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Original poster

Secret savings and divorce

104 replies

Blueberry6 · 01/06/2022 11:44

Hi all,

seems like my marriage is heading towards a divorce. I have some money saved in an account he does not know about. I saved it before marriage and kept it there for rainy days. I just read I have to declare everything. Will he get half of my savings? I can try and get bank statements to show I had it before marriage and not during. So technically nothing to do with him?

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 02/06/2022 12:38

GarageGalore · 01/06/2022 22:55

My ex did this, courts don't investigate too closely, only if you are a massive (think billionaire) earner. Don't tell your solicitor, don't tell anyone, close the account and disappear the money. Also they don't ask for credit card statements just banks, so you can rack up huge amounts on credit card (how it is spent is not checked) and legitimately pay for it from your bank account and nothing you can do about it. This is what.my ex did and there are male forums that go into details about withdrawing cash which again is not questioned and 'disappearing it' before anyone has a go at me.

What a bastard.

Arrivederla · 02/06/2022 12:38

I did this. Opened a new account and started to quietly amass some savings when I realised that my marriage was going rapidly downhill. When I found out that I would have to declare all savings I closed the account down and gave the money to my mother, who kept it for me until after everything was finalised.

Yes, the courts can investigate this sort of thing but very unlikely that they would bother in a case without very large amounts of money being involved. It probably wasn't morally the right thing to do but I don't feel any guilt; my exh was a controlling bully and this very small amount of money (£2,500) was an absolute lifeline for me and gave me the courage to finally leave him.

Northernlurker · 02/06/2022 12:42

Close the account, convert the cash to something that will hold significant value. If he ever finds the account then ooops you gambled it away. Yes we would all be outraged by men doing this but let's be realistic, women mostly suffer more as a result of marriage breakdown. If this lady wants to even up the odds a bit I wouldn't object!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General money Relationship problems
JanePanface · 02/06/2022 16:02

notacooldad · 02/06/2022 10:58

A man would rightly have his arse handed to him on here if he suggested it
He would if he was daft enough to post on MN.
However if he was on a Male dominated site or with his mates they will be telling him how to hide things for sure.

And they would be wrong to do so. I can completely understand the temptation (was tempted myself), but it's just wrong. What the OP needs is a fair settlement which takes into account the number of years together (including pre-marriage), the number of children and their ages, their respective earnings or earning potential, and the 'value' of a SAHP's contribution, if applicable. To get a fair settlement, everything has to be disclosed - quite apart from it being illegal not to disclose. My XH tried it, and rightly failed.

spongedog · 02/06/2022 16:16

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 01/06/2022 17:18

You have to declare childrens accounts.

Show quote history

The judge in my divorce case (last 10 years) said that my ex-H didnt have to declare any account opened by him and held in trust by him (so not jointly) for our DC. We argued strongly that the minute after the divorce was finalised he could cash it all in and were told tough.

I did cashback everytime I went shopping. It wasnt a huge sum but gave me some flexibility.

lassof · 02/06/2022 16:17

When you say it's illegal, what exactly is the penalty?
There are a million ways to hide a small amount of money like this. Just don't put it in your child's account, as that has to be declared. And really don't feel you need to declare it. You'll find women are more honest/law abiding than men so mumsnet is full of 'shoulds' and 'have to's. In reality, unless we are talking megabucks and he pays for a financial audit, you won't be found out. If it's cashed in before you formally separate, really never going to be an issue

lassof · 02/06/2022 16:51

Should you ever be frightened by Form E if you come to complete it, you may find this blog interesting
Link
In the meantime, just move the money somewhere eg cash it in, give it to your mum for safekeeping.

Nomad916 · 02/06/2022 16:57

Legally you have to, however exh didn't declare one of his bank accounts & there was no way I could prove it existed! He also bought physical bitcoin etc & his it. Seems that's liars get away with it.

Nomad916 · 02/06/2022 17:01

Also I spent a fortune on legal fees trying to get the truth out, to no avail. He also gave a lot of cash to his mother. I was shocked that the courts didn't care.

youlightupmyday · 02/06/2022 17:03

You are meant to but they don't check, even with a Form E. Do not tell your solicitor.

