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Original poster

Benefits of not sending a toddler to nursery..

55 replies

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:28

Fortune enough to be a stay at home mum to a toddler, absolutely loving it. Don’t want to nor need to send her to nursery. Am I holding her back learning to share/play with other etc or is she just as good with me?

OP posts:

SchoolThing · 30/05/2022 17:30

It sounds more like you are asking MM rather than other way round.

Glad you’re happy. Suspect this won’t go down well as it’s pretty much a brag about what a great mum you are and how fab it is you can afford not to work.

TulipCat · 30/05/2022 17:30

I think they benefit from a larger peer group setting before reception. It helps them navigate other children and builds social skills in a way that you can't really replicate at home.

DinosaurOfFire · 30/05/2022 17:32

As long as you are engaging with her and not ignoring her all day while you get on with other things then she's perfectly fine at home with you. There have been studies that show that nursery type settings don't have a net benefit for the child till they're about 2.5/ 3 years old, before that toddlers tend to play alongside each other rather than with each other. (Nursery is useful, and sometimes sanity saving! Not nursery bashing at all).
If you are concerned about her seeing other children then toddler groups, library rhyme times etc are good ways for her to learn to be around other children. And taking her out and about to parks/ shops etc will also be good for her.

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Childcare & nursery Families

FlibbertyGiblets · 30/05/2022 17:34

Maybe send her for the last two terms before reception admission?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 30/05/2022 17:35

Definitely need to do something before school. I think they need to get used to not being 1:1, being responsible for themselves a bit more. Lots of things you mightn't think of like identifying their coat or bag in a pile, opening and closing lunch bags, putting on their coat independently. Dealing with other kids not being kind or there not being an adult about. Nursery probably has lower adult to child ratios than school so it's a gentle intro. We (Irish) do 15 hours a week from age 3ish for approx 2 years before school and that's been great for my two so far.

Original poster

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:37

@DinosaurOfFire thank you. That’s really interesting to hear, I didn’t know that.

@FlibbertyGiblets good idea! Didn’t think of that! I’m planning on sending her to pre school next September so only another year at home full time with me really, and a year before reception 🤔

OP posts:

Dodgygeezer · 30/05/2022 17:39

Good luck getting a nursery place for 2 terms at 3/4 years old.

But I would echo what others have said abput being used to the setting. My friend is a primary school teacher and says it is very noticeable who has and hasn't been to nursery

Original poster

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:40

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov perfect. She’s only 20 months and we do the get your coat/shoes put them on which she knows how to do. So planning on preschool at 3, I assume that’s 15hrs or 2/3mornings a week (need to look into that a bit more) but yes definitely something before official school. Thank you

OP posts:

Abra1d1 · 30/05/2022 17:40

It's good for building up immunity to colds etc before school starts.

HillCrestingGoat · 30/05/2022 17:40

I have been a SAHM for 17 years and I still sent them into nursery one day a week for all the things nursery has that I don't. For starters, me not being there but them having a key worker, many other children to play and interact with, toys that don't belong to anyone in the room so all for sharing, social snack time and eating with their peers. Singing games, dress up, pretend cafe with more customers than just me or Dh.

I can see why the appeal of not paying for childcare but I thought that my child would benefit from being away from me for 1 day a week. My children are now 19 and 16 years old so I am very far down the road from where you are. It also gave me a day for myself to do whatever I wanted whether that was household stuff or lounging in a bath without a child stripping off next to the bath getting in and complaining it was a bit too hot for them

bjjgirl · 30/05/2022 17:41

Personally I think nursery / childminder is key for kids to learn to socialise. The mummy group I was in had a few kids who did not go to nursery and you could see the huge gaps in development and socialising a mile off.

However this was 12 years ago but that gap did close after a few years at school

whosaidtha · 30/05/2022 17:41

A good quality preschool has been shown to be a massive benefit to educational outcomes. That's why they offer free places for two year olds from deprived backgrounds. I'd send her to a good preschool once she qualifies for the free hours at 3. It's good to get them ready for school/interacting with other kids. I imagine it could otherwise be a shock from 24/7 mummy to 6hrs a day no mummy.

