Being told horror stories with a newborn/baby, did anyone find it fine and pretty easyish?! (Partner works away 6 days a week!!)

[Tarree]

Just that really. All I am hearing is how hard it will be, how I won’t have time to shit let alone talk on the phone, won’t have money, will be horribly lonely, will feel trapped and exhausted and never look the same again and my bath days are over as I won’t be able to even wee on my own.

I feel miserable just thinking about it!

Sorry, I meant to say some babies want to be close to you all the time!

DD was like this but DS wasn't. The sling was helpful for both of them though.

I mean... it completely depends on your pregnancy/birth experience and the type of baby you get, which are all going to be very personal to you.

Of the things you mention, not even half of them were true for me personally, but I still hated the newborn/baby phase. It passes though 🤷🏼‍♀️ Best not to stress about it and just take it as it comes.

I enjoyed having newborns, even from my first. For the first 2 weeks with the first I did feel like I’d been in car crash, physically and emotionally.. but somehow I still really enjoyed the baby around that too!

I have fond memories of reading the Harry Potter books while DS lay on my chest and slept.

I found the “sleep when the baby sleeps and abandon the housework” bit particularly easy though, as I was never particularly house proud to start with 😁

Also, only breastfed for 2 weeks with each baby, which made a big difference to me. That was only because I really struggled with it each time though (despite visits from health visitor, going to peer support breastfeeding groups etc). A lot of people seem to find breastfeeding much easier than making bottles, and it looks that way when watching women and babies who have the knack of it. If that isn’t you though, don’t beat yourself up about it (and the ready made cartons are a godsend).

I also used a dummy for sleep, with all my DC. Again, views on that are mixed, but I think that is probably another factor that made me experiences feel relatively easy, at least some of the time.

We had a little morning routine - same time each day - when I had breakfast, fed baby, had a shower (brought baby into bathroom in bouncy chair), then bathed and dressed baby, with some nappy off -on the mat - time as part of that.

After that, we’d have gone back to bed if wanted, happily spending the day watching tv/reading/feeding - or gone out for a walk, shopping etc. When you don’t have older DC, you can really take the pressure of having to make dinner at a set time etc

I’ve got 4 DC and they are obviously all different. Two had awful colic, one took years to sleep through.. but the main routine was always the same in the early days.

Also, if you ever do have to deal with a newborn who keeps crying and you can’t seem to solve it, it is okay to put them in their cot for a few minutes and shut the door while you grab a cup of tea and a breather. A health visitor told me that once and I think it is good advice. Obviously you don’t want to abandon a crying baby on a regular basis, but 5 mins when really necessary , to save your sanity and regain patience, won’t bring them to any harm.

My other tip is : Don’t wait until a baby is obviously really tired to encourage a nap. If they have been awake for a while, or are showing signs you recognise as tiredness, then you swaddle them up and pop them down in a basket or baby chair - still within your sight - (and this is the point where I’d give a dummy) and then they can watch you and feel safe while they doze off (then you get a tea break). If they become overtired and overstimulated then it can be a lot harder to settle them down, so you can always keep an eye on it and give them the cues to settle.

It depends on the child.

DS1 was pretty easy - he’d fall asleep in his Moses basket from awake, woke three hourly for breastfeeds at night and was easy to settle afterwards. He liked being in his pram and the car seat. He was just as easily settled by my partner as by me.

DD1 was, ahem, challenging in that she would only go to me, needed constant physical contact so she hated her Moses basket, car seat, pram etc. I ended up co sleeping as it was the only way really, I tried everything. She was only happy in a sling and with pretty constant access to my breasts. She co slept until she was 5 and still at 9 comes into bed several times a week. Until she was 3, I went to bed with her as she just wouldn’t settle if I didn’t. Having said all that, she was gorgeous and cuddly and I still loved being her mum which balanced up the difficult times.

it would have been easier if I’d had DD first - if you have a clingy baby just go with it and cuddle, don’t worry about the house or anything. Just have lots of one handed snacks available, the remote control and your kindle/phone!

Sleep whenever you can

lack of sleep makes things harder

i found it fairly easy ds was very content and I had him in a sling most of the time and after first few weeks being in a Moses basket he was then in my bed. I was on my own it’s a shock to the system that you life if completely taken over but you don’t really think about it until later on

will say it agains sleep when you can it’s absolutely the best advice I was given

Oh also, I never really understand the people who said they couldn't eat/shower/wee because they had a newborn. Newborn babies don't move... come what may, I wasn't about to sacrifice eating, feeling clean or going to the loo for anyone! As long as DS was safe in his cot or whatever, I regularly did both and it was fine.

My dh's work is seasonal and when dc1 was 4 weeks old, he was gone 6 days a week. It was fine. It helped that it was summer time, it might not have been as nice mid winter. Dc1 had a bit of colic but nothing too bad.

Me too. I still showered every day, made food, did my make up. Baby in bouncer next to me. I actually found doing this stuff harder with a toddler.

The newborn phase is a steep learning curve but they sleep a lot and don't require loads of work. I actually found it quite manageable both times and enjoyed it.

It's actually easier in some ways than later times. Baby stays still, shower fast whenever you have an opportunity.

Key things- all rules are off. You can eat, sleep, wash whenever you like regardless of the clock. You don't have to let anyone in or make anyone a drink. You don't have to be tidily dressed.
Fill your freezer with easy microwaveable food, and your fridge with easy snacks.

All that matters is essential care of you and your baby, everything else can wait.

One thing though, is there anyone you can call in an emergency? That's all I'd worry about.