And yes the CC vs Bank statements was bloody annoying as exDH spent everything on CC and I didn't have one so his solicitor went through my bank accounts with a toothcomb, and the barrister was scathing in court. ( I still won though)

WarOnSlugs · 03/06/2022 00:09

Nomad916 · 02/06/2022 16:57

Legally you have to, however exh didn't declare one of his bank accounts & there was no way I could prove it existed! He also bought physical bitcoin etc & his it. Seems that's liars get away with it.

Physical bitcoin?

WarOnSlugs · 03/06/2022 00:12

I can believe all of these people who are suggesting the OP should lie in a courtroom. That is insane.

Child maintenance needs to be fixed at 30-40% of the NRP's income and enforced properly. That is how we see change for those kids.

FloydPepper · 03/06/2022 00:18

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 01/06/2022 18:11

Exactly. Looking forward to posters saying the same on other threads when a man wants to do it in some way.

Show quote history

You’ll have a long wait…

always happens. Advice to hide money and assets when it’s a woman, but those posters would never say it’s ok for a man to do that.

FloydPepper · 03/06/2022 00:19

coodawoodashooda · 02/06/2022 12:38

What a bastard.

Show quote history

What do you think of the women on this thread advising the op to do that?

AuntTwacky · 03/06/2022 00:25

You have to share and split everything

GinGym · 03/06/2022 00:32

I may be wrong (or maybe it is just in Scotland) but doesn't a divorce deal only with assets accumulated whilst in the marriage? Surely if you can prove the money was there before you got married he has no claim on it? I think you should get legal advice.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/06/2022 05:52

My ex husband took out a lot of cash every month, said via his solicitor that it was 'day to day expenses'. But all his actual spending was via debit card and visible on all the bank statements. I think he was giving the money to a family member to keep for him, my solicitor thought so too. No way to prove it. It was about £40k.

I did well in the divorce settlement and am glad to be free, so fuck him, he's alone and miserable 😂

Intrigueddotcom · 03/06/2022 06:37

All those spouting about if the genders reversed

bull shit

the reality is the vast vast majority of women are the RP.

Children are expensive! Much more so than the paltry CM that is often awarded. We, as mothers, know that.

I squirrelled away money. And I am damn pleased and proud I did. What did I spend it on? Fast cars? Dining out? Weekends away? No. I spent it on extra curricular activities for my children, a school residential, and a pot to draw on for all the costs involved when you want your children to have every opportunity or in fact… just a new pair of school shoes and foot ball boots because they left their shoe bag on the bus (as my DS did last week. So £100 will be spent this weekend. From the “nest” i squirrelled away)

I wonder how many men use their secret savings for that purpose?!

Margotshypotheticaldog · 03/06/2022 06:57

Whenever I suspect I'm about to be taken advantage of, I think " what would a man do?" And I do that. It's very liberating.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 03/06/2022 06:59

I have no financial advice to add, but I do find the discussion around ethics and morals on this thread interesting. Hope you get sorted op, some good advice here.

uggmum · 03/06/2022 07:43

Costco sell gold bars.

You could buy them with cash and put them in a safe. Then sell them later down the line.

Intrigueddotcom · 03/06/2022 07:51

Oh and i just opened an account
and didn’t declare
unless a very large settlement involved and forensics accountants paid for, highly unlikely would ever be uncovered

motogirl · 03/06/2022 07:58

Depends how acrimonious it gets - we haven't bothered with form e - we came to a private settlement

pattish · 03/06/2022 08:01

Oceanus · 01/06/2022 14:25

Get the money out of the bank, close the account and put it in a safety deposit box in another bank. Or get most of it out and then put it in a safe at the same bank, if he asks where the money is telling him you went shopping or that you paid of legal advice.

Do not do this. Apart from landing you in trouble later on it is immoral. You are married - it’s a legal union, that’s the point.

My ex DH hid money during our divorce. It’s not something you should be proud of.

valerianaofficiana · 03/06/2022 08:01

Out of curiosity, what would happen if OP didn't declare the funds and, by miracle🙄, got found out?