Benefits of not sending a toddler to nursery..

[Bubnbutton]

Fortune enough to be a stay at home mum to a toddler, absolutely loving it. Don’t want to nor need to send her to nursery. Am I holding her back learning to share/play with other etc or is she just as good with me?

Both mine went mornings only for the year before reception to the nursery at the primary school they ended up going to.
We did lots of parent/toddler groups and both did music group, Tumble tots, dance etc. We did loads of activities at home, went out a lot.
One was old in the year and one very young. Both settled into school very easily with no obvious social issues, and quite a bit a head in many areas.
I loved being a SAHM, and really don't think not going to a day nursery did any harm at all.

So you will be sending her, just not til she’s 3.

really struggling to understand the purpose of your thread

I don’t see any benefit in nursery before 3/3.5. There’s a lot of pressure to send them but that’s because some people are offended if you don’t and see it as a criticism of what they chose.

@greenbirdsong perfect! Exactly what I want to do - thank you
@orangetriangle yes - definitely doing it from 3yrs. Thanks
@mathanxiety yes, swimming twice if not 3 times a week. Absolutely loves it and adores being outside.
@HSKAT Thanks, that’s interesting. Will see what situation is at 2yrs 🤔 re:socialising x

@OnceuponaRainbow18 plan to send preschool at 3 yes - debating/wondering if I’m holding her back not sending to nursery now or not?

It massively varies depending on the child. Two of mine pretty much endured nursery and had very little interest in other children, the other two really enjoyed it and seemed to get such a lot out of it.

@ThatNewGirl good point! Thank you!
@Seeline great to hear! Thank you
@5zeds yes, unfortunately I’ve had that - that’s why I’m questioning if I’m doing the right thing or not 🥲

Mine went to the nursery class at the local primary school from age 3. It was 3 hours a day, term time only.
Before that we did things like singing/stories at the library and going to stay and play. At stay and play she wasn't always 'with' me - as in the children might play a game with a play leader while the parents drank tea so she got some independence from me.
I never knew of the idea of sending under 3 year olds to nursery for a reason other than childcare existed.
As long as you are getting out and about to things such as rhyme time at the library or being out in the community (ie playing at a local park, going to the supermarket etc) then I don't see the need for nursery before 3 if you are not working.

Mine went two mornings a week four months before his third birthday so we paid for a few weeks until the funding kicked in. I'd say as long as she's going out alot and mixing in groups and parks and playdates she doesn't need to go

@Needmorelego @HappyMeal564
Thank you so much - really appreciate that x

Almost all gaps that are present at reception have closed by end of infants in all but the lowest socioeconomic groups of children. Those kids are generally the ones with more chaotic home lives, less able/ literate parents and generally neglectful environmentts. Sounds like that isn't you, so not attending nursery won't impact your child much at all. Theres also significant evidence that in most children, remaining with primary care giver for AT LEAST 2 years is very beneficial.

However, whilst I was aware of the research, it didn't stop me sending my kids to full time nursery at 1 though.

Bit of a nasty reply... And unhelpful. Chip on your shoulder ?

Op, it's fine to be at home for the majority of the time but perhaps a childminder for a morning or two a week will help develop her social skills gently. When she turns 3 you'll get some free funding so can then send her more which leave plenty of time for her to build social skills before starting school. I wouldn't worry - just don't plonk her in front of the tv all day and don't ignore her on your phone, talk to her and engage.

@cigarettesNalcohol
thank you for your kind words x

why do you say it was nasty? It’s just a straight up answer. This is Ask Me Anything when in fact it is the OP who is doing the asking. I’m sorry too don’t understand that.

Personally I did a mix with my babies. Back to work FT when first was 11m then reduced to 1 day a week when she was 2. Still put her in nursery 4 days a week.

Second one started at nursery full time at 8 weeks as I was sick. Had one day a week with him from 2-5y.

again, I’m not sure what question is wanted in here.

Some research tells us that children respond best to spending as much time as possible with primary caregiver until 3. But this is only the case if that caregiver is well. 🤷‍♀️

None of mine went to nursery until their 15 hours kicked in, though my youngest has been at a childminder for 6 hours a week since aged 2 due to me going back to work. Because of the Nursery we chose - a school one - they only did the academic year (3 terms) before Reception. Why would you send them if you don't need or want to? 20 months is still tiny.

As single parent my son went at 6 months old for two days a week. I increased his hours gradually so that by the time he was 3 he was full time. He loved it. Flourished as a child. The key I think is finding a small setting. They had 4 babies in the baby room. It was a beautiful room with everything made specially for babies with two adults that were essentially their loving servants. I’m also an early years educator so I vouch for excellent settings. There are things they do in nursery that you cannot do at home. Research tells us that 0-5 years are the most important years. They need a loving stable home. Firm routines so they know what to expect and as much early years based stimulus as can be provided. That’s hard to provide as a Stay at home parent that perhaps doesn’t understand the suitable nuisances of E.Y.E and has housework.

We've moved this over to our Chat topic now, @Bubnbutton as AMA wasn't the best place for it.

Not at all, years ago children were better behaved and settled at school fine.

I think your husband is right!

Mine didn't go to nursery either. It was a family and financial decision we actively made. Obviously I can't offer proper data-but I am as sure and I can be without a double blind trial rhT it did them no harm!

Sorry this is old but had to respond. My understanding is also that there is no benefit until at least 2-3yo. We didn't use nursery at all and constantly get told how exceptionally sweet and well-behaved our children are. They are also emotionally very healthy and play very nicely with others, share very well etc because they also not used to having to fight to get what they need. Their social skills are learned from adults, not from a bunch of 2yos, so of course they are better.

Nursery teaches children how to survive in a group when they don't get the attention that IMO a child that age ideally needs. They may be "school ready" but I find the children I know who go to nursery a lot are not as "life ready" or "relationship ready" as the children that get more time to learn about how to love and be loved with people they are a long-term relationship with. Of course, if parents are depressed or not good at socialising themselves, the children also can't learn that. But happy, healthy, nice parents teach something nursery can never replicate and any time spent in nursery means less time learning with parents.

I would not worry. They will catch up when they go to school. We now have a massive crisis in child mental health, coinciding with this obsession of separating children from parents and sending to group settings very early. If you can afford it, enjoy your child!

Mine only did the free hours. At the time our lovely preschool only took kids from age 3 anyway. Day nursery was a different thing people used for childcare due to work. As long as they are going to toddler groups etc and having some interaction with other kids, and other adults they'll be fine.

Mind didn't go to a nursery. I hung out everyday with lots of different friends with kids so they spent their days playing with other children. They loved going to school, definitely not held back! We did lots of fun and educational things. Very are now teenagers, academically ahead (think they would have been either way) and have lots of friends.

I would say the difference wouldn't be noticeable forever but my one year old has been at nursery for two weeks and I have already noticed a difference in his ability to play independently for a little bit, his appetite (he eats like a horse now), and his social confidence. They also do thing every day I would never have the mental energy to do- they have had two baking days and messy play almost daily. It's great but in all honesty I wouldn't have sent him full time if I could have afforded to stay at home some of the week

I notice a big difference in 2 year olds who have been to nursery and those who haven't. Even if just a couple of mornings a week, I think it's good for them to go. My 3 year old has been at nursery for 3 days since I went back to work (he was 11 months). I wouldn't like him to be in 8-6 five days per week, but I feel this balance works. The only down side is financial!