Original poster

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:42

@Dodgygeezer oh really? That’s interesting! Thank you

OP posts:

WalkerWalking · 30/05/2022 17:43

Most SAHMs don't send their 1yo to nursery?! I sent all mine for the 15 free hours after they turned 3.

mathanxiety · 30/05/2022 17:44

My DCs didn't do anything like nursery until age four, which is preschool in the US where I am.

They were perfectly fine, jumped right in.

There isn't 'nursery' as such in the US. There's daycare, and plenty of kids are there from six weeks to school age (five). Many families have a nanny or relatives caring for kids.

Nutellaspoon · 30/05/2022 17:46

I think it's fine to stay at home if you have your own "village", so 10 cousins and lots of interaction with other adults and friends.

I don't live near my family so my village has to be hired.

DSGR · 30/05/2022 17:47

I’d send them personally,
countless benefits to being with others, being in a routine that’s different to home, different toys/stimulation/adults. They actually thrive

Original poster

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:47

@whosaidtha exactly what I plan and want to do when she is 3. I just don’t want to regret it in the long in run if it’s gonna hold her back.
Thanks

OP posts:

bcc89 · 30/05/2022 17:48

My little girl has picked up so much from nursery, including how to use cutlery, sit nicely, share. She just wasn't "getting" those things at home with just me. I think a nursery environment is really good for that kind of things, watching other babies doing it more than just boring ole' mum.

Also every mum I know who hasn't sent their child to nursery have a harder time leaving their baby with others as the little ones are extra attached to mum. My girl skips into nursery, runs to relatives, isn't too bothered about me other than a quick kiss goodbye if I ask 😀 I'm glad we did nursery for that reason alone. She is so independent now.

Original poster

Bubnbutton · 30/05/2022 17:50

@WalkerWalking 🙏 thanks!

@mathanxiety i love the jump right in thing. We do lots of clubs/activities and if anything people have commented that’s she’s the most confident and jumps right in like you say. My husband reckons that’s cos she has confidence knowing I am there somewhere and doesn’t worry looking for me or someone else

OP posts:

IstayedForTheFeminism · 30/05/2022 17:50

Mine didn't do any form of school/nursery whatever until they got their funded hours at 3 (3 1/2?)
We went to 2x toddler groups per week. Met friends with same age DC. And played/baked/ went for walks etc.

They are 17 and 15 now, so it was a few years ago but certainly wasn't unusual.

mathanxiety · 30/05/2022 17:52

If you get into solid routines like DC always hanging up their coats and putting away shoes/boots themselves, putting on outerwear, managing zips, putting on their own mittens, putting away crayons, helping to tidy up with you, bringing plate to the kitchen after meals, they'll be fine.

I assume you have plans to take them places like swimming pool, kinder music class or dance class, out to the supermarket where they need to follow your directions, or to some place like church or a museum where certain behaviour, quietness etc is expected of them. I think kids get just as much benefit from that sort of exposure as they do from a nursery setting.

greenbirdsong · 30/05/2022 17:53

I'm a sahm. I didn't send my son to nursery. But he started at preschool the term after he turned 3 when we got the 15 free hours. I think that benefits them as it's good prep for school.
But I don't see the point in sending them before the free hours kick in unless you need to.
We got out every day. Went to lots of groups and play dates.

orangetriangle · 30/05/2022 17:54

would def recommend play school or pre school from 3 mine started off with two mornings a week then soon increased to three it teaches them so much in readiness for school

HSKAT · 30/05/2022 17:54

This was also my plan, I was lucky to have the childcare but once he turned 2 it become very obvious he needed that interaction with children, the different activities etc.
Whilst we done playgroups, play dates, different things at home it's just not the same as a nursery.
We sent him at 2, he's been there a year and a half and the difference is amazing.
Socially, his talking, imagination, confidence, several different skills etc, his relationships with the staff are lovely.
It has worked wonders for my son and don't regret it at all.

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