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Original poster

If you have one or two children- how did you know you were done?

57 replies

imsoscared2022 · 03/06/2022 13:20

I always thought I'd want more than 2. When my first was born I only wanted her but then realised she may need a sibling because she has no cousins etc. My second pregnancy made me really Broody and want more kids as it resulted in miscarriage. Third pregnancy got a DD but I'm exhausted and feel like I'm done. I don't want to go through it all again. How did you decide you were done with one or two?

OP posts:
Bobbins36 · 03/06/2022 13:24

Literally felt a sigh of relief and a “that’s me done” feeling when DC2 was born, like still in the Labour room! Almost physical reaction and I just knew. Haven’t changed my mind either 😂

bilbodog · 03/06/2022 13:25

2 children - 2 arms , simples

Biscuitsneeded · 03/06/2022 13:30

I didn't actively decide. I was still hoping for one more after DS2, but DP wasn't so keen, so I agreed to a Mirena coil as it is so easy to remove and be instantly fertile again. Basically, DP didn't change his mind, and over time I stopped hoping he would and started to see the advantages of getting past the toddler stage, getting a bit more of my own life back etc. I also realised that I could give more attention to the 2 I had if I didn't have a third, and that things like meals out, holidays, theatre trips etc were so much more affordable with 2 than they would have been with 3. I know some families with 3 or 4 children (or even more) and they tend to either have a sort of earth mother mum who doesn't work outside the home, and seems to be happier in the company of small children than with grown adults, OR they have two busy working parents and plenty of money but life seems pretty stressful. I love my DC to bits but I also enjoy time to do what I want, time spent with my own friends etc. This week as it's half term I have taken 1 DC to the theatre in London and the other out for pizza. We're not rich but I have had the financial means to do this and make time for them as individuals. I feel like 2 was actually the right number for me.

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Potplant · 03/06/2022 13:31

Maybe a bit different as I had twins, but, before I’d left the hospital. My pg wasn’t even that bad but I knew I wasn’t going to do it again. 6 months of no sleep later and exH concurred and had the snip.

I always said if could have given birth to a potty trained, sleeps through the night 3 year old I might have considered it.

Lndnmummy · 03/06/2022 13:32

I have spent about 15 years of my life pre occupied with having children. Infertility, worrying, conceiving etc. When ds one was born I doubted I could go through it all again. 6 1/2 years later and ds 2 was born and I have never spent another second thinking about aomething that consumed my life every waking second for 15 years. I had closure and peace. I live in the moment now, not in my own head. I haven't even thought wether I am done. The thoughts that had consumed me for most of my adult life where just gone.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 03/06/2022 13:33

I had one and decided I wanted a second… that was twins but when they were 6 months I was broody again and genuinely wanting another. That soon passed and I now think 3 is a lot. Life with 2 is much simpler but I wouldn’t change my mad, loud world. Not sure I’d recommend 3 though either 😂

MonkeyPuddle · 03/06/2022 13:41

I would have a third DC but my bank balance won’t let me. So I’m done at 2.

Carrietaurus · 03/06/2022 13:45

When I had the pregnancy from hell with my second child. I hadn't even had him when I decided I was never, ever, ever doing it again. I occasionally toy with the idea but then come to my senses.

sarahc336 · 03/06/2022 14:01

After dd2 I've gone back to thinking of my career something I feel is on hold whilst more kids will be arriving so I know I'm done as I'm thinking of things away from kids again x

rnsaslkih · 03/06/2022 14:03

Like someone said, I have 2 hands so stopped at 2.

Cost, need for bigger car, just more of everything.

watch some supernanny episodes when they have 3, 4+ kids if you want to be put off!

Porcupineintherough · 03/06/2022 14:05

I wasn't sure after 2 but dh was. And, in retrospect, looking at finance and the amount of energy I had available for parenting, he was absolutely right.

Blossomtoes · 03/06/2022 14:08

After my second son was stillborn I so wanted another baby. Unfortunately I was told bluntly by the consultant that another pregnancy would be “tantamount to suicide” so that was that. I’d have loved more, I was only 23 so had years of watching my friends have babies.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 03/06/2022 14:08

I wanted another when mine 2 were small, but money and our tiny house at the time made it impossible.

by the time we had more money and a bigger house I was over it. Kids were both at school and I didn’t want to go back to the baby days.

