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Original poster

MIL and FIL snooping

58 replies

Lalarooroo · 01/06/2022 07:59

Need some advice. My MIL and FIL have looked after our daughter for 2 days this weekend whilst myself and my husband went on a weekend away.
When I came home I discovered my 2 year olds toenails painted in a polish that isn’t her childrens one that I bought her. I didn’t even know I owned any polish, so had a check through my old makeup bags that are put away in my en-suite…. I found 1 bottle of the same polish that my daughter had on her toes! In the same bags I have personal medication, other private things I would only want my husband to see etc!!

My daughter also went to a cupboard in our front room (I have told the PIL that she isn’t to go in here - as we have not child friendly furniture) and opened a cupboard door and said chocolate. Basically I keep chocolates and Easter eggs etc that I want to hide, so she doesn’t eat too much chocolate. Anyway, she has never opened these cupboards or had any interest in doing so and I asked her who showed her them and she said ‘grandpa’.

am I being unreasonable? I totally understand that they would be using the family bathroom and kitchen, but going through personal things in my en-suite and through cupboards that even my husband doesn’t look in in the front room is just odd!
I asked my husband to ask if they’d painted my daughters nails - they said yes, but with a child friendly polish (Rimmel is not child friendly) and his dad said that he had painted them, but my MIL had given it to him!!!

I feel like texting them and telling them they they aren’t welcome if they continue to do this, but my husband doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with their behaviour and thinks I’m just picking on them because I don’t like them. I don’t like them because of their behaviour!!!

help!!!

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 01/06/2022 08:02

Just don’t ask them to babysit again. Problem solved.

KangarooKenny · 01/06/2022 08:03

You had free child care for a weekend away, and now you’re moaning about how they entertained her ?
I suggest you be more grateful, and pay someone else to do it next time.
And throw the chocolate away if you don’t want your child to find it.

custardbear · 01/06/2022 08:03

Thank them for looking after your child and never ask them to sit for her in your home again

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Justmuddlingalong · 01/06/2022 08:05

You got a weekend away, child free. Your DD is safe and had a good time. I don't see why you're making such a big deal about it.

SolasAnla · 01/06/2022 08:08

You now know you can not trust them not to snoop when alone in your house, so your solution is to never give them an oppertunity to be alone there.

As they come as a package deal with DH, who will have been taught that that is normal behaviour, you just need to limit your potential points of conflict with them. DH will not see the problem as they have not changed.

DonnaRhea · 01/06/2022 08:08

KangarooKenny · 01/06/2022 08:03

You had free child care for a weekend away, and now you’re moaning about how they entertained her ?
I suggest you be more grateful, and pay someone else to do it next time.
And throw the chocolate away if you don’t want your child to find it.

Er no, she's 'moaning' because they trawled through her personal stuff 🙄🙄🙄
I agree with @custardbear say thank you and never ask them again

MintyMoocow · 01/06/2022 08:11

I don’t think they’ve snooped through your stuff, I think they went looking for nail polish and chocolate after your 2yo asked for them and then told her GPs where they were.

Rinatinabina · 01/06/2022 08:16

Yeah tbh they may just not have know where stuff was and had a quick poke around to find things. If I were babysitting in DD’s house I would probably do the same (not snooping but if DGC asked for something I’d ask them if they know where it is first then go looking if they didn’t).

reluctantbrit · 01/06/2022 08:17

I would next time. ask them to have your child for a sleepover if possible. Otherwise never again.

There is one point in opening cupboards for making meals, finding a toy or similar but an en-suite and digging through bags is a huge no-go.

I have chocolate stashed in a cupboard so DD (15) is not raiding everything before I have a chance to enjoy some. Saying that, your. FIL may have looked for something specific and I would have let that one go.

StageRage · 01/06/2022 08:23

Don’t send that text!

Were they sleeping in your room or a guest room?

If I was looking for nail varnish I would look in your bathroom, if the child asked for painted nails.

Not sure what harm Rommel dies when applied to a kids nails by an adult. I wouldn’t let a child loose with it, but it isn’t harmful when on, surely?

You know all those joke cards about a grandparents role is to spoil kids and undo parents’ good work? It’s because there is some truth in it. Grandparents are generally allowed to be a bit indulgent, spoil them etc. It sounds as if that is what went on.

Doubtless also to keep your child happy and not missing you.

Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:35

I'm surprised no one thinks Grampa painting two years old nails is odd?

I can't imagine any two year old asking for painted toe mails? What. Strange occupation when you think of all the ways to entraine anywo year old

Vsirbdo · 01/06/2022 08:42

I woudnt be happy at her nails being painted without my permission and the going into my en suite or bedroom.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 01/06/2022 08:43

Are you certain it wasn’t nail polish that your MIL brought with her and you just happen to have the same shade? She may have brought it her purposely to paint your dds nails.

it is annoying that they seem to have gone through at least some of your things, my MIL used to do the same. I never said anything though as she was driving to my house to provide free childcare for me and I knew the kids were well looked after. I just thought a little snooping was the price I had to pay for saving me the childcare costs!

ilovebagpuss · 01/06/2022 08:43

I think you sound very stressed by them and maybe there is more of a back story to their nosiness generally? However the criminal activities you have mentioned in this example of giving up 2 days to babysit their granddaughter and finding some nail polish in a toiletry type bag and maybe some chocolate out of a cupboard sound bonkers to me.
You smile and say thank you for your weekend away.
Then next time you might let her go to them so they are not poking around your items or you really tuck away anything medical or private.
My DD's absolutely liked having nails done even at 2 just a bit of bright fun at home. I never used kids nail varnish and I can attest both have grown up well without any nail varnish poison related issues.

springbreak22 · 01/06/2022 08:45

YABU

LoudingVoice · 01/06/2022 08:46

I think you’re completely overreacting tbh, just don’t ask them to babysit again, they were doing you a massive favour.

What harm do you think nail varnish will actually cause? 🤔

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 01/06/2022 08:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MintJulia · 01/06/2022 08:47

Lock anything private away. People snoop, they can't help it, or don't see anything wrong with it..

And you did have free childcare for a weekend. Better to let it go.

LoudingVoice · 01/06/2022 08:49

Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 08:35

I'm surprised no one thinks Grampa painting two years old nails is odd?

I can't imagine any two year old asking for painted toe mails? What. Strange occupation when you think of all the ways to entraine anywo year old

Not really, maybe grandma had painted nails and she asked for the same, not entirely sure what you’re getting at here, nail varnish is hardly sinister 😶

LookItsMeAgain · 01/06/2022 08:50

You need to get your DH to have a word about how places they shouldn't have been, they were found out for their snooping and you both want to find out why they thought it was acceptable.

I realise that they are your DH's parents and he probably turned out ok but this is about boundaries and respecting them.

Alternatively, the next time you visit, go snooping in their house and see if they like it?

zlister · 01/06/2022 08:52

KangarooKenny · 01/06/2022 08:03

You had free child care for a weekend away, and now you’re moaning about how they entertained her ?
I suggest you be more grateful, and pay someone else to do it next time.
And throw the chocolate away if you don’t want your child to find it.

Don't be silly. No rules then? And they're her bloody grandparents - if they asked to be paid I'd show them the door. Not the done thing where I'm from.

HollowTalk · 01/06/2022 08:55

LoudingVoice · 01/06/2022 08:46

I think you’re completely overreacting tbh, just don’t ask them to babysit again, they were doing you a massive favour.

What harm do you think nail varnish will actually cause? 🤔

You've missed the whole point of her thread!

Wartywart · 01/06/2022 09:02

An unlocked cupboard in the sitting room with no 'do not open' label is fair game frankly. As for the nail polish, check exactly where it came from before you accuse them of snooping.

They've spent a whole weekend at your house looking after your DD so that you can go away? You know loads of people don't have that kind of generosity from grand parents don't you? Just check out some past threads on here....

skippy67 · 01/06/2022 09:06

I think you need to chill, and thank them for looking after your kid while you were away.

perimenofertility · 01/06/2022 09:10

Big over-reaction… There’s nothing wrong with going into cupboards and drawers if looking for something when you are looking after someone else’s child for a whole weekend. You keep chocolate in a cupboard in your living room and expect a child not to look in the cupboard because you don’t think the cupboard is child friendly?! Lol. As for the nail varnish, your dd may have asked to have her nails done and grandparent has gone looking for the varnish, that’s a world away from sinister snooping. It’s not like they have interrogated you about your secret medication after you’ve walked in the door. Just let it go and be grateful for involved grandparents and free babysitting.

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