Mumsnet's effect on your mental health

[saraclara]

Over the last year or so I've found my background stress levels becoming unhealthy, and my mental health deteriorating somewhat.
I'm not alone in that of course, Covid has done a number on us, and like most people, I have stuff going on in life.

But what I have realised is that the amount of time I'm spending on mumsnet, reading and responding to other people's stressful and negative situations is affecting me. I've been turning to my phone to distract and occupy me, but it's like walking into other people's arguments, being brought into other people's fallings out and getting worried or anxious about other people's situations and tragedies. And that's without even dealing with any of the spiteful comments.

I'm not complaining about mumsnet as a concept, or about any posters. There's a lot of support and help here, and some good people. But spend too much time here and without realising, you can become embroiled in and affected by so many people's problems that it starts to become unhealthy.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. But maybe others of you are being affected too. Maybe if you're also finding you're spending too much time here, and that you're feeling oddly stressed afterwards, you might recognise my experience. I'd be interested to know if you do.

Anyway, I'll head for flouncers' corner or whatever it's called in the next few days, I suspect. For the rest of you, especially if you have other stressy stuff going on, it might be worth rationing your time here and not making the mistake that I have. And all the best with your own stressy stuff.

Not a bad effect, no.

I'm very isolated due to several factors and MN really is the most social interaction I get!

I like the fact that it's on my terms. In when I want, out when I want.

I'm sorry you are struggling and I hope you feel better soon.

I agree somewhat. If someone has disagreed with something I've said I do dwell on it. And have to remind my self that it's anonymous.

There's good and bad. I think if people get support from the site it's good.
However, I do feel that there are quite isolated people on here who may think that Mumsnet thinking is the same as real life.
Looking at the threads about Covid and Ukraine there was a lot of unnecessary anxiety, if someone relies on the board for support and doesn't have much RL interaction then it can, in turn cause anxiety.
I also think that there are a lot of people with Mental health problems that bounce of each other on here.
Then there are the downright spiteful posters who go out of their way to be nasty.
I suppose, like in real life you have to know when to step away from the dramas and not get personally invested in other people's troubles and anxieties.

I don't mind people disagreeing with me at all. It's more that it's like spending too much of my day among people who are very stressed, and getting drawn into their anxieties and their family/friend fall outs. And of course their health problems or serious problems like domestic violence.

We wouldn't choose to spend our real life surrounded by people who are distressed, in danger or angry, every day. And we think that it just being on a screen makes it different. But I'm not sure that it does. Or at least it doesn't make enough difference.

Yes absolutely! I have to take breaks every so often. There are a lot of very bitter and toxic people on here. I also found it wasn’t good for my marriage, as I was sow into a lot of time so angry with other peoples husbands that I was snapping at my own!

Yes I agree with you. Certain threads I will hide or just not click into if I know it's going to trigger my anxiety. A few times when I feel I've gone off on one on a thread and I've been negatively affected, I've deleted the app for a few days. It can only really affect you as much as you let it, no one is forced to use Mumsnet.

I've realised it's not actually good for my relationship - I seem to react differently to things although I can't really explain why. Maybe I end up looking for the worst all the time?

I have come to realise that I am finding it very draining myself to be honest.

I think it depends on your resilience and other areas of your life. My home life is very stable and largely stress free, my job is the opposite end of the scale and I work with trauma and extreme stress every day (other than days like today when I'm on leave), it's physically, emotionally and psychologically exhausting and there are free people in my department which been doing the speciality work I do for so long, we have very high rates of burn out. So even the worst scenarios on MN are very low key compared to that, and I'm also not dealing with people face to face nor am I responsible for the outcomes or safety of those involved, so I don't find they have an impact. I always keep in the back of my mind too that no matter how genuine a thread seems, there's ever chance it's fake or wildly exaggerated.

Yes I agree. You can really get sucked into negativity if you aren’t careful.

I think it’s good to avoid certain threads imo, there are a few I know will be a certain way so just don’t engage

I do see stark contrast sometimes to rl as in very negative on here re U.K. but I appreciate I’m lucky to feel positive in rl so try not to let it affect me

Thank you.

I use it in the same way as you, but unfortunately I don't seem to be able to ration myself. If I could pop on here for twenty minutes a day (or even twice a day) then I'm sure I wouldn't be posting this. But it's such a fast moving sute that there's always something else to read and I find myself here for way too long. It's a bit addictive. So I think cold turkey is the only way for me.

