To find most people just so fucking exhausting

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Maybe because I’ve moved countries a couple of times and so met quite a lot of new people in my life - and through DCs - but is it just me that only truly ever clicks with a small number of people? I find a lot of people so exhausting.

Definitely. I'd rather have a cat.

You are not alone. But I bet you wish you were. No OP, I reckon that's true for nearly everyone, only a handful of people for everyone.

Totally agree. I've become more and more introverted as I've got older as well. Truly can't be arsed with the majority of people.

I have fewer people now that I enjoy spending time with for sure. Not sure if it's just getting older or an effect of lockdown. When I was younger my social life was a huge part of my life whereas now I don't have as much time for it so I guess maybe more select. But yes.

I have always found some people exhausting. As I have got older, I have been less reticent about avoiding their company and definitely have fewer social engagements than I did a decade ago. But the ones I do have are the ones I want to spend time and money on.

Oh god yes. Getting into my 40’s really changed me. I was pretty social in my 30’s

Glad is not just me 😭 starting to think I might be an introvert after all these years of life. Also I seem to have met a few people recently that just disagree in conversation on every single little thing of the most minor significance and so the conversation can never really just flow? I JUST WANT TO CHAT AIMLESSLY 😭

I do think being assertive is generally more prized now over being conciliatory: being individual rather than being group orientated. I'm comparing my upbringing in 1960s to today.

Yes I know people like that. They feel the need to disagree or point out things that are really not important. They can't let anything go. I'm definitely finding people more irritating as I get older. I find I'd much rather sit at home with a good book than go out and have to mix with people who mostly annoy me.

Now having turned 60 and retired I feel most people seem to suck all the energy out of me. I have always been an introvert but had to work alongside people of course, but now I can't stand spending time with people I have little connection with listening to mundane conversations. Am I awful ? Probably am, so be it ! I always seem to attract those with problems too, like I'm some sort of agony aunt they can offload their feelings to.

I feel the same. Only like spending time with my DH and DC. I have one friend that I can tolerate for an hour once a week and thats it. I'm 41 BTW and was the opposite during my 30s,was out all the time with friends and meeting new people.

I've moved from being a socially awkward introvert to being utterly avoidant in the last couple of years. I find even basic conversations with anyone other than immediate family and one or two close friends utterly exhausting. My job requires me to be in lots of meetings and with an 11 year old social butterfly and an 8 year old who needs a lot of social support at school, my days are fraught by my collapsing energy levels. It's hard and it's making me wonder if the ASD query that's been raised recently for my DS might also have been raised for me had I not been a kid in the 80s.

Find the people that make you laugh and recharge your energies op, and hold on to them for dear life.

I think you're just an introvert even though you didn't know it before. Other people drain us, also, the world is designed for extroverts.

Nope.

I do too.

I've also moved around although been settled in my current house for 15 years now!

I find people tedious when they always have to play a game and act something they aren't for show.

I have a small click of people who are genuinely nice, don't play social politics or heirachy and who are there for me when it truely matters.

Yep espnthose who drone on and on about a subject and their point of view and then don't ask you anything at all. It's nice when you can walk away and have a bit of a rest from their constant talking and the sound of their voice!

Glad it isnt just me OP. Yes, find people exhausting and hardwork! I am lucky to have a small number of friends and always been friendly. As I have got older I have got less tolerate and keep some people at arms length. People I have met since moving has been a eye opener. Shame really.

I find people exhausting too, mainly because there just seem to be lots of social 'rules' im not in on. Pulling a random example out, an acquaintance was recently put out because her in laws had not reached out to say 'happy anniversary' to them on their wedding anniversary. I genuinely dont understand why you'd even expect this, or even notice they didnt, or be upset about this or spend more than 10 seconds thinking about it. Yet it warranted 10 minutes of discussion.
And i know everyone is different and has different customs etc, but it just feels like creating reasons to be annoyed just to have things to talk about.
Disclaimer: I do suspect i am autistic.

I know what you mean op, if I am with others constantly, particularly those outside of my immediate family, I need a few quiet days to re-set.

