Is counselling always a good thing?

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I am currently 4 sessions in counselling via work and am starting to wonder how helpful it is. I feel so shit after each session. Stuff is dredged up by the counsellor that I had successfully buried. Talking about it won’t change it. So what is the point? I feel lower now than I did before counselling! Does anyone understand what I mean?

P

Sorry, excuse my random one lettered post before this one.

I have had 6 different therapists since I was early 20's (now in my 30's) and hated every single one of them.... I've tried everything. Until I met my 6th one who is a very similar age to me, a psychotherapist and I've been with her for almost 3 years.

It's expensive but I've found the Employee assistance programme and nhs ones are so underfunded and overstretched, it is difficult to find your groove.

I pay privately and do this once a week and have not missed a week (save for the occasional holiday if we can't find a date to reschedule) and it is the best thing I have ever done. I am only just getting there though so it has taken literally years to get to a place where things are happening .

I've had good counselling and poor counselling. Sometimes it depends on who you see.

I haven't RTFT but saying you have "successfully buried" stuff is an impossibility unfortunately. The stuff will be taking its toll on you somehow, unconsciously, health-wise or otherwise.

But sometimes you bury it, are fine getting on with your life, and then time passes and even the buried box is forgotten.

I think society is a bit obsessed with counselling at the mo, and, to some extent, trauma, which has taken on different meanings.

not denying the trauma of others. But I've only really had one and my doctor would say I've had more. I imagine a counsellor would say that too.

OP I'm interested why you started counselling, though of course you might not want to answer, which I totally get.

I'be seen quite a few counselors, psychologists and one psychiatrist. The latter was the best. He talked I listened. He gave me homework. 4 sessions later I felt like I was done.

I saw another very good one for just one sessions. He was the head of mental health services at Reading Uni way back when.

Then I've seen 4 others who were basically a bit shit. My rule of thumb is the less they talk the shitter they are.

The worst are those that leave you rambling, stumbling and sobbing and then ask you a pointless question at the end.

The good ones alter you view of the problem and make you work.

haven't RTFT but saying you have "successfully buried" stuff is an impossibility unfortunately. The stuff will be taking its toll on you somehow, unconsciously, health-wise or otherwise

knackered81 surely there can be very few people who, by middle age, haven’t suffered some sort of trauma - bullied at school by a student or teacher; let down badly by a boyfriend/girlfriend; alcoholic parent/s, unkind parent/s; parents got divorced; hating a job; close relation or loved one an addict; unhappily married; serious illness; situation causing serious stress; loss of a loved one; serious financial problems;

So do you think everyone who has suffered any of these things will have their health impacted unless they get counselling?

My view, as a mental health professional, is that it depends.

Its really normal for things to feel worse before they feel better. So if you have an issue you want to work through, it’s worth sticking with as it will help to reframe things.

But…if you are functional day to day, not consumed by past events and able to compartmentalise or move on from “the problems in your past”… then it might not be worth it.

Yes I get it! I don't believe counselling is for everyone. Counselling is constantly pushed upon people!

Could you use your last 4 sessions to focus on strategies for helping with organisation instead of all the deeper stuff? I’ve had 6 counselling sessions through work to help me cope with supporting my son through some mental health issues. I found it really useful to have someone to let all my worries out to and to chat through different strategies for helping him.

We did briefly stray into my childhood but I said I didn’t want to open that box for the limited sessions I had. it’s not exactly something I want to be going into on my lunch break, so I totally get what you’re saying!

I have seriously been thinking about getting counselling, but am unsure as to whether it would help me or not.
I suffered a terrible trauma in 2019, and I can't get over it. Its with me all the time and its affecting my life adversely, so I seem unable to get over even the smallest setbacks. I've gone from being a fairly cheerful optimist to someone eaten up with misery, unable to appreciate the good things in my life.
Would counselling help me? or would I be wasting time and money?

it really depends what you're going to counselling
for and what kind of approach suits you best. I've read many old threads on here where
people hated CBT because
they really needed to talk about how they were feeling and not given homework
and told that they had to change their thinking styles! Sometimes people really need to unpick their past. Sometimes people need the counsellor to shut the hell up and just listen. I think it's good to do lots of research about different types of counselling before going into it and to know what you want to gain from it.

Did you go to therapy specifically because you're disorganised? Have you always been like that or is it new? Is it possibly something like ADHD?

This is obviously a lay opinion but I think it might depend on the trauma?

the one trauma counsellor I've seen didn't know what to say at all. Is it a thing where you can find specialists? Mine wasn't, but I think it is different if specialists are available.

