Mumsnet's effect on your mental health

[saraclara]

Over the last year or so I've found my background stress levels becoming unhealthy, and my mental health deteriorating somewhat.
I'm not alone in that of course, Covid has done a number on us, and like most people, I have stuff going on in life.

But what I have realised is that the amount of time I'm spending on mumsnet, reading and responding to other people's stressful and negative situations is affecting me. I've been turning to my phone to distract and occupy me, but it's like walking into other people's arguments, being brought into other people's fallings out and getting worried or anxious about other people's situations and tragedies. And that's without even dealing with any of the spiteful comments.

I'm not complaining about mumsnet as a concept, or about any posters. There's a lot of support and help here, and some good people. But spend too much time here and without realising, you can become embroiled in and affected by so many people's problems that it starts to become unhealthy.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. But maybe others of you are being affected too. Maybe if you're also finding you're spending too much time here, and that you're feeling oddly stressed afterwards, you might recognise my experience. I'd be interested to know if you do.

Anyway, I'll head for flouncers' corner or whatever it's called in the next few days, I suspect. For the rest of you, especially if you have other stressy stuff going on, it might be worth rationing your time here and not making the mistake that I have. And all the best with your own stressy stuff.

It's been quite interesting to think about this. My entire working career was in a very stressful job, working with very stressed and sometimes aggressive young people, and their extremely stressed parents. I always felt that I'd cracked the whole business of being really empathetic (completely necessary for every minute of my working day) but being able to leave it all behind once I got home. So it's not like I don't have the experience and ability to compartmentalise in other situations.

The MN effect has crept up on me, but I'm quite certain that it's very real, and surprised that it's breached my usual abilities to protect myself. So yep, I'm going to address it, almost certainly by leaving completely. I don't think I'm able to ration my presence effectively.

Yes a bit. It's made me feel terrible about my salary and work achievements as it seems like everyone is a high earner and high achiever on here

You've got to remember that about 50% of it is made up bollocks or bored people posting to wind others up. So when you remind yourself that many scenarios aren't real anyway, there's nothing to be stressed or anxious about because it's not really happening to anyone.

It depends. I had people being very negative to me on mumsnet, but I also had the best support on here.

I had legal advice, baby advice, toddler advice on here and also help with life in general. I love mumsnet as you can find help with almost anything on here, there is always someone knowledgeable around the corner!

I tend to stick very much to the funnier, more light-hearted threads. I've spent many, many evenings howling with laughter at threads on here. I've felt MN jas improved my mental health on this basis.

Yes, it can be a viper's nest and public bitchfest at times which is why you need to be selective about what boards/threads you frequent and how much you share.

I would wholeheartedly recommend reading some of the threads in MN Classics. Nearly all of them are either inspirational or hilariously funny. Be warned though, you may need bladder weakness pads.

I try not to put anything on here that's contentious as I would dwell on it for a bit. I've learned some good things on here. I'd never heard of 'boiling frog syndrome' and 'no is a complete sentence' which have given me a bit more confidence. That's never a bad thing.

I absolutely agree about the positives of the site. And again, I'm not really bothered about people posting unpleasantly to me. It's more about a lot of it being about people's problems, fears and fallings out.

I just realised that a lot of my day is being present 'listening' to people being angry about other people in their lives, stressed about their situation, or just plain unreasonable! And on an almost subconscious level, I think it's affected me.

I hardly ever post OPs btw. This is maybe only the second or third in more than two years. So I rarely have people having a go at me. It's the 'background noise' really.

When I was first on here I used to let stuff get to me so I understand how you feel.
A couple of times I actually cried. That's cried cried not "I'm sobbing here" cried.

Nowadays I have really distanced myself from it all.

I contribute what I want.
Reply to replies to my contribution if I want. And only if I want.

I go through threads I'm on and threads I'm watching and click remove thread and that is it gone. Proof. I don't think about it again.

There is a way to be part of and contribute to an online community without allowing it to impact you in any meaningful way.

Tbh, it mostly involves not giving a shit what people think about you or what they reply to you. Unwatching the thread is my 'delete this poster from my memory' button. They can rant away into the void and I'll never even notice.

