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Original poster

MIL and FIL snooping

58 replies

Lalarooroo · 01/06/2022 07:59

Need some advice. My MIL and FIL have looked after our daughter for 2 days this weekend whilst myself and my husband went on a weekend away.
When I came home I discovered my 2 year olds toenails painted in a polish that isn’t her childrens one that I bought her. I didn’t even know I owned any polish, so had a check through my old makeup bags that are put away in my en-suite…. I found 1 bottle of the same polish that my daughter had on her toes! In the same bags I have personal medication, other private things I would only want my husband to see etc!!

My daughter also went to a cupboard in our front room (I have told the PIL that she isn’t to go in here - as we have not child friendly furniture) and opened a cupboard door and said chocolate. Basically I keep chocolates and Easter eggs etc that I want to hide, so she doesn’t eat too much chocolate. Anyway, she has never opened these cupboards or had any interest in doing so and I asked her who showed her them and she said ‘grandpa’.

am I being unreasonable? I totally understand that they would be using the family bathroom and kitchen, but going through personal things in my en-suite and through cupboards that even my husband doesn’t look in in the front room is just odd!
I asked my husband to ask if they’d painted my daughters nails - they said yes, but with a child friendly polish (Rimmel is not child friendly) and his dad said that he had painted them, but my MIL had given it to him!!!

I feel like texting them and telling them they they aren’t welcome if they continue to do this, but my husband doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with their behaviour and thinks I’m just picking on them because I don’t like them. I don’t like them because of their behaviour!!!

help!!!

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 01/06/2022 09:15

Painting a 2 year old toes is not unusual. You either trust them to look after or you don’t in which case don’t use them as baby sitters. Your DD will have told them where the chocolate is. If you don’t want them to open cupboards in your house don’t leave them their for the weekend to look after your child.

The only text you send them is thank you text. If you don’t want them to baby sit again don’t ask them to.

Threetulips · 01/06/2022 09:18

2 year olds aren’t daft - they would’ve asked her and I would put money on her knowing where the chocolates kept and where she’s seen nail varnish - forbidden fruit!!

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 01/06/2022 09:22

You sound very ungrateful. I feel sorry for your in laws actually. They must be baffled with your reaction.

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LaBellina · 01/06/2022 09:27

I would not be pleased about the cupboard (after all they don’t know what’s inside) but going trough personal stuff that is hidden away in your en-suite? That’s definitely crossing boundaries and I wouldn’t let them stay in my home again. Thank them for the babysitting but don’t ever ask this kind of favor from them again.

watcherintherye · 01/06/2022 09:28

Not sure what harm Rommel dies when applied to a kids nails by an adult.

Has a whole different vibe to ‘Rimmel’ Grin

LaBellina · 01/06/2022 09:30

It sounds like a rather dangerous nail polish @watcherintherye

NerrSnerr · 01/06/2022 09:35

You don't know for sure that was the nail varnish they used. Is Rimmel any different to nail varnish specifically for children? What are the dangers?

Did your daughter go in the cupboard before you could stop them?

I wouldn't send the text if you want future childcare off them. You're very lucky to get a weekend away I'm very jealous as we don't have childcare so it's been 8 years since my husband and I have had a break together.

lollipoprainbow · 01/06/2022 09:37

Just be grateful your dd has lovely grandparents. Mine doesn't have any left now. I'd be delighted at a weekend away knowing my dd was having a nice time. Nail polish and chocolate is hardly the end of the world Hmm

Chamomileteaplease · 01/06/2022 09:38

YANBU

So they are looking after your daughter for a whole two days - does that mean they are saints and can do no wrong?? Crazy.

The toiletries issue. The horse has bolted but lesson learnt there. Personally I do think it sounds like your MIL used the search for nail varnish to be nosey. And that is horrible and intrusive.

Re the cupboard, posters don't seem to understand that the two year old had never asked to go in this cupboard before! And now it's cocked up the OP's very reasonable hiding place.

OP I don't think you should send the text but I would be very wary of having them over again. Is their house suitable to have your dd to stay?

MumNBass · 01/06/2022 09:39

Haha yes you tell them they aren't "welcome" to look after your child any more, so that you can go off for a child free weekend. Yes, tell them that.
These are hardly crimes you are citing- a bit of nail polish, a bit of chocolate- things your DC obviously enjoys. A bit of cupboard opening- well that's what you have to do when in someone's else's house for an entire weekend, when you don't know where everything is.
You can choose to view it as snooping or you can choose to view it as someone unfamiliar with your house having a look for things to entertain your child.
(Also, why have a whole room in your child's home which she is banned from? Surely you make her home safe for her?)

lollipoprainbow · 01/06/2022 09:40

You need to get your DH to have a word about how places they shouldn't have been, they were found out for their snooping and you both want to find out why they thought it was acceptable.

Yes and maybe get the police involved.

WoolyMammoth55 · 01/06/2022 09:45

OP, have you ever babysat someone else's kids for over 24 hours? I have and believe me I rummaged around for some paracetamol at the end of the first LONG day :)

I also have not have a night away with my spouse since we had our kids. Your post sounds entitled and like you don't appreciate how kind they were, and are instead nit-picking for something to criticise.

