What's your life purpose?

[ArticHare]

Maybe it's turning 40, maybe it's juggling full time work, kids, family. I feel like my kids have taken over my life in terms of being worried or frustrated or angry but also my top source of joy... and subsumed me. In short, I feel my kids have become my life purpose.

I can't help wonder what I'd do for myself as DC grow up and seek their own paths? Still a while away but you know, days are long and years are short yada. I have a variety of casual hobbies but nothing of the depth of passion like with DC. I want to retire early as i dont enjoy corporate life massively, but will face an empty nest then. I cannot face the thought of doing volunteering or gardening or playing bridge or just walking around... you know, old people stuff. No interest in travelling, adrenalin sports etc - been there done that in 20s and 30s - for which im lucky and grateful for. Do I just wither and wait to die off when the kids are independent adults?

Was reading this article and despairing.

Nothing.

Theres no purpose in life. I’m just here by accident.

That doesn’t mean I am depressed but if you search for meaning or purpose then you might be disappointed.

Are you spiritually curious or interested in community/ self improvement? I'm part of a community of like minded people from all walks of life, but who are all interested in honouring nature and living consciously as intentionally. Hippies really. Not for everyone but that's the path my life's taken and will continue once kids grow up. Lots of yoga/ gentle activism/ seasonal community celebrations etc.

@Nix32 I think I might be! My job is the same. At the evenings and weekends I’m happy just to chill as the weeks are so busy with work etc. but then I worry I’m letting life pass me by.

@ArticHare at least we have supportive partners for when we figure ourselves out.

I think a good start for me would be just getting better at making plans for myself. I often don’t bother as there’s the kid’s things in the calendar and the weekend seems busy but then spend a lot of time not doing much at all.

Yes my purpose is my child. I know people say you shouldn't do that on here but I don't really have a lot of people at all and it hurts so when my child goes it'll just be me and the pets.

My purpose is to enjoy my family, to travel and to learn. OH says his purpose is to keep me happy but ultimately his purpose is to feed the worms.

not sure why gardening, volunteering or bridge are ‘old people’ , my son is 17, volunteers and helps down my allotment, volunteering encompasses a huge range of stuff.
I have an allotment where I intend to spend a fair bit of my retirement, I will probably volunteer to organise our local arts festival.
But those things arent my purpose in life as such
if I have a purpose its to live a good life, where I do no harm and hopefully do some good

The health and happiness of my children. They're the only reason that I exist.

I really recommend this TedTalk

To address the inter-gernerational trauma (together with OH taking responsibility for his side of the family). It’s been
bloody hard and a huge financial responsibility (therapy), but so worth it, for me and DD.

To overcome ego and look outwards to cherishing others and community.

A wife and mother.

Having adopted two siblings with special needs I certainly felt my life purpose was to advocate for them and making their futures much brighter then it might have been. However, I've now become involved with local groups and ended up being chair of one. It has been fantastic for my moral, I've learnt so much about myself and have succeeded in completing a big local project. There may well be a group that could do with your help, have found helping others very rewarding, where you could use your expertness to their advantage.

Do you work? I'm like you, I'm someone who needs a sense of purpose and to be busy. I do have a couple of hobbies, but no 'passion', and when I do have time to myself I'm actually quite rubbish at doing much with it. But I love my job. In the last year I've come to realise that the thing that makes me feel happiest and most fulfilled (outside of my kids, who as you say don't need me so many hours of the day now), is work. So I've just taken on a much more responsible and longer hours job, and I'm loving it. It also means I earn a lot more, so I can afford to do really nice things with the family in the time when I'm not working.

I'm 56 and my perspective on this has changed as time has gone on. I've been a Mother for 34 years and youngest is 17 so its been a bloody long drawn out job.
I'm definitely looking forward to being childfree. I don't want the workload and responsibility anymore to be honest. I intend to spend the rest of my life concentrating on doing lots of what makes me happy.

