What's your life purpose?

[ArticHare]

Maybe it's turning 40, maybe it's juggling full time work, kids, family. I feel like my kids have taken over my life in terms of being worried or frustrated or angry but also my top source of joy... and subsumed me. In short, I feel my kids have become my life purpose.

I can't help wonder what I'd do for myself as DC grow up and seek their own paths? Still a while away but you know, days are long and years are short yada. I have a variety of casual hobbies but nothing of the depth of passion like with DC. I want to retire early as i dont enjoy corporate life massively, but will face an empty nest then. I cannot face the thought of doing volunteering or gardening or playing bridge or just walking around... you know, old people stuff. No interest in travelling, adrenalin sports etc - been there done that in 20s and 30s - for which im lucky and grateful for. Do I just wither and wait to die off when the kids are independent adults?

Was reading this article and despairing.

I'm sorry I am not being ageist but in my immediate environment it is only retirees (who are all old) or some SAHP who can commit time to volunteering and gardening!!

My purpose is to have fun and be kind. Genuinely. And I have loads of fun and am kind all the time whenever and wherever I can be.

Op I find your post genuinely hilarious. I have "done" many things in my life and achieved stuff too which is not always the same. I am an old person and retired but I don't do old person stuff because I am too busy doing any age person stuff. Your purpose in life is to be you as hard as you can and what that means will vary loads according to what is going on in your life.

When I wonder, sometimes, about what I have made of my life - no great successful career, no children - I think of this short poem by Raymond Carver. I like the feeling of it.

I think it just comes gradually. All the women I know seem to be rediscovering hobbies/career change/going back to work. There’s definitely been a bit of a renaissance amongst us all. Our kids are sort of 7-10 years old and I can feel a bit of a sea change.
Women are wonderfully adaptable and changeable. I think you’ll find your thing as your life unfolds. The wonderful thing about being a woman is you can have so many different lives and adventures. Your next one is coming.
For me, I’ve taken up drums again, loving gardening, and now have the money to have mini breaks in luxury hotels! I’m not sure if it’s what my life’s purpose is but it’s doing me for now.

I'd rather not say exactly what mu job is, because it's quite specific, but broadly I work in education. I'm in the private sector, so I get the nice working environment that comes with that, but I'm still working to educate children, which makes me feel good about my work. I work with a large bunch of bright, driven, interesting people, very mixed in terms of age, gender etc. And I've also got involved in charitable work through my job, which is very rewarding. It can be busy and stressful at times, but I love it. I find that the work side of my life almost gives me permission to enjoy the leisure side (not that you should need permission, but that's still how it makes me feel).

Thank you for this!

Honestly? It's to find and promote regenerative solutions to climate change. It's almost psychologically required that we deny that we are trashing the planet, I'm realising. But there are so many situations where climate action is also a huge positive for the world - like clean, renewable energy and all the lives that would be saved without pollution. Hard not to despair at our current government though.

When I look back over my life my purpose is connecting people/problem solving . I was a journalist and then social worker now work as a link worker. And I have my own business too which is my hobby. I also have a child, he's along for the ride and will hopefully turn out a fully fledged decent human, but parenting is not my life purpose.

I had to give up work to care for a disabled child and he's leaving school in the next few years so I'll be at home with him for as long as we both are alive. The thought of it being only him and me is quite daunting, I'm used to a bustling house but I can already see my other 2dc edging their way out of the nest. As sad as it sounds my friends have never given me pleasure in the way that my dc have so I have no desire to suddenly spend lots of time with them. I hope to be a very hands on grandmother one day.

There are lots of very demanding and intellectually stimulating voluntary roles you could train to do to serve the community.

Creative pursuits are rewarding.

Learning something new, a language , or an online MOOC.

Visiting somewhere new - as you say, with peace to wander rather than with little people running around.

Reading, thinking.

I don't think you have to find ONE thing, or anything that will be as involving and rewarding as rearing your children. Just find what feels good.

It depends of course on your financial situation too. Not many people are in a position to spend all their time pursuing hobbies, travelling etc, without earning the money to pay for that. And also on your relationship. I think if my full time hobbies etc were being funded by a husband who was still working full tilt, that wouldn't sit well with me. Very different if you're both retired/winding down, or if your hobbies etc are fitting around your own paid work.