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Original poster

If you have one or two children- how did you know you were done?

57 replies

imsoscared2022 · 03/06/2022 13:20

I always thought I'd want more than 2. When my first was born I only wanted her but then realised she may need a sibling because she has no cousins etc. My second pregnancy made me really Broody and want more kids as it resulted in miscarriage. Third pregnancy got a DD but I'm exhausted and feel like I'm done. I don't want to go through it all again. How did you decide you were done with one or two?

OP posts:
HerculesMulligan · 03/06/2022 14:26

My heart would love a third. But I was terribly ill before my second baby was born, and as our two children took me five pregnancies and three gynae ops to achieve, our house and our bank balance aren't big enough and my DH is so done that he's had a vasectomy, it's definitely not going to happen!

abbey44 · 03/06/2022 14:30

After having a 9lb baby in 27 minutes with no pain relief (no time) and nether regions ripped apart, I was told the next baby would probably be bigger and quicker. Booked my sterilisation there and then. No regrets.

Blughbablugh · 03/06/2022 14:36

Bobbins36 · 03/06/2022 13:24

Literally felt a sigh of relief and a “that’s me done” feeling when DC2 was born, like still in the Labour room! Almost physical reaction and I just knew. Haven’t changed my mind either 😂

This! I knew before my second to be honest. He's almost 1 year old and feel relieved that he's my last, especially as he is starting to sleep through a bit!

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/06/2022 14:39

I knew I was done with one child before he was even born! I got to third trimester and it was hell, I was very very petite and I've never known discomfort like it. Had a horrible birth as well and struggled during the baby and toddler years.

DS is 9. Never once wavered in my decision and have even less desire to go through it all again than ever! It's lovely having an older child that doesn't run around wild, has tantrums and needs supervising for everything. He's independent but still wants to spend time with me. It's a brilliant age.

TwinkleToesStrikesAgain · 03/06/2022 14:39

I had to wait 4 years until DS1 started school before having DS2 - I don't know how everyone copes with £1500-2000+ a month on nursery fees. It's one of those MN miracles, like the chicken....

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 03/06/2022 14:53

For many reasons I knew one was enough. I had ante and post natal depression; I'm not as maternal as I thought I was; sleep deprivation nearly killed me; my then husband did not take easily to fatherhood; i hate my sibling and didn't want to put DD through the misery of having one; i was bored shitless on maternity leave and wanted to go back to work; I can afford to give one a wonderful life but not a second too; I didn't want a boy.

ExtremelyDedicated · 03/06/2022 14:57

Just never considered having more than two, that was always the plan. After DC2 was born we never discussed having another, and as she grew we gave away or sold all the baby stuff without hesitation. No regrets.

Lovetok · 03/06/2022 14:57

DH and I had never discussed how many we wanted. Had our first and then had lots of discussions - he wanted another quite soon afterwards and

LadyCatStark · 03/06/2022 15:00

we have one and knew we were done when we found out how much nursery costs!

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 03/06/2022 15:04

After the second DH said "WE ARE DONE" and then went and had the snip. That was a bit of a clue. 😁

I thought about a 3rd but then once DC2 was out of the baby stage and I started to appreciate the advantages, and then to think about how much our finances would improve when they were both in school, and then about other things I wanted to do - study, further my career, travel as a family... and then I was glad and really didn't want to go back to square 0 with another baby.

Lovetok · 03/06/2022 15:05

Sorry posted too soon!
… I wasn’t ready. Then he almost didn’t agree to a second when I was because he thought the age gap was too big. I hated pregnancy so throughout my second I was miserable and anxious. I had a great labour and birth and said to DH that I could do it again! He quite rightly said no because he’d had to deal with pregnant me and it wasn’t easy. After a while I could see his point and that was when I realised there was no way we could have more.
And now several years on, it’s really clear that it was the right option. Raising children is HARD and neither of us would have the capacity to deal with a third child. Environmental impact was also a big factor in our decision.

DoubleDiamond · 03/06/2022 15:13

I thought I knew I was done at 2 as we seemed such a happy and complete family- there didn't seem to be anything "missing" if you see what I mean. Recently though I've been wishing I had gone for three- it's perhaps not too late medically but it probably is in terms of the plans we've made for our lives. To be honest, I think it's just me not feeling ready for the next stage of life- I loved being a mum to my children when they were small and feel I have got a lot more of that to give.