Ha this is how I feel.
Also restless

This is also me. I know it shouldn't but it is

@Zerrin13 what will you be concentrating on in the next years?

Can I live with you, please?

@covidaarrgghh I do work, well paid but aside from the paycheck and daily structure it doesn't do much for me.

Would you still work the longer hours, shoulder the responsibility (and stress) if you had enough to fund the things you wanted to do outside work?

I do admire people who want to do rescue cats and the like. I almost wish I cared about something else aside from DH and kids, am so damn needy. For hobbies they are mainly sports and I have got the kids to do it with me for now. One day they will grow up and do it with other young adults not me.

Maybe you need to find a career more fulfilling than “corporate life”.

Don’t appreciate the casual ageist stereotyping, by the way: “volunteering or gardening or playing bridge or just walking around... you know, old people stuff” FFS!

I think life has phases and your purpose is different according to what phase you are in.

I was super ambitious when younger and worked in a profession that was seen as vocational. That was my purpose then and was accompanied by my desire to devote all of my existence to this.

Then marriage and DCs and I have a child who has many challenges and my purpose is to nurture them through school and to turn them into hopefully happy and functioning adults. Literally nothing is more important to me now and it does feel like my life's purpose.

When they leave the nest- well, I have no idea what will be next. I imagine I will have a period of being restless and unsettled and dissatisifed though as I have always had those periods in between contentment. (I am currently mostly contented, which is a true blessing for me).

Well I don't have kids (through choice) so have to search deeper for a purpose as I can't say its raising decent taxpaying citizens of tomorrow.
For me it's become more simple over time - we're not here for long and my purpose is to enjoy it, make the most of it, be curious and pay attention to the beauty of what I see around me.
I live in a national park and it really speaks to my soul. I spend as much time outside as I can (when I'm not in my corporate job).
I think I've been shaped by my mum who doesn't do much, isn't curious in the slightest and seems to walk around with her eyes closed.

Now my dc are preparing for university I am very glad I devoted so much time to enjoying their childhood, I am glad I gave up so much of my life to enjoy the time I had with them. It is not possible to claw it back once they are gone.

The time passes so quickly and before you know it you will be waving them off. Don't let anything stand in your way - other people's issues/problems/demands. Put it all to one side and do all the things with your dc that you hope to do. Have fun. Be as carefree as you can. Be the smiling mother you want them to remember. We followed the National Trust list what to do before you are 11 3/4 and then added a few of our own dreams/places for good measure.

As your dc grow your ideas will slowly evolve. I am retraining now for a new career that I can do into very old age, I have made time to have a good set of friends so my social life is full, I have a collection of dream destinations that I plan to visit one by one. I will buy the vintage car I have always wanted - with a wide brim hat and drive to each town in Europe before I hang up my boots. A house full of plants and flowers. Very adult furnishings. I have started pleasing myself, slowly I can see the change. I have plans to help the local DV centre and to share my time with charities that are close to my heart. I have started writing a book. I am now considering legacies. Returning to education makes you feel mentally youthful again. I have made new friends, gained new perspectives. I read constantly. I have dealt with my childhood pain. I know I am strong and I can 'do' life. I know how it all works. That is something to be proud of from the (very) broken teenager I once was.

Each stage will have its advantages and disadvantages, and learning to make it work for you, regardless of where you are at is key. Your children are still young, you have many years ahead, make them count.

my purpose is to nurture them through school and to turn them into hopefully happy and functioning adults. Literally nothing is more important to me now and it does feel like my life's purpose.

This is exactly how I feel. Until recently I was making plans to return to work, my youngest DC is now in preschool and it felt like the right time. Then a long chat with DH and I realised that I would be returning to work for ‘society’, not for me. My purpose is completely bound up in their lives and I’m absolutely fine with that.

If I succeed and they all get to a place where they are happy and settled adults, then I’ll do all the things that I love doing now but don’t really have much time for: sports, volunteering, spending time with my DH, friends and animals. I’m hoping I also get lucky enough to be an involved Grandma.