If you honestly never want another weekend away then send as petty a text as you'd like - really knock yourself out.

Otherwise, say thank you like most people would, and have a better go next time at hiding your private belongings.

Calphurnia88 · 01/06/2022 09:51

I think you are overreacting.

It sounds like DD asked for her nails to be painted so MIL looked in the most obvious place... Makeup bag in the bathroom. It probably didn't occur to her that there would be anything hidden away in there that you wouldn't want her to see.

Re the chocolate cupboard. I can understand why you might not want to give DD unregulated access to this so maybe you change the location (now DD knows where it is) and DH could ask PIL not to open it in front of DD during future visits?

Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 09:59

Personally I would be asking the context of the nails.
Op are yours done? Would your dd have Asked for this?

Even with my utterly bizarre in law's I would have found it incredibly odd to have her come back with painted toes and by grandpa?

Think of painting with actual paint and paper, play doh ,baking, Lego, bug walk, TV, snap, play park etc..

I totally get a child seeing grandma putting on toe nail polish and then wanting to copy, I can't understand out of the blue Grampa deciding to paint his granddaughters nails?

Same as I would think it odd if he wanted to put lipstick on her???

JemimaTiggywinkle · 01/06/2022 10:05

Yes of course it’s weird and intrusive to go through your toiletry bag in your en-suite. And I wouldn’t be happy about that at all - it’s very clearly private. And I wouldn’t be comfortable with that at all.

The cupboard in the living room is less of an issue - it’s a “public” area of the house.

Namechanger965 · 01/06/2022 10:07

I thought adult nail polish was only harmful if ingested due to the chemicals in it? So painting toenails is okay but painting fingernails isn’t as they may bite them or ingest it when eating. My SIL painted DDs fingernails once when DH took her to MILs. I asked him to say next time to not paint her fingernails, toes only, and bought her some child’s nail polish to take with her anyway.

The chocolate I wouldn’t be bothered by, it’s in a cupboard, he may have been looking for something to entertain DD. But I wouldn’t like snooping through personal things like my bags/en-suite. I would find out who’s nail polish they used first though, it’s far more likely that they brought it with them.

Zippidy123 · 01/06/2022 10:18

They've looked after your 2 year old DD all weekend while you've been away. She's safe and well. You thank them. They're doing you a favour. Don't burn your bridges. Looking for nail polish and opening a cupboard in the living room is really no big deal. Your child having their nails painted with rimmel is no big deal.

JenniferBarkley · 01/06/2022 10:19

The living room cupboard is frustrating but understandable. I don't think they've done anything wrong here. Every now and then, you just have to find a new place to hide the chocolate! Happens to everyone.

I'd be raging if they were rooting around in my personal things, but unless they have form I think it's far more likely that MIL had that colour nail polish herself.

lollipoprainbow · 01/06/2022 10:50

@Desperatelyworried23 I hate your snidey implication that 'grampa' I assume you mean grandpa ? Is some sort of paedophile for painting his granddaughters nails.

AmyDudley · 01/06/2022 11:09

I think going through someone's make up bags in their en suite is pretty intrusive, especially for something totally inessential like nail polish. I could just about understand if there was some kind of medical emergency and they were frantically searching for something, but otherwise it is snooping. I wouldn;t dream of going into my DDIL's make up bags, and we are very close, I respect her privacy, and wouldn't touch her personal items.

the living room cupboards - not so bad, I'd probably look for stuff in there like toys/games/drawing paper etc.

Its' lovely they helped you out but babysitting doesn't give people carte blanche to got through your personal belongings. I would drop it casually into the conversation next time you see them ' oh please don;t look in my make up bags - I don't keep anything for DD in there'. If they are offended so be it - you probably wouldn't be happy with them babysitting again anyway if they are going to snoop.

Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 11:58

@lollipoprainbow

Please hate my auto correct it's nothing more than that.

And yes I do find it odd.

Desperatelyworried23 · 01/06/2022 12:00

It's.a snidely implications

Unfortunately ,and I suspect you have never actually looked into abuse but most children are abused by people they know.

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 01/06/2022 12:15

Don't say anything to them, they'll be annoyed and might not babysit for you again. They probably don't see it as snooping. I'd feel uncomfortable with them looking through private toiletry things too but I'm not sure what your issue is about the living room cupboard.

I'd put a lock on the en-suite door and take the key with you next time. Or put your private things in some kind of locked container that only you have the key for.

KosherDill · 01/06/2022 12:16

Absurd responses.

Snooping in private areas is unacceptable. Always.

Total loss of privacy is not a normal price to pay for "free babysitting."

YADNBU.

If you have them in future (i would not) get a lock installed on your bedroom door so they can't go in there while you're away.

wallpoppy · 01/06/2022 12:19

Ask them where they got the child-friendly nail varnish and the colour and brand, because it looked so cute on your daughter you want to buy some yourself. If nothing else it will be amusing to see them backpedal furiously.

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