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Original poster

Was I wrong to be upset by this?

74 replies

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 05:48

I have had an laparoscopy and had a lot going on in my life lately.

Yesterday my partner got news his mother has passed away.
So I was saying to a friend of mine that maybe I can't meet her Saturday. First she did say sorry to hear. Then after that she saying you to remember to look after yourself and your son but just went on and on.

I completely snapped at saying she really needs to watch how she says things and comes across at times. I told her she needs to take your own advice Not to think she can look after other peoples children all the time when her health bad. Basically I layed into her when messaging.
So then I said I understand what you were saying but definitely inappropriate timing.

I just told you my partner's mum has passed away. Because I use to speak to her on video call it's really upset me so much. I don't need a f**king lecture just wrong timing. The thing is I do listen to everyone problems but helping them I been home relaxing bored.

At this point if she doesn't come and apologize for lecturing me instead of actually asking if I am okay. I wouldn't mind.

Sorry so annoyed

OP posts:
Newjobnewstart · 27/05/2022 05:53

I'm not sure why you are upset? Sounds like she cares about you. I think it's you who owes your friend an apology.

skippy67 · 27/05/2022 05:55

Blimey! Sounds like you're the one who needs to apologise.

lalaley · 27/05/2022 05:57

I don't understand what she has done wrong? What did she say that upset you?

elizabethdraper · 27/05/2022 05:58

Woe, you need to apologise

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/05/2022 05:58

Bloody hellfire, that was a bit over the top!

PAFMO · 27/05/2022 05:58

It's not her in the wrong or needs to watch her mouth.

Hercisback · 27/05/2022 06:04

I can't see what she did wrong.

headofpotsandpans · 27/05/2022 06:26

Yes, you were wrong.

onlythreenow · 27/05/2022 06:39

I can't see what she has done wrong. You on the other hand need to apologise to her for your outburst.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/05/2022 06:44

She's done nothing wrong!

I hope you apologise but if someone spoke to me like that, our friendship would be over.

Herejustforthisone · 27/05/2022 06:45

Umm…I think you’ve told it wrong.

Vampirethriller · 27/05/2022 06:46

You shouted at her because she told you to look after yourself?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/05/2022 06:48

If you were my friend I don’t think I’d be contacting you again for a very long time. Your friend was being a good friend to you. You, on the other hand, have behaved in a ghastly way. If you can’t see that then I think you need to step away from your friend.

TidyDancer · 27/05/2022 06:50

Wow. You were absolutely in the wrong and need to make an apology. A grovelling apology even. If she's a good friend she'll hopefully understand that you were having a bad moment and it's not who you are, but you've been vile to her so don't be surprised if she wants some time to digest it.

Original poster
Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 06:51

I will apologize to her suppose I did just lose. But she will understand and know what I am like.
I have been having a hard time and just been wanting to go away from my stress and this she got it.
I have taken a lot of people lashing out at me and accepted it so will just talk to her today.

OP posts:
supertedious · 27/05/2022 07:00

I don't thinks it's a "suppose" I will apologise you absolutely should, you were in the wrong.

Also, because everyone else has been "lashing out" at you, your poor well meaning friend gets it in the neck Hmm

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/05/2022 07:00

I don't understand why you had such a go at her in the first place?

TheAverageUser · 27/05/2022 07:01

Are you annoyed because she told you to take care of yourself? I can't see the point where you got cross.

PurpleDaisies · 27/05/2022 07:04

You really need to apologise to your friend. It doesn’t sound like you actually think you did anything wrong.

If this is “what you are like”, you’re not going to keep your friends very long.

Andromachehadabadday · 27/05/2022 07:05

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 06:51

I will apologize to her suppose I did just lose. But she will understand and know what I am like.
I have been having a hard time and just been wanting to go away from my stress and this she got it.
I have taken a lot of people lashing out at me and accepted it so will just talk to her today.

Hang on.

She had to approach you in a certain way if she expected you to speak to her.

But she will just understand cause ‘she knows what you are like’.

That sounds very much like ‘I know I can get away with taking my shit out in her and she will roll over and take it. So I treat her like shit, knowing she will be ok once I say ‘sorry’

Maybe this time she will decide you being how you are makes you shitty friend.

If I were her, I would be taking a lot of does everything from you.

My mum died in December. Sometimes people said things that didn’t really help, but I managed to lay into people who were clearly trying to support me. And you think it’s ok because your partners mum died?

ChagSameachDoreen · 27/05/2022 07:06

It sounds like you snapped, which isn't surprised given what's been happening.

I would apologise to your friend and move past it.

Mookie81 · 27/05/2022 07:10

If I was her I'd be telling you to fuck off, laparoscopy or no laparoscopy.
I'm sick of people using their issues as an excuse to behave like arseholes. I'm aware some people don't handle trauma well, but it seems to be an easy out for people to say their hormones, bad news, etc, is the reason they behave like this. Its not OK.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/05/2022 07:14

ChagSameachDoreen · 27/05/2022 07:06

It sounds like you snapped, which isn't surprised given what's been happening.

I would apologise to your friend and move past it.

But OP says her friend "knows what she's like" which suggests this isn't the first time she's blown up and been rude.

Everyone is going through shit but that's not a reason to treat other people badly and be rude/unpleasant to them.

TidyDancer · 27/05/2022 07:19

Mookie81 · 27/05/2022 07:10

If I was her I'd be telling you to fuck off, laparoscopy or no laparoscopy.
I'm sick of people using their issues as an excuse to behave like arseholes. I'm aware some people don't handle trauma well, but it seems to be an easy out for people to say their hormones, bad news, etc, is the reason they behave like this. Its not OK.

Agree.

OP, you might find this is the straw that broke the camels back if you've behaved like this before. If it isn't and she is gracious enough to forgive you, you may want to consider why you think it's acceptable to treat your friends the way you have.

EcafTnuc · 27/05/2022 07:19

But she will understand and know what I am like.
This is the most concerning. It says that you often speak to her like shit regularly and she should just accept a verbal lashing as “that’s who you are”. Being nasty and snappy isn’t a personality trait.

She seemingly did absolutely nothing to warrant you speaking to her like this, just show concern and said to look after yourself which is a very common thing to say in these situations.

Honestly, I would put an end to this friendship but for her sake, not yours. It sounds like she deserves better.

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