There also seem to be quite a few people about unfortunately who haven't been taught the basic rules of human interaction when meeting socially, that is, the idea of conversing in turn, rather than directing a monologue at someone.

I don't think many people are good at listening nowadays either.

I am happiest when pottering about alone, although if I was truly isolated, without any family or friends, maybe I would view being alone differently?

I think it's natural, when you are young and have energy, to want to socialise with more people, to establish friends and create a family and then become involved in the wider community through work, school and extra-curricular activities etc. And it's natural in turn for that process to reverse as we age.

Having said that , without wishing to sound preachy, I think if you become too much alone, you can become a bit insular, and only have your own things to talk about, or rather things that relate only to yourself, so we can if we are not careful, start behaving in the very way that we dislike in others.

Yes, same here. I even find some close family exhausting when they just want to chat constantly, loving their own voice, not listening to you, and being very opinionated about things that don't even apply to them at all. I think it's a lot worse since social media and soaps on the TV. People seem to have lost the ability to have "normal" conversations - it's all about "wanting my voice to be heard" and wanting "drama", i.e. causing disagreements just for the sake of it.

I've gone minimal contact with by brother because of it - we used to be able to literally sit for hours together with minimal chit-chat, just chilling out on long journeys or sitting listening to music, etc., but now it's non stop talking, all about himself, he never asks about me or OH etc.

Sad to say, but I'm seeing it with my 20 year old DS (who's at Uni) as well - he's obsessed with social media, often gets angry when he sees posts and you can see him getting het-up and aggressively writing replies on his phone (banging the screen with his fingers), often about trivialities (I've often asked him what's wrong and he shows a post that really has no effect/impact on him at all - he's just getting wound up by proxy!). I constantly have to tell him to chill out and just concentrate on things that matter to him and that he can influence, not all the other crap! He's just getting into politics, and whingeing about politicians, but he can't be arsed to vote - he'd rather just whinge on SM (and in real life) rather than spend 10 minutes to vote himself.

Luckily my OH is very chilled and we can spend a lot of time just chilling out, we don't do politics, religion etc at home (neither of us are interested), and don't really care much about current affairs either. We are both of the same mind to just spend our mental energy on things we can change and that matter to us, so we clear our minds of anything we can't control/influence and it makes for a happier/more contented life just concentrating on things we can change. We both have a couple of friends of similar mindset where we can just sit and have a coffee (or wine/beer) and just watch the World go by, often in companionable silence interspersed with a bit of idle/harmless chit chat and a bit of humour - we certainly aren't the kind who just have to be continual chatting nonsense non stop!

Ha, funnily enough I was thinking this exact same thing this morning. I have some good friends whose company I love because they are easygoing and undemanding and we can just sit in silence reading books together or chatting. A couple of other friends I mostly enjoy seeing but they need constant input or to discuss something that's bothering them (which they tell me in great detail) and I find the drama tedious and draining. I think some of it is because they live alone and don't have anyone to talk things over with or to tell them they're overthinking it, but then neither do I (also live alone), and I hope I'm not quite so high maintenance.

One is being particularly full on at the moment and not listening to any sense despite several of us telling her the exact same advice. I suggested to another that we go on holiday together and it's turned into this massive thing about whether I really want to go on holiday with her and or we should invite the full-on one because we had originally talked about going on holiday as a foursome with another friend who had to pull out. Three on holiday together is a bad idea in my book; two or 4+ - fine. It's just all so bloody complicated and it needn't be! Sigh. I will probably just go on my own!

I've turned down two invitations in the past few weeks, one a party and the other a couple of days away. They both sounded really good but I just don't want to do either.

The last two years seem to have made me want to stay at home more and just can't be bothered to go anywhere.

Sad 😔

Its me too but I have been the same all my life. I can be friendly with people but I have very few friends and like it that way

Yes and most are addicted to complaining whilst unwilling to do anything about it, excuses are much easier. l have really tight boundaries these days, l cannot be doing with the drama, l just want a peaceful life.

What’s wrong with three friends going on holiday? I’ve done it plenty of times and never had a problem. Are you worried about someone being left out? If you are all sane adults who get along I can’t imagine that would be an issue. I suspect your friends see you as the one who is making things complicated…