Mumsnet's effect on your mental health

[saraclara]

Over the last year or so I've found my background stress levels becoming unhealthy, and my mental health deteriorating somewhat.
I'm not alone in that of course, Covid has done a number on us, and like most people, I have stuff going on in life.

But what I have realised is that the amount of time I'm spending on mumsnet, reading and responding to other people's stressful and negative situations is affecting me. I've been turning to my phone to distract and occupy me, but it's like walking into other people's arguments, being brought into other people's fallings out and getting worried or anxious about other people's situations and tragedies. And that's without even dealing with any of the spiteful comments.

I'm not complaining about mumsnet as a concept, or about any posters. There's a lot of support and help here, and some good people. But spend too much time here and without realising, you can become embroiled in and affected by so many people's problems that it starts to become unhealthy.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. But maybe others of you are being affected too. Maybe if you're also finding you're spending too much time here, and that you're feeling oddly stressed afterwards, you might recognise my experience. I'd be interested to know if you do.

Anyway, I'll head for flouncers' corner or whatever it's called in the next few days, I suspect. For the rest of you, especially if you have other stressy stuff going on, it might be worth rationing your time here and not making the mistake that I have. And all the best with your own stressy stuff.

Absolutely agree with this. Especially with all the virtue signalling and fault finders on here. There are some things you simply cannot turn to Mumsnet for support with, thanks to it.

As a past victim of abuse (inc. In my childhood) I also found myself quite badly affected by watching a great deal of coverage of the trial of Amber Heard by Johnny Depp. In particular JD's testimony where he recounts his childhood abuse.
I do despise this expression usually but I was indeed in 'a very dark place' for a couple of days afterwards. I believe the youth of today call it 'triggered?' Quite aptly described me and how I was so suddenly so down after watching that

Yes I agree. I think it’s the nature of social media to be divisive. I also think that there’s more angst and distress on MN than there would be in a real life community, simply because people are more likely to. Come here for help when they are feeling angst aNd distress.

Definitely time for a break if it’s affecting how you feel.

I think it’s such a mix. Some threads make me
laugh and laugh. Others are really awful. I have been subject to a few really unpleasant comments over the years and it can be hard not to take those personally.

I find I only tend to post on MN when DH is working away, I guess I miss adult company so in that sense I can really see how it could be a lifeline for genuinely lonely people. I’ve learned a whole lot about women’s rights. And yes the armchair diagnoses aren’t great but the flip side of that is that there are lots of posters here who know a huge amount about SEN which is such valuable info for those of us setting out on the journey.

So like all social media, positive and negative.

I’ve found the days I spend more time on mn, but definitely more on something that I find disagreeable, I’m not as clear headed or focused on real life and it’s a mixture of men and screen time I’d guess. I’ve definitely taken a step back as I was talking to my ds
about being too over invested in social media and screens in general and looked up my own figures and had definitely spent too much time on!! And actually the worst thing was I would flick it open in bed, despite constantly seeing the evidence that you shouldn’t have screens on straight before bed. I sleep so much better the nights I don’t look at screens. Saying that I’ve laughed many times on here, and there’s been people in skincare that have confirmed worries I had (I have roseacea and my child has horrendous excema) and set my mind at ease. But yes, I think mn as a main/only source of entertainment probably isn’t for me (laughing here, my phone keep changing mn to ‘men’😜

I often think a lot of people on here would be better seeking RL help rather than a load of opinions from internet randoms who may or may not be what they seem. I mean ok if you are asking which air fryer to buy but the huge life stuff probably not.
I get told that MN is all some people have for help and advice, but I'm not sure about that. When it went off for a few days during the Jeffrey hack I'm sure everyone coped. Plus there are other sites probably more tailored.

Sometimes I come on to Chat, meaning to do only the WAG, but I am interested in other subjects and so I post and get into trouble sometimes for what I've said. I think that your standard of sentence-making and spelling is good but I sometimes think that the standard of some people's English is very poor indeed. I am also surprised at the nastiness of some people, who seem to have a grudge against the whole world and are incapable of making any kind of nuanced conclusion about anything. I also think that people jump to conclusions about others and, as ever, there are no people so judgemental as those who are busy posting that other folk are judgemental.

I get this too. It does seem quite negative at times with LTB being stated so often a good indicator of people taking the negative approach. It's the echo chamber of views very left leaning and misandry too. Personally I am using it less I visit other places like pistonheads ect where at least I get a different set of views and it seems more of a debate. Don't get me wrong Mumsnet is best for parking threads I just need to limit time on it.