VioletToes · 03/06/2022 14:09

I thought I was one and done. Then I wanted DC to have a sibling.

Dc2 birth and baby years were so easy, dc1 was such a great older sibling I considered another DC. But my age made me reconsider and tbh now, a few years on, I'm really glad we stopped at 2.

2 DC is the perfect number for us.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 03/06/2022 14:09

I have two and got sterilised to ensure I couldn’t physically have anymore. I just knew within me that the fantasy of more kids is easier than the reality. Money and time were the main factors. If I was a multimillionaire I probably would have had a good few more.

Fritilleries · 03/06/2022 14:11

Stopped at one. The resultant post natal mental illness destroyed my peace of mind. Could never ever do that to myself again. Plus one is cheaper and better for the environment.

AlienatedChildGrown · 03/06/2022 14:13

When I allowed myself to embrace one and done. With no more “only child” worries once I discovered it was all G. Stanley Hall’s fault. He was/is the reason why I, and others in the same boat, had to endure every nosy parker’s dooming and glooming over our one child happy family reality.

If they invent time travel I’m going back just to give him a slap around the chops.

Trivester · 03/06/2022 14:16

I wanted a third really badly, until I thought I was pregnant and started panicking at the thought of going through it all again. Then I started thinking with my head instead of my hormones

kikisparks · 03/06/2022 14:18

I feel very done with my DD (7 months old) like a PP I had years of infertility and losses and it nearly broke me, then pregnancy was full of anxiety, birth was traumatic and the first few months emotionally exhausting. I now finally feel I can move forward and live my life enjoying each stage as DD grows, and financially it makes sense to stop at one. I don’t feel very sentimental about giving away all of her baby things and I don’t watch friends with 2 and feel any envy (in contrast I was uncontrollably jealous during the TTC/ infertility years of anyone with a baby). She’s just perfect and life finally feels complete.

kikisparks · 03/06/2022 14:19

Environmental reasons too but it’s easier to be swayed by those when I don’t have any particular longing for another.

pedropony76 · 03/06/2022 14:21

Nearly died having DD1. Had a third degree tear, lost a lot of blood, had an anaesthetist puncture my spine which needed 3 procedures to fix. Had to have CBT therapy to cope with the trauma etc.

11 months later I gave birth to DS2. Perfect birth as I had a planned C Section, literally couldn’t have gone better. Then DS was in NICU for 6 weeks and today has been his third day home. I think I’m about done🙃

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/06/2022 14:22

I just didn't feel bloody anymore. My life was fulfilled with just the one.
Not only that but DD was that much of an easy baby that I thought "I'd never be that lucky next time". I'll quit while I'm ahead.
However my friends baby had colic and would scream all night (poor little thing) but she (my friend was saying from when her baby was around 6 months " I cant wait to have another one. Obviously I didn't say anything not my place or business but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't think "Do you need your bumps feeling"
So I think in some ways its something that's either in you or not.
Don't get me wrong if I did pregnant or if I had have got pregnant I would go through or would have gone through with it.

bakewellbride · 03/06/2022 14:23

Before I had kids I always thought I wanted 3. We've just had our 2nd and now I realise she's our last. Main factors: no family support and dh's long hours in a stressful job. Lots of other factors e.g car size. Also I got pregnant each time really quickly, no miscarriages with great pregnancies and births. I think having that a third time could be pushing my luck and I don't know how I'd cope with anything challenging. Another consideration is what if the child had special needs or what if we had twins.

I'm happy with my 2!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/06/2022 14:24

We always wanted 3, our first attempt was twins. At my 6 week check the doctor said there was a high chance of another pregnancy being a multiple one so we decided two were enough.

BlackberrySky · 03/06/2022 14:25

DH and I are both "head over heart" people. My body felt quite "old" after DC2 (I was 37) and I also felt it had shifted hormonally. DH was 42 and we just didn't like the idea of another baby at those ages. We didn't feel comfortable with the increased risk of birth defects either. But age related stuff aside, we also prefer the ease of living as a unit of four as opposed to five+.

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