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Original poster

Neighbour let herself in, would you say something?

63 replies

Zippidy123 · 29/05/2022 14:06

I have a lovely elderly neighbour. I've been giving her lots of lifts over the last month to various medical appointments.

I'm full of cold today and have stayed in bed watching TV. I just heard a knock at the door, decided to ignore it as I'm not expecting visitors and none of my friends would turn up unannounced. 2 minutes later I hear 'hello!" Being called up the bloody stairs! When I didn't answer she tried the door and let herself in!

Now the moral of the story is to always lock the door after you've let the cat out but would you say something or let it go? She's lovely but I do find her a bit much sometimes. She clocks when I'm in work, will comment on my comings and goings, she also likes to tell me when I look tired or pale or like I've lost weight (I don't ever loose weight!). I'm not sure how to put the boundaries back without upsetting her which I'd hate to do.

OP posts:
SlatsandFlaps · 29/05/2022 14:07

God I'd be fuming!!! I had this happen to me with an elderly neighbour once but she was a foul human being and I told her so!

Original poster
Zippidy123 · 29/05/2022 14:13

I meant to add, she had a bunch of flowers for me as a thankyou for the lifts. Not sure if that makes any difference!

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 29/05/2022 14:14

No it doesn't make any difference. Ask her nicely not to do it again.

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 14:19

I think I'd be pissed off but I wouldn't say anything because for lots of people that's quite normal. Id just lock my door in future.

PerseverancePays · 29/05/2022 14:19

It will be a blow to her as you are probably a significant friend. Do tell her though very gently, that it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Ilikewinter · 29/05/2022 14:21

I wouldnt say anything, unless she tried to stay and chat then id tell her im unwell!.

However i would 100% be making sure my dooors are locked in future

Original poster
Zippidy123 · 29/05/2022 14:22

It's really difficult as I know she's lonely. I think her generation probably did just pop in and put of eachothers houses. I really really don't want to upset her. I think I'll be vigilant with locking my door and if it did happen again I'll have a gentle word. I think she was just excited to give me the flowers.

OP posts:
YellowLemonshade · 29/05/2022 14:23

"Ooh, you made me jump when you popped in, I wasn't expecting anyone. Could you let me know when you're planning to drop by? Thanks ever so"

Original poster
Zippidy123 · 29/05/2022 14:24

YellowLemonshade that's perfect!

OP posts:
AyeUpMeDuck · 29/05/2022 14:24

Thank her and be polite...

Never leave door unlocked again..
Let cat out the window or back door instead.

Cranefliesthinkthecarroofiswater · 29/05/2022 14:25

Tricky. I think I'd be honest gently find a way to tell her that people coming in that way terrifies me and please don't do it again.

itsgettingweird · 29/05/2022 14:25

I think it's probably something she did out of kindness - wanting to check your ok.

She only came in because the door was unlocked so rather than upset her I'd just make sure I locked it in future.

It was more a combination of events rather than maliciousness but if you're finding her too much I'd gently re establish boundaries by being less available.

But you've been so kind to her and it probably means more to her than you realise.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 29/05/2022 14:25

I think I wouldn't say anything this time, especially if I didn't say anything at the time. But I'll make sure to lock the door.

olympicsrock · 29/05/2022 14:25

Oh gosh - she didn’t want the flowers to go to waste.
She did overstep the mark but I would let it go this time .

BraveryBot9to5 · 29/05/2022 14:28

Wow.... that is too much.

My neighbours are elderly and once when I had a day off and was determined not to answer the door, one of them just KEPT knocking, I left it for the first 20 minutes but when she didn't go away and I could hear her shouting my name through the letter box, I had to go downstairs, she was locked out. She came through my house and went over the back wall in to her own garden because her back door was open. I was scare she'd kill herself falling too hard over the wall....
i don't know how she knew i wasn't at work though. Weird.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 29/05/2022 14:29

Whilst it’s tempting to say something, she is evidently lonely and loves your friendship. To say something, however kindly, would probably upset her far more, than this incident has upset you. As you said, lesson learnt - lock the door! It could have been some random chancer and not a lovely neighbour.
Believe me when I say you will laugh at this, when I was a 21, my Dh (then fiancé) stayed with me, whilst I was house and cat sitting for my parents. Being young and having privacy, we did what youngsters do - on to realise mums elderly neighbour had let herself into the house to watch the tv - Poldark was on! cue lots of random grabbing of clothes and blustering about check the loft for wasps…..
we never leave a door unlocked now.

Inertia · 29/05/2022 14:34

I would either say nothing or use @YellowLemonshade 's suggestion, but start locking the door every time.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 29/05/2022 14:34

She overstepped massively, but depending on how elderly she was, or what sort of community she is used to, she probably comes from a time where people wouldn't have locked doors and people used to knock and enter. I couldn't cope with it.

Oceanus · 29/05/2022 14:34

I'd be fuming too but with very elderly people I tend to be more lenient. It really depends on how old she is really. If she really is that old, just let it go. She'll be vry upset and it isn't worth it. Next time tell her she was lucky she didn't catch you naked wink.
You should take it as a cheap lesson: never leave the door unlocked again. It was the nice neighbour from next door but it also could have been some random guy stealing the car keys we all know we shouldn't but often leave by the door so we won't lose them.

Irishfarmer · 29/05/2022 14:38

I don't think I'd say anything. She was doing it from a kind place. We had neighbours growing up in the 90s/00s who would just walk in our back door.

SundayTeatime · 29/05/2022 14:39

How does she let herself in without a key? My door locks as soon as it’s shut and it needs a key to open. Then it has another key to properly lock it. I can’t quite imagine a scenario where the door is closed but someone can just open it. Like an internal door?

MunchMunch · 29/05/2022 14:41

girlmom21 · 29/05/2022 14:19

I think I'd be pissed off but I wouldn't say anything because for lots of people that's quite normal. Id just lock my door in future.

This.

She also probably thinks you're good friends and neighbours and that you'd be ok with her popping in. And yes, definitely always keep your door locked!

Original poster
Zippidy123 · 29/05/2022 14:43

SundayTeatime its just an external door that you have to lock with a key.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm not going to say anything, I really don't want to upset her and I think whatever way I worded it she'd feel bad so I'll leave it. She's in her late 70's but her health is poor and i know I mean a lot to her.

She's done me a favour really, as PP have said it could have been a burglar!

OP posts:
HideousKinky · 29/05/2022 14:50

This is why I am an obsessive locker of doors....

We had a neighbour (moved away now, thankfully) who would never knock at the front door - she would come down the side of the house and just walk in through the back door! She was oblivious to the very surprised/displeased expressions on our faces if we were in the kitchen and if we weren't, she'd call out "Cooeeeeeee!!" 😬

getsomehelp · 29/05/2022 14:52

She probably was worried you'd had an accident.
She knew you were in & didn't reply.
Lucky you hadn't fallen downstairs!