Feel sympathy for those in difficulties. Offer an opinion or advice if you can. Walk away afterwards.

Proof was autocorrect for pooof.

Hmmm. Do I disable autocorrect and reveal my atrocious spelling to the world or do I keep it and try (and mostly fail) to notice when it fucks my post up? 🤔

But there's a huge difference between work and personal life. My work involves lots of distressed people and I'm absolutely fine with that, there's boundaries and down time, clinical and reflective supervision. Personal life there's fewer boundaries.

No, because like any other social media sites, once I click off the site I forget about it.
They're just pixels on a screen which has absolutely no impact on my life at all.
I understand that others who post for advice find it beneficial, as do some posters reading the advice which may help them with their own decisions and choices, which can't be a bad thing.

After a few years you know which threads to avoid and those those started by the goady for the purpose of winding people up. It's easy to get drawn in. There's also a good number of toxic, angry, or plain stupid people who post on threads - some are just trolling.

It's best not to take it too seriously or become emotionally invested, but that's possibly easier said than done.

I totally agree, OP. It's impossible not to be affected by the negativity on here.

I know exactly what you mean OP. Other people may be fine with it but I have mental health problems anyway and for me the negativity and other people's stress affects my mood.

I'm fortunate that I've never been impacted by the negativity and have even made some good friends here over the years, some of whom I've met.

I have to agree, I was reading certain threads and my anxiety was going through the roof plus mixing my google searches into the mix on development of my toddler had me in tears when there was a outcome I didn't like. I've now learnt that no one can diagnose my child but a doctor even if others have similar experiences, I now know to step back and am very wary of what I click in to. On the other hand it can be a great way to connect with others it just depends on how you treat this platform for now I'll be taking a lot of time away from here for my own sanity.

This is pretty much me. I read/post then close my laptop/put down my phone and forget about it. Life is quite busy in general at the minute so I don't have time to dwell on strangers predicaments or worry about what someone on the internet that I am never going to meet irl thinks about me. I don't absorb stress from other peoples posts at al, mostly it just makes thankful that I'm pretty chill and things like a dog peeing on the verge outside my house or a stranger making small talk doesn't wind me up at all.

I agree with @ttsmama. You only have to take a quick look at some of the parent-related boards- particularly behaviour & development- to see that there are loads of parents out there driving themselves crazy with worry about their kids' development, and using Mumsnet as a form of keyboard diagnosis. It's so easy to get lost in an obsessive cycle of Googling and trawling through threads to see if one gives you "the answer" to your (often completely unfounded) worries about your child. I know b/c I've been one of those parents! It's so unhealthy and I've found it contributed massively to recent post-natal anxiety. I try to stay away now as much as I can.

This post highlights how mental health deteriorates.
Reading/posting/disagreeing responses from others on your postings (with or without malice) can attack self esteem and induce anxiety.
Well done on recognising how you are feeling.
The best thing you can do now is to combat those feelings, maybe step one is read posts but don't respond, maybe step 2 is don't spend as much time reading posts.
If others recognised these feelings like you have done and/or acted on them (ie. spend less time on social media) mental health levels will improve.

I used to feel like that sometimes, not that I was worried about what people said to me, just starting to feel anxious about my own situation, experiences, finances etc based on what I was reading, then a few years ago I hid the Relationships and AIBU boards and it's all good now.

It's really not.

The other thing I do is hide threads. If the subject matter is anything that might set me off worrying it goes. Out of sight out of mind.

I think it's possible to detach yourself from it if you try. You don't know any of these people, like a PP said a lot of it is probably made up attention seeking old cobblers.

During lockdown 1 it got so awful on here I took a three month ish break, just never looked at it. And it was absolutely fine, and quite liberating.

I do think hiding all of the topics that are annoying or you have no interest in improves things no end.

Take more breaks
Try to avoid the threads that are very upsetting/triggering or linger with you for days. You should start to notice the ones that make you feel that way and don't allow yourself to be drawn to posting on them
The very sad ones are not for everyone.

Enjoy plenty of real life! Don't let it absorb hours <she says three hours later>