Being told horror stories with a newborn/baby, did anyone find it fine and pretty easyish?! (Partner works away 6 days a week!!)

[Tarree]

Just that really. All I am hearing is how hard it will be, how I won’t have time to shit let alone talk on the phone, won’t have money, will be horribly lonely, will feel trapped and exhausted and never look the same again and my bath days are over as I won’t be able to even wee on my own.

I feel miserable just thinking about it!

My first was super easy I remember texting DH saying how bored I was and how easy I was finding it all.

Then, just to even it out the universe sent me DD and I don't want to freak you out more so i won't tell that story.

It depends on the baby frankly but don't go in expecting the worst.

I wrote a book when I had a newborn.

admittedly it was a very short and not very good book 😂but I had more free time on my hands than I knew what to do with.

when they are not feeding or crying they sleep a lot!

It's all very well saying that, but not everyone can do that.

its Not really surprising that the people who had easy babies (chilled, slept a lot) claim it’s a wonderful experience and those who didn’t did not. Could go either way OP! Be kind to yourself.

I only have one baby to go off but to begin with she just ate, pooed and slept. Managed to bake cakes/read books/watch all episodes of Downton Abbey and all sorts.

She's now 6 months and i do get a good 8 hours sleep a night. She has been sleeping through from 10 weeks with the occasional hiccup usually during a leap where she wakes up once for milk.

i had 3. First was easier for me as no others to drop off. I never slept when baby did but I should have. I survived and so will you

I hate when people do this, the gratuitous glee as they tell pregnant women how terrible it's going to be, like they've just staggered out of the trenches and fancy frightening the new recruits or proving how tough they are with all their "battle stories." I don't know what they hope to gain other than making that person miserable and worried, it's horrid.

My DH worked, and lived, 180 miles away from us Monday to Friday when DS was a newborn through to 7 months old, plus a few 2-3 week stays away in that time. It was OK. DS wasn't a great sleeper, but he also wasn't an especially colic-y or fractious baby, so I'd say I had a "normal" experience in that he wasn't especially "good" or "bad".

Actually it was quite nice, DS and I had loads of time to bond, we went to baby classes when I wanted to, stayed in bed all day when I wanted to, met friends, stayed with my parents some weeks, went on a few little holidays, went for long dog walks and I'd take my book and sit and read in the sun whilst DS slept as the pram always lulled him. I had quite bad post natal anxiety, which did ruin the experience somewhat, but that wasn't due to DH being away. I think DH found it harder than me in some ways, as he struggled to bond with DS early on as he just wasn't spending the time with him. For me, the key was to keep my expectations of each day very low, if I didn't fancy doing something or we'd had a bad night we just cuddled on the sofa and chilled for the day. It was all very low pressure, I think I'd have had a very bad time, though, if I'd put pressure on myself to resume normal life immediately.

The only thing I found hard about the newborn days was that my baby never wanted to be put down, which is completely normal of course. So when I did manage to put him down asleep that's when I'd grab the opportunity to have a quick shower, use the loo or grab a drink/something to eat. When I wanted to do housework he was in a sling. I'm finding it harder now he's 4 months than when he was a new baby to be honest. But it's still the best thing I've ever done and I'm in my element!

My first was exactly like that didn't bathe for days didn't eat , partner also works away I hated it, my second an absolute breeze it honestly depends what type of baby you have a good baby you'll find it easy a hard baby my first born had a milk allergy and severe reflux so that's why I struggled

Being ‘chilled’ makes absolutely no difference if you have a high needs baby. People who have the luxury of easy pregnancies/deliveries/babies really shouldn’t lecture those who’ve had difficult ones on how if they’d just have been more relaxed everything would have been peachy. That really isn’t how it works. And I say that as someone who had very easy babies.

My mother had 8 children, all with natural deliveries; a proper earth mother and so on - she knows everything there is to know about babies. The one or two who were high needs were hard work because that’s just how it was, not because my mum wasn’t relaxed enough.

True. I was one of them that couldn't. I tried would just lay awake despite being exhausted. Not everyone is capable of napping in the daytime.

It seemed immensely difficult and overwhelming when DC1 was born. But when DC2 was born the days when DC1 was at nursery and it was just me and a newborn seemed trivially easy. I think DC2 maybe was an objectively easier baby but I also think it was mostly me who was different.

Not during the newborn stage

I was single with dd so did it on my own, newborns are portable and sleep a lot, you'll have plenty of time to rest, shit, shower etc...

It gets harder the older they get, I'm finding 3yr old now incredibly testing and I now have dp to help me too

There really is no excuse (other than if you're seriously unwell physically or mentally), to be starving or unwashed when you have a newborn.

Come on. Quick shower if baby is really really a baby that just won't be put down. Eat something quick and easy if that's the only options for now

No excuse to be smelling with a newborn. Yes you may have to juggle but plenty of people also have easy babies OP. Newborn stage is by far the easiest with my 2. They slept all the time, didn't move, eat and cuddles and they're happy

When you have two children, one seems super easy. I imagine if you have three, two seems easy. And so on and so on...

It’s more helpful, I think, to say rest/relax when baby is sleeping. Do something that is self care, whether that’s reading a good book with a cup of tea and a snack, having a long bath, putting on lotions/potions and doing your make up if that makes you feel good. Whatever it is you need, do that when your baby is sleeping. Don’t clean the house, don’t get knee deep in washing, don’t go running around trying to ensure that your house is at show home standards (unless that’s what you need for your mental health).

Totally agree . I read so many novels! Mine weren't great at napping in a cot but I really enjoyed them sleeping in a sling.