89redballoons · 03/06/2022 15:16

Bobbins36 · 03/06/2022 13:24

Literally felt a sigh of relief and a “that’s me done” feeling when DC2 was born, like still in the Labour room! Almost physical reaction and I just knew. Haven’t changed my mind either 😂

Really similar experience here. In the shower after DS2 was born I just felt really thankful I'd had two healthy children and straightforward pregnancies, and that I should quit while I'm ahead. Also, DH has only ever wanted two.

Part of me wishes I'd started at 23 instead of 33 and had a whole big brood of babies. But I didn't for various reasons, so logically, I think I'm done now.

AclowncalledAlice · 03/06/2022 15:19

I knew I was done at 1 because I hated being pregnant and vowed never to go through it again.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 03/06/2022 15:21

2 HG pregnancies, ending in an emcs and a crash section under GA. When my second child was born I was very nearly 41. I had a boy and a girl, but always knew my second oh would be my last, and was happy with that. Despite being one of 4 myself, I never had an urge to have lots of children. I didn’t know whether that would have been 2 or 3 until 2 was on her way.

HobgoblinGold · 03/06/2022 15:24

No drive to have any more children. I just feel done.

Natsku · 03/06/2022 15:25

Pretty much as soon as my HG started when pregnant with my second I was deciding this was the last time I was going to go through that again! The major haemorrhage post partum just solidified that decision.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/06/2022 15:29

I have two and I go through times of feeling definitely done and then definitely not done. I feel definitively done now whilst DD2 currently has chicken pox but I know I won’t feel done as soon as I think about giving away baby stuff. I will let you know when we’ve officially decided. 😂

Cuwins · 03/06/2022 15:30

imsoscared2022 · 03/06/2022 13:20

I always thought I'd want more than 2. When my first was born I only wanted her but then realised she may need a sibling because she has no cousins etc. My second pregnancy made me really Broody and want more kids as it resulted in miscarriage. Third pregnancy got a DD but I'm exhausted and feel like I'm done. I don't want to go through it all again. How did you decide you were done with one or two?

Interesting about the sibling. We had a daughter 3.5m, we have always intended that she will be a 1 and only, took 3 pregnancies to get her and it wasn't an easy pregnancy which solidified that.
She won't have any cousins- partner is an only child and my sister almost certainly won't be having children. Children in extended family are much much older. It's never seemed an issue to me.

Cuwins · 03/06/2022 15:30

Sorry that should say we 'have' a daughter 3.5m

Sunshinegirl82 · 03/06/2022 15:32

I always wanted 2, I didn't have great pregnancies but medically I could have had another. I just felt we were complete when DS2 was born like he completed our family.

Every now and again I hold a newborn and am a bit sad I'll never have another tiny baby of my own but it's only very fleeting!

They are now 5 and 3, things are getting a bit easier, I can focus a bit more on work. Two just feels right for us.

user1471538283 · 03/06/2022 16:04

I would have loved more as I was an only child. I had my DS and his DF fucked off. All things being equal if I had met someone and built a life whilst I and DS were young enough I'd have liked one more. But I had to focus on the beautiful child I had.

My DS loves being an only child and he and I are close.

MinnieMountain · 03/06/2022 16:40

We assumed we’d have 2 when we decided to have DC but after MMC of DC2 we thought about it properly. I realised my mental health was suffering and it just didn’t seem worth it.

kavalkada · 03/06/2022 16:46

Two awful pregnancies, two difficult labours, my little girl almost died at birth. I made an appointment for sterilization as soon as I recovered from my emergency C section.
Three years later, I couldn't be happier.
To be honest, two is perfect number for me. I couldn't handle three children. I admire people who can, but I'm always knackered with only two.

fussychica · 03/06/2022 17:01

Ideally would have liked twins as late to motherhood. Didn't happen, had DS who was a dream baby. Didn't want to risk having one which wasn't so easy as getting on and already had a birth defect scare during pregnancy.
I already felted blessed and as a happy only child myself I was happy to stop at one. No regrets.

I always wonder how people manage with 3 or more children. I've always thought very simplistically, two hands, two children.

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