You will definitely have time to talk on the phone, my 8 week old still sleeps most of the day so I’m on my phone (scrolling), watching telly, reading a lot of the day. (I do have 2 other kids to see to too). Might be hard emotionally with DH away and so not there to bounce idea off or talk situations through with. But whack the baby in a carrier and you can go to the loo, get a few jobs done etc so from that perspective it shouldn’t be too bad.

Some people make their lives harder than they have to be. I remember reading a thread on here ages ago where a new mum was desperate to go to the loo but wouldn't because she had a baby and her husband was at work...I mean ffs, put your baby in its cot/moses basket and go to the bloody loo! Even if the baby cried for thirty seconds, so what.

No one can predict for you how it's going to go. My newborn experience was awful as DS had terrible colic and I'd had a bad birth with a long recovery. Yes, I could put him down to have a shower but he would scream the entire time so it was psychologically gruelling. He also hated being put down and would wake up and scream so sleep when the baby sleeps wasn't a thing.

It entirely depends on your baby.

However, you will get through it, one way or another, because you have to. Hopefully you'll have one of these lovely easy babies PPs have mentioned!

I love the baby stage and found it easy. Of course it does depend on your baby and I was lucky mine didn't suffer from colic or reflux. If that's the case of course you're 'trapped' in that your whole focus is your baby, but I thought being trapped underneath a cute, squishy baby sleeping on my chest for most of the day was pretty awesome! The more you're able to roll with it all, the easier I think.

I smiled at the 10am screamies comment from pp.

I used to put on David Dickinson Bargain Hunt on, his voice was magic for soothing a fractious baby. This was 20 odd years ago, mind

Also I would definitely get DH to ring/text me every day to check im actually alive because I’m paranoid what would happen to the kids if I drop dead/fall down the stairs etc. I do get him to do this whenever he is away 😄 but then I do have generalised anxiety disorder.

Everyone's experience us different, best to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

What YOU need to plan is your support network. Best support when you have a newborn is other mums with babies exactly the same age so look up birth clubs/NCT etc. You may not need it but with your husband working away 6 days a week, a good support network is likely to be vital for your mental and physical health and also your relationship.

I know you only asked about the newborn stage but you also need to discuss a long term plan with your DH as the newborn stage might (or might not) be ok but days on end alone with two toddlers for example may leave you feeling very resentful and burnt out. One parent working away 6 days a week is going to put a huge strain on you long term.

Depends on the baby. With DD1, from day 1 she was generally quite grizzly, only napped on me for 9 months, and wouldn't be put down without screaming. Maternity leave was frankly a miserable slog.
DD2 is only 3.5 weeks old so it could all change, but it's already a revelation having a baby that can be awake and happy, and be put down for more than 2 seconds without screaming the place down. (I'm well aware she could be totally different in a week's time but I'm enjoying it for now!)

Really depends on the baby and how you react as a mother - your personality.
I have known new babies to be 10x worse anything you’ve described and not weeing alone was the least of it. I have also known babies where the mum breezes through and finds it all very pleasant and calm.
Its a massive life shift. No denying it. And that’s what many people find hard to start with.

I had an easy baby and, apart from it taking a while to figure out breastfeeding, it was mostly good. I borrowed from other cultures and spent the first three months at my mums house everyday, she mothered me so I could mother my baby. Making sure I was fed, had showers, was resting when I needed. I also went to bed with baby every night. Forget all that rubbish about ‘grown up tinE. It’s only a few months and the extra sleep is worth it.

Have a set of everything you need upstairs and downstairs. Changing stuff, feeding stuff like muslins, spare baby clothes a moses basket etc. So you don't have to go up and down stairs all the time. A freind who knew she was having a CS and was a lone parent set this up and i thought it was inspired and wished I done it.

I thought it was going to be horrific, my only experience of new mums was ghostly white ruined look with struggles moving.

I loved it though. It wasn't without stresses re weight gain and trips back to hospital but I found my instincts over and to my total surprise coslept. I am not really routine person anyway so didn't feel uprooted and upset by the chaos in a way I know some new mums do. I didn't do loads of baby groups, though I did a few. I was lucky some friends of mine in other places had their first baby at the same time. So I had a couple of friends on WhatsApp who were going through similar. I regretted not doing NCT to have more local peers for LO, but actually the freedom real life and just being a cuddle machine was very good for me.

I wanted to hold on to every moment and was scared it was going to by too fast, though now my youngest is school age I have to say I couldn't imagine going and doing the baby bit again. I didn't leave much of gap between kids though so only recently getting back to doing me, which is very welcome.

That said, I was absolutely useless. Basically lost the power to speak in sentences periodically and would just sort of peer at people with no words. I was happy in myself though. I always think if you see someone with a sling/ pram/ buggy operate on the basis that they may have had no sleep for a year or 5. Maybe they've had loads and are great but a bit if extra kindness/ consideration is no trouble.

I have 2 kids and it was really completely fine. I bottle fed not sure if that made a difference

I’ve got four and loved it when there was only one or a bigger gap between babies. Yes you might be poor for a bit but I loved it.
I haven’t had difficult babies though. Not easy peasy like some of my friends have had but easy enough babies where I could go for walks, watch some tv, clean with them in a sling…that sort of thing.

I haven’t minded not being able to do certain things as this stage doesn’t last forever and the pros far outnumber the cons for me personally :)

If I'm honest. Baby 1, very hard work. Very colicky. Other half worked away a few nights a week from her being 4 months. Was hard but doable.

Baby 2. Easy. From day one happy easy chilled.

Every baby is different.