I'm not in a bad way, but nor am I feeling right. I'm not myself any more. I'm hoping that recognising the unhealthiness (for me) of spending time here, will help me fend off any more serious issues.

-We wouldn't choose to spend our real life surrounded by people who are distressed, in danger or angry, every day-

You're wrong here, lots of us in my profession or associated areas do just that, sometimes for decades.

I find that I'm much less relaxed about my relationship with my adult daughters now.
I read so many posts moaning about the behaviour of mothers/grandparents, that I'm constantly second guessing myself, or worrying about whether I'm saying and doing the right thing. Some of it has been instructive, but it's also made me anxious about the relationships. I check with my DGD's mum about pretty much everything before I do it, now, and sometimes she clearly thinks I'm mad! Fortunately she's much more chilled than the people who post here about GP's 'crossing a line' or whatever. But I still fear offending.

We part here in our down time, not our work time.

Although there's lots of helpful advice, there's so much general snobbery and judginess on here. I don't think any type of this content (plus other news and social type sites) taken in too great a dose is helpful for MH.

It doesn't impact me as I don't spend enough time on here. I never start a thread and I hardly reply to posts because there's always people who feel the need to jump on with their anger. However, I do find platforms such as Instagram brings my mood down so I've come off that and removed the app from my phone so I'm not tempted to look at it.

I credit threads on MN for helping me leave my abusive ex, and sometimes try to 'pay it forward' on other threads where a woman needs support to understand she's being abused and gain the strength to leave, but it's very draining and I can't do it for long. Like with any other social media, you have to pick and choose how you interact, and carefully guard your energy.

I get stressed out sometimes by social media (including Mumsnet) and also by things I watch on TV. I empathise easily and I think that that's why I struggle. I have had to alter my viewing habits and I take regular social media breaks. I do find Mumsnet a bit addicting because I am quite socially isolated and find it helps me feel connected to other people without demanding as much from me as real world interactions do.

Yes Mumsnet is bad for my mental health and I frequently take long breaks away from it because of it.

I'm socially isolated too and this is the only place I really converse with people other than ds and dh. I do find it quite a negative place to be though and some of the posts about autism are sickening and affect me because me and ds are autistic.

I’m a retired doctor, and I like MN as it gives me a chance to still be useful, offering medical advice or helping to counsel women with mental health problems or abusive relationships etc.
It is very heartwarming when a distressed poster comes back to update that she has successfully left an abuser, or started antidepressants and is beginning to improve.
I also spend a lot of time on the fwr boards, helping to defend women’s rights against trans ideology. That used to be depressing, but now the tide has turned and Stonewall is on the back foot, lawsuits are being won in favour of women, it’s very cheering.

It depends a lot on what you are reading and where you are.

The Relationship board is too much for me on a regular basis. It will make me feel down. It was worse when a lot of what I could read was actually quite applicable to my relationship but I didn't/couldn't see it.

I've also learnt that when a thread is winding me up and I feel I need to answer or get back to someone etc... then the best thng is to hice the thread. No point disagreeing or trying to convince someone who is wrong on the internet

On the other side, yes it breaks loneliness. It also has also allowed me to get in toucvh with people facing similar issues than me in the past. I found it helpful at the time (not so sure now that I look back...).

The bottom line is that you have to pick and chose.
Stay for the laugh (I love some of the house porn on here) or because you want to help/be in contact with some people.
Hide any thread that makes you feel down. Or entire subjects (The covid board was hidden during the last 2 years).

Then I think it can work quite well.

I always think it is worth remembering that people express themselves more strongly in this anonymous situation than they would do face to face. It could be easy to feel put pout or upset by disagreements to your view, but there is seldom malice intended, just a slightly more blunt comment than would happen IRL.

I am sorry that life is a bit of a struggle at the moment - you are not alone.

I've never found MN to be stressful or anxiety inducing. If that is what it is doing to you OP, then yes, I do think you should stay off it. And probably most social media for that matter. And don't read the news either.

I think some people are just more prone to being adversely affected by events not directly connected to them.

I agree that it can be stressful, especially when posters go out of their way to prove how wrong you are, even if you’re not.