Mumsnet is nice for books, telly addicts, films etc, and I sometimes have a lovely laugh at things I read and which are meant to make us laugh. It is also good for people who want to ask about operations and illnesses, and quite nice for people who post when they are working their way through bereavements. They usually get very good support. So - good and bad, and now I really must get on with something else!

I think the parking threads novelty is wearing off. Years ago it was shopping lists found in trollies posted on here but that stopped, I think the parking ones will go the same way with or without the unnecessary diagrams.

I've only recently been a Mumsnet user, and would tend to look at the funnier threads anyway, which can be really entertaining. But when I have read threads from people asking for advice on various issues, I've been gobsmacked by how often several hundred people instantly pile in to tell them to get either a backbone or a life, or start picking apart one small phrase in the original post that has nothing to do with what they're asking for advice on, and I do wonder how that's affected the MH of the OP.

I think I sometimes keep on reading, against my better judgement, because of an odd fascination with who all these alpha females are, who apparently never put a foot wrong, and never agree to do anything for friends /colleagues /family that doesn't also suit them, as I (luckily) don't know anyone like this in real life 😁.

If you like feeling part of an online parenting community, try the Facebook group "Family Lowdown Tips and Ideas", which has a similar mix of chat, funny stuff and requests for advice, but is more heavily moderated for positivity, plus posters are not anonymous, which I think makes a huge difference to how people interact.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation there's also a lot of positivity and support on there for familes with parents and / or kids on the autism spectrum, with disabilities or chronic illness etc.

I found MN had this effect on me until I hid AIBU. It's much calmer without that section.

I love the book and movie threads , though always double check views with amazon etc And gardening.
Also feel it keeps me up to date with education and child rearing .
Some threads are v funny.

There are millions on MN now - threads are updated so quickly and then fall off the page.
I don't feel any expectation to post - unlike all the likes ing on FB. I found that a chore and even anxiety inducing.
It does waste time but I would prob be reading a paper or mag if I wasn't on MN so not much improvement there.

There are lots of angst-free threads on MN. If you're drawn to negative, dramatic and stressful threads, that's not a symptom of MN, it's a symptom of where you're directing your attention.

It's also interesting that you didn't just leave or step away but started a thread and then continued to engage with it. You've chosen to leave in the most drama and angst-driven way possible.

Well done if leaving is a step towards addressing why you're drawn to stress, drama and negativity. I think for some people stepping back from something that they've attached negative significance to can be helpful. And perhaps you needed your announcement to strengthen your resolve

You could ask to have this moved to the Flouncers' Corner and that will save you having to start another thread. Good luck in bringing more sunshine into your life.

I think your situation is quite common OP, but many posters don't realise the negative effect MN has on them.
I used to read a lot of the parenting threads when DC1 was little and it had a very negative effect on me. It made me very insecure in my parenting and it took me a while to realise that only a fraction of parents live up to the 'gentle parenting' ideal that is dominant on most threads.
I now mostly stay away from those threads and feel much better for it.

l find it interesting as an observer of human nature, not stressful. l have never started a thread and if l reply l never go back to check response, l' m not here to be validated by others, l give my reply and move on, so l don't become maybe as invested as others.
l come on here when l have a spare few minutes or on a coffee break but when l return to what l was doing l don't give it a second thought.

Say something outrageous and get yourself banned.

It's interesting to read the responses. And yes, I posted this, not as a flounce or for attention, but because I wondered if others might recognise the same effect.

It seems that different people find different aspects of the place stressful, and others really can deal with it by seeing posts as just pixels in a screen.

Again, it's not the anger or the trolling or the deliberate unpleasantness that's behind this (or at last I don't think it is). It's the background of stress, and becoming invested (yet being helpless about) other people's problems. Maybe it's because my job involved empathising with others and helping to solve their problems. But then, when I went home I was able to put that aside. MN is here 24/7 so there isn't a natural switch off point.

Thank you for sharing, and to those who PM'd. I won't be going to flouncer's corner, as there's really no point. But I will go cold turkey in the next few days. To those of you also wondering why you're still here, I hope you find your own way of managing it, whether it's leaving or hiding some branches.

Ha! Perfect. Then I really can't come back!

(1) I find it helps me keep an eye on it. When I find myself avoiding my friendly long-term threads I know it's because I need to change something.

(2) I have a decent partner and reading on here helps me appreciate that (particularly if he's just done something REALLY ANNOYING). Similarly I'm continually being reminded how grateful I am for my family background and upbringing.

(3) Conversely, reading about other people's inner lives helps me understand the people around me so has made me more tolerant and accepting of what I would otherwise consider ridiculous bad behaviour.

I read Mumsnet on a laptop so can't keep dipping in and out all day. I recommend it.