I would get a cleaner if you can afford it and if you don't have one already.

It's all consuming and intense.. you will have low moments, cry, wish you'd never done it BUT it is the best thing ever!! You will love your tiny baby so much it will be worth it. I have never known a love like it.

It is very hard with no support..do you have any family or friends locally if your DH is away a lot. My DH works long days and my mum and dad live far away and it is difficult.. just because you never get a break. Take any help you can get - my mum has moved in for 3 weeks as my 6 month old is going through a tricky stage (teething, had a terrible cold, not sleeping) and it's been such a great support. Just someone to take baby for a bit whilst I have a short rest upstairs is such a reset to help me keep going. On the other hand I know a few single parents and although they have said it's hard they have all coped just fine

For me personally the newborn stage is not too tricky. They sleep a lot during the day and you are just in this lovely, snuggly bubble. I think around 3-4 months it gets a little harder when they are more alert but can't do much yet. Around 5 months things got a lot easier again but of course every mums experience is different.

i found a sling to be my best friend when all 3 of mine were tiny!!
Feed & change baby, then I would stick him/her in a sling and go about my day. Baby would fall asleep quick smart until the next feed, and I had both hands free to do whatever I needed to do.
My exH is military, so I also spent a lot of time flying solo - he deployed to Iraq for 6 months when my second baby was 16 days old!
it’s hard and it’s a shock to the system at first, but you’ll find your way and what works for you and it won’t seem so daunting 🖤

Also second getting a cleaner if you can afford it - mine has been a lifesaver! Also yes a sling/carrier will be your best friend if baby likes it you can get on with so many more things around the house.

@meltypuff totally agree with that! I work for a mobile cleaning company, and lots of my clients are new parents with tiny babies. They are the homes I like going to most because I feel like I’m helping in a way that’s so much more than just cleaning - I know that if I could have afforded a cleaner when my babies were tiny, the mental strain I was under would have been much less!

I agree with this but also that approaching / attuning to a high needs baby requires you to summon up even more calm in order to interact and co-regulate the baby - and to make sure you have extra of the calmness fuel in the tank to do this in these circumstances.

I had no problems with my 2 sons. My mum had my brother just 4 years previously and I'd observed and helped her with it all. So nothing was a shock, just what I was used to and expected.

But I'm a homebody, never had the need to socialise much and so being at home with children each and every day never bothered me. I didn't feel trapped, it was what I wanted to do. I worked when they slept, not difficult, and even did some decorating while they would like watching me [I would talk to them a lot while doing it!]

In the very early days my DH didn't do night feeds [responsible job] so it was left to me, and I'd feed 11pm, again at 3-4am, nappy change, then me and baby would go back to sleep. [Cot in bedroom initially, but they never slept in our bed, ever, then in own bedrooms at about 7-8 months]. Started the days with a feed at 7.30-8am...

Maybe I was lucky but it was just a routine of feed, nappy change, play/bouncy chair etc, out in the pram/pushchair at some point in the day, sleep...repeat. Grizzly time was 5-6pm ish and a bit restless in the evening before they crashed out. After 4-5 months night feeds stopped and they slept like logs after that...until present day!

Both easy babies, one a bit more fussy than the other and he needed more reassurance/interaction. He would spend periods of time in his bouncy swing watching me work [liked movement]. His brother was chilled, he would lie/sit playing happily in his cot/chair/pram for ages with his toys and I'd be nearby able to get on with whatever I had to do. Probably more peaceful there than when his brother was on the loose.

In my experience babies are either hungry, wet, dirty, too hot, too cold, want to play/attention/cuddles or are tired when they cry. Just see to their needs. I do realise that babies with digestive/health problems will be harder work and I completely sympathise with other situations.

Good luck OP. You will be fine. Most people are.

Personally I’m baffled by how much people go on about newborns and how awful it is but I know that everyone has their own experience but for me the easiest stage was 0-12 months and I didn’t have all easy babies. For my first it was an absolute doddle as no one else to take care of! I watched loads of series , sat on the couch bf, wandering around shops, cafes , restaurants with baby snoozing in a sling.
Breastfeeding was absolutely fine , my body was back to normal after a week each time. All my friends are having their first now and they spend hours in restaurants and coffee shops and I can’t as I have a 4 year old who’d last 25 mins max and older kids who would get bored, all their babies are obvs immobile and nap loads.
However I’m not that smug as from 18 months my dcs were all insane amounts of work , it was a huge, huge, huge shock for me, I was far more tired with a toddler than a baby, one of my babies had reflux that actually didn’t settle at all despite everyone telling me it would once they moved , ate etc. Two of my dcs slept worse once older not better , in fact all of my newborns slept better when smaller.
On one hand I get it when people talk about how hard it is with a new baby but I can’t understand how no one talks about the difficulties with a toddler, all I heard was “it gets easier “. My advice is to go with the flow, be organised , everything is a phase and try and keep up some form of exercise.
I was chronically sleep deprived for years as have three kids but for me the first 6 months were an absolute dream with all 3.
My dh worked away a lot and I have loads of family but they never, ever helped/help practically. In some ways being alone helped as I had to find my own routine , take full responsibility and learn to cope and I did, really well tbh. But tue newborn stage especially with just one was sooooo wonderful and I didn’t have a super easy baby, they bf loads , napped on me in a sling etc etc

but I can’t understand how no one talks about the difficulties with a toddler, all I heard was “it gets easier

I agree. I think toddlers are much harder work. You can't take your eyes off them for a moment