kids are having fun together or with me inside or outside. I hate them being on screens and they rarely are (they are 10) because I know the damage screens do to children's brains.

I want my kids to grow up knowing how to have fun, self occupy, talk to each other and to me, to socialise and to be active. I was on holiday recently and there was a child slightly older than mine who was on an ipad all the time, with a headset. By the pool, at mealtimes, walking around the resort, with his parents and when he was on his own. It was the most painful thing to see. He will grow up to be lonely and friendless. My kids were visibly shocked and felt sorry for him.

I cannot believe you think what you write is true!!!

That was in reply to hoowhohoo by the way.

@Hoowhoowho sorry but this is such a crock of 💩.

How on earth can you think that kids who do multiple activities such as independent play, outdoor play, reading, role play etc vs kids who spend all day looking at screens are going to turn out the same?

I'm a parent because I want what's best for my child. I don't do it for my own image. In fact, some people question why I don't let my baby watch any TV. So how do you explain that?

You must be a troll. You can't actually believe what you're saying. Or maybe you're just projecting and you are actually overly concerned with the way other parents look at you.

I really feel for you OP, you've admitted that there is a bit of a problem and obviously realise the situation isn't ideal, you have asked for advice....but this is MN so people are just piling on you 🙄

We face a similar problem in our house and don't really know what to do about it. Our DS genuinely will tantrum for hours and hours so when other posters say just to deal with it they don't really understand.
I know that I am addicted to the peace that screen time gives me to get on with other things (laundry, cooking, cleaning) and I feel guilty but I don't think it makes me a terrible or lazy parent.

Is your DS fine at nursery?

Definitely cold turkey at that age. It'll take a couple of weeks probably. Ignore the tantrums and provide alternative activities preferably with lots of your attention.

I think sometimes it’s just an age thing. We tried DD with an iPad for small periods of time when she was 3 and she absolutely could not regulate herself, she got so worked up if things didn’t work and threw massive tantrums. We took it away cold turkey and tried again when she was 4 and she’s totally fine with it now. Will curl up with it on the sofa for a little while but is able to move on to other things and not get obsessed or upset.

I also think some kids are just less able to handle stuff like tablets than others, particularly when young. DD is 3 and we are not anti-screen time at all. She watches TV and she has access to a kids' fire tablet. But she's pretty self-regulating - she'll play with the tablet for maybe 20 mins and then she'll just go and do something else. It's nothing we've done - it's just her personality.

But I think if you do have a child who cannot regulate their use then it is your job as a parent to find a solution. There's a lot of good stuff about screen time and tablets, and it's undoubtedly a lifesaver sometimes as a parent, but toddlers and preschoolers should be taking part in a huge range of activities to support their learning and development. DD loves small world/imaginative play, arts and crafts, reading, playing outside, doing puzzles, etc. I'd find it very sad if she just wanted to sit and play on a tablet all day at three years old, which is the age of exploration, experiences and discovery.

Both my toddlers at 2 watched iPad as their concentration for screens increased and they got more tired ( mine dropped their naps at 2 years old) but honestly I feel like it's part of life and if it's just a part of the day then it's really fine. I have a 2 and half year old still now . Honestly between 15 mins of Tv in the morning and iPad I'd say they watch 3 hours a day, broken up. They are awake 13 hours a day, so that leaves 10 hours of other stuff including reading books, eating, errands, walks, duck feeding, washing, going to the shops, gymnastics, soft play occasionally. Just had 2 year check and no issues, infact ahead in communication, so it's all balance. The other one is at school now doing fine.

Take screen away completely for a while until he gets over addiction.
He will get upset but distract him and offer him other toys. Don't give in to him.

Cold turkey

Want some salt with that chip 😂

Ah op I feel ya. When it's hard and they're miserable as fuck, sometimes it's just easier to give in, esp if you just don't have it in you to fight.

Ours aren't allowed iPads for the same reason you didn't originally. We too have had periods where they've been allowed to use a tablet or a phone and we don't like what we see so are very careful with it. We don't allow them in the car either u less over a couple of hours and then only once we're 2 hours in.

Try the "1 minute warning" rather than just taking it away. We use that for both kids with pretty good success. Just taking it off them is horrible. You wouldn't like it if someone came and swiped your tablet off you. Giving them warning that it is time to come off gives them time to adjust. We do anything from 5 min to 1 min depending on the situation.

Other than that, perseverance is key. Yes, he's going to hate not having it. But he will get over it if you don't give in. He's 2. The tantrums will get worse if you don't break this habit now. And in a couple of years he will be too heavy to pick up and remove if he's having an almighty meltdown.