I initially went to counselling because I started having a bit of a meltdown around the time of an anniversary, there were threats being made to me by an ex’s (we have a dc together) girlfriend and some paperwork came back into my life that I hadn’t seen for nearly 30 years which sent me into what I can only describe as a tail spin. Yes I have always been disorganised with bills etc - I don’t think I have adhd I think I was never taught the skills/never taught myself the skills.
I don’t believe picking over a scab is always helpful - which is what I feel I am doing especially given that I have limited sessions.
it’s so frustrating because I can see the person I want to be - the best version of me (nothing amazing but better) but I don’t know how to get there!
it’s interesting reading other people’s thoughts on counselling. I don’t think it’s a bad thing but it’s not right for me at this moment in time. Talking about things from 40years ago isn’t helping my day to day life.
When I have my next session I am going to discuss this with the counsellor - I need to look at now and look forward in the few sessions we have left.

Yes I have always been disorganised with bills etc - I don’t think I have adhd I think I was never taught the skills/never taught myself the skills

Op I was given a helpful tip once re getting down to stuff - admin, practising a musical instrument, weeding, housework or whatever:
Say to yourself I’ll just do 10 minutes. This invariably leads to a longer session.

@Barbadossunset but that's not what I said. I said there's no such thing as trauma being "successfully buried". There are many ways people can deal with traumas, depending on the context, which could involve writing things down, talking with trusted others, journaling, aspects of meditation practice, reading, exercise or therapy (not an exhaustive list).

I have started to do the 10 minute thing. I set a timer on my phone for housework and it is amazing what you can achieve in 10 minutes!
my good friend suggested I up it by a minute each day. Sounds so stupid because I am a middle aged mum but it feels achievable and not so daunting!
Bloody hell - adulting can be hard at times.
I know I may need help to unpick the past but right now I need help in the here and now and the future to stop myself getting into shit all the time. And my current counselling isn’t doing that.

Any treatment which is effective can also have side effects. I think the theory is that it’s like cleaning out a wound which has a bit of grit in it, yes it will bleed for a bit but then it will heal. The trouble is it really is trial and error with both the type of counselling and the individual counsellor, for what works best. It’s a lot of work for the person who has the counselling and I don’t think that gets explained

No, counselling is not always good if all it comprises of is talking, talking, talking with zero practical steps forward or zero solutions. That's essentially what counselling is, certainly in my experience.

If its practical solutions you're after, then therapy is what you need/want. Could be CBT, DBT and what have you.

Counselling tends to be short term whilst therapy tends to be long term.

CBT can be helpful
Saw one counsellor who did not other than ask "how did/Does that make you feel"
Then spoke to a few who wanted to go over all the same childhood stuff again which would have cost more money to discuss what I had already discussed for hours. Would not seem me when i said I had already done that and saw no point in going over it again.
To me that was just a money making exercise and not something they wanted to do for my benefit
Eventually spoke to a psychiatrist which was far more helpful as rather than than asking how i felt she offered possible solutions to problem what had not occurred to me.

I had a few sessions, but didn't feel the counsellor was helping me at all. She basically said it's your session, talk and because I wasn't finding talking easy, there was lots of silence

I didn't find it any more helpful than a cuppa with a friend (which is invaluable)

It didn't do anything for me at all. CBT just didn't help me.

I'm not convinced short-term counselling is that helpful unless there's a very specific, achievable goal or the client specifically needs something that's mainly supportive/a safe space to talk (for example bereavement counselling can often be helpful for this reason). Otherwise though, much like any significant changes it takes time - you wouldn't expect to become physically fit in just a few weeks and our minds are even more complicated.

For the same reason, I also think the best counsellors and therapists have undergone a long training that included lots of personal therapy. There are too many counselling courses and too many people qualify without ever having to really look at their own motivation for wanting to be a counsellor.

Personally I've found psychoanalytic psychotherapy the most useful. It does involve talking about the past but also a lot more than that, in particular making unconscious thoughts, feelings and patterns of relating to other people conscious so you're aware of them and learn to know yourself much better. My best therapist has been someone who was actually not very nice to me but he was brilliant at making me look at the aspects of myself I didn't want to look at, and I really needed that. I think he had the right mix of skill, experience, courage to address the unpleasant aspects (like anger and hate) and the sensitivity to do it at the right time. Previously I saw someone I got along with really well but ultimately I don't feel I achieved much, even though I loved talking to her week after week.