Is counselling always a good thing?

[AutumnOrange]

I am currently 4 sessions in counselling via work and am starting to wonder how helpful it is. I feel so shit after each session. Stuff is dredged up by the counsellor that I had successfully buried. Talking about it won’t change it. So what is the point? I feel lower now than I did before counselling! Does anyone understand what I mean?

It gets worse before it gets better. Stick with it x

It depends on the type of counselling/therapy. I've had CBT which was really useful. I've also had a counsellor who tried to unpack everything in my past to find a root cause and I dropped that as I found it a waste of time.

It does get worse before it gets better, you’re going through painful things from your past - it’s normal to feel down afterwards.

Id give it a bit longer x

Counselling on the whole is supposedly useful for most people although it can come with issues like you say about bringing everything up. There is a small percentage of the population that it can have an adverse impact on. Unfortunately, it tends to be those on the end of the spectrum where things are so bad and nothing is working and they are often sectioned with things like personality disorder where counselling is more likely to make worse.

For more typical poor mental health making sure you are accessing the right kind of therapy and with the right therapist is more important. Some people find therapy like cbt more useful as it isn't based on the past. Overall one of the biggest factors on whether therapy has a positive impact is the relationship between therapist and client. Surprisingly, issues such as the therapists education level (of course finding a qualifed ethical counsellor is needed) have been shown to make little if no difference to client outcomes.

I have similar feelings about this. I ended up having some therapy when my dc was in hospital. The therapist was lovely and very supportive but I did end up wondering what was the purpose of dragging up all these negative feelings. It felt like poking at wounds or picking at things that were best left alone. This might be different if there is something that hasn't ever been aired or dealt with. I felt that I was well aware of what had gone wrong and that it wouldn't be changed by endlessly crying over it.

HAVE ALWAYS FELT LIKE THIS! seen many therapists and hated everyone, I just hate talking about problems I can’t fix. Then I’m left feeling shit afterwards because now after forgetting my problems I’m having to think about them again.

That’s how I feel - talking about it isn’t going to change anything. I have tried CBT and it was shit (could have been the counsellor at the time)
I really like my current counsellor - she seems to get me but she is making me remember things that I don’t think are particularly useful to remember and I am crying more than ever. I only have 4 more sessions via work so am wondering if it is worth it. Plus what I am trying to achieve? I want to move forward but at the moment all I am doing is looking back. It’s having an adverse affect on my family too because I feel so shit after each session.

I did a couple of counselling skills courses and had to have counselling as part of it. I have to say I have mixed opinions! I can definitely see huge benefits but I can also see problems with having the wrong therapist, being autistic and not knowing (this affects the perspective of the person and therapist; I believe it can be negative), and also I did find it dredged up unnecessary stuff that doesn't need to be gone over. I nearly ended up sending a letter to someone that I would have massively regretted after a counselling session. I am so pleased I didn't send it!

There are different types of Counsellng. In my experience, if a counselor is not starting to help you to move forward within a couple of sessions, then they are a waste of time. There are whole branches of therapy that are based on the erroneous notion that if the client just talks and talks and talks they will arrive at some sort of resolution themselves. I personally feel this just keeps the person trapped in their situation/ thought processes. The best counselors will cut through the crap and quickly help to start a path to move you on. That’s my experience anyway.

I've given life history for counseling twice and then they've not proceeded, so no actual experience, but that happening left me very low and wondering at the point.

It left me feeling I was beyond help, so in that sense I know what you mean.

Is having things dredged up possibly an opportunity to look at ways you might be able to re-frame them, or reason it out so you think differently?

Ie: I've come to realize that if I believe what happened to me as a child was my fault and deserved, how come I think if it happened to any another child it would be abuse?
Hope things get better.

Avoid person vented/ humanistic approaches like the plague is my advice!

Person centred that should have said.

Have just read the post above mine that wasn't there when I posted! Wasn't trying to support the idea, more looking at any positive you might be able to grab from an unhappy situation.

For all those feeling like this about dragging up the past you would be better off with solution based therapies. Think about cbt, mindfulness ect. Even things like hypnotherapy, even though they might get you to think about the past a little it isn't explored in the same way, the goal is very much on changing thoughts and behaviours for the future.

I think counselling where you explore the past is only really good if you are struggling to get over something and you are desperate to talk about it and be understood before you can move on and try other approaches.

O and if the main problem is something like stress and burnout then going to a counsellor to get help for something like depression isn't necessarily the best call. Sometimes we just need space and time to rest and reflect for ourselves.

With the “right” counsellor, for an appropriate length of time for the presenting issue, yes it can be hugely valuable
I know a lot of work funded counselling provision is extremely time limited and I do wonder about the value of that when it opens up stuff that is difficult to process in a short time scale. You shouldn’t be feeling worse after the 6 sessions

If you like this particular counsellor, is there any chance you could pay for further sessions with her? (I know not all counsellors work privately).

I think you need to have an honest chat about how the sessions are impacting on your well-being (and family life). Assuming you only have the 4 sessions available, they may need to be focussed on some reparative work

(I speak as a counsellor who has had lots of personal therapy too!)

Counselling is pointless. Often peddled by unqualified people - anyone can say they’re a counsellor. Your issues and problems exist - paying someone to counsel you won’t change anything.

There's so many poor counsellors out there and very little actual help to deal with what you pull out once you've opened that box.

I wouldn't touch it unless I wasn't functioning and this was my only option, and only then if they came highly recommended.

@GinIronic The problems will still exist but the client my gain a different more useful perspective that could aid them in the future. Failing that sometimes people just need to let it all out to someone as we are social creatures and not everyone had someone to talk to.

Disclaimer, I volunteer as a counsellor for a well known charity. I have never done paid work as a counsellor and I don't intend to.

How is counselling going to change my violent childhood? My parent’s suicide? My shit organisational skills with day to day stuff ie bills? Counselling and cbt don’t change that. So how can I change me? I like my counsellor - she is lovely. But today she asked me questions and made me think about shit that I have long forgotten about.
To the pp who stopped themselves sending a letter after a counselling session - you are better than me because I did send a text that I now regret.
Privately my counsellor charges £50 an hour! I can’t afford that. And I’m not sure what good it does anyway.

I have lovely friends that I can offload to. I am an oversharer. But I cannot change what has happened and I don’t know how to reach the point of acceptance.

I’ve struggled with counselling too. I’ve had a few sorts, all limited to six weeks, through either my gp, or a charity. I’m now trying with employee assistance at my work. This one I have now, it seems the counsellor is shocked at the extent of my issue, but that doesn’t help me. In fact, I get more stressed trying to fit it in in my lunch rest at work. I would pay for private counselling but I contacted several and not one got back to me.

I’m glad you raised this because lately I really feel like I need to deal with my past but I don’t really know how.

I don’t want to go to a counsellor because I had an awful, awful experience with one previously and it has completely put me off.

So it’s interesting to read these responses.

How do you learn to value yourself and feel worthwhile? Counselling is just reminding me that I am not worthwhile and of all the bad things that have happened (some my fault and some not my fault)

I am getting mine through work and whilst lovely, my counsellor admitted they really only deal with short term issues and mine are more complex so she is limited because I only have a certain amount of sessions with her.

I had counselling after my divorce. I felt emotionally drained after each session. It brought painful feelings back up to the surface and made them feel raw all over again but it helped me understand that things weren't my fault, it helped me understand why they happened and helped me to realise that I didn't have to carry the guilt and shame around anymore. It worked for me op. I would recommend counselling.