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Original poster

Was I wrong to be upset by this?

74 replies

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 05:48

I have had an laparoscopy and had a lot going on in my life lately.

Yesterday my partner got news his mother has passed away.
So I was saying to a friend of mine that maybe I can't meet her Saturday. First she did say sorry to hear. Then after that she saying you to remember to look after yourself and your son but just went on and on.

I completely snapped at saying she really needs to watch how she says things and comes across at times. I told her she needs to take your own advice Not to think she can look after other peoples children all the time when her health bad. Basically I layed into her when messaging.
So then I said I understand what you were saying but definitely inappropriate timing.

I just told you my partner's mum has passed away. Because I use to speak to her on video call it's really upset me so much. I don't need a f**king lecture just wrong timing. The thing is I do listen to everyone problems but helping them I been home relaxing bored.

At this point if she doesn't come and apologize for lecturing me instead of actually asking if I am okay. I wouldn't mind.

Sorry so annoyed

OP posts:
thatweirdhippygirl · 27/05/2022 07:58

I’m very confused.

OP is English your second language? Is there vital information missing?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 27/05/2022 08:07

But she will understand and know what I am like.

You often treat your friends like crap then?

I certainly wouldn't be rushing to contact you anytime soon.

FetchezLaVache · 27/05/2022 08:11

You used to speak to your partner's mum on video call? Had you ever met her in the flesh?

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 27/05/2022 08:18

My Dad died on Saturday & I’m dealing with a degenerative chronic pain condition, on top of managing his estate/register his death/arrange his cremation/work/so all of this as my only sibling is unwell & a host of the usual life stuff

I most definitely haven’t lost it at any of my friends.

You need to apologise. There is never a reason to lose it.

saraclara · 27/05/2022 08:18

When sometimes going through a difficulty, I always say "look after yourself" or " take care of yourself".
I have not the slightest idea what you perceived as wrong with that, or why you felt the need to lay in to her.

PegasusReturns · 27/05/2022 08:23

You seem to have missed out the part in your post where you say what your friend said/did to upset you.

It sounds like your friend cares about you. Expecting her to “understand” because she knows what you are like, is not good enough.

Apologise properly

Original poster
Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 11:40

I don't people telling I was wrong when I already know I snapped.

I have apologized to her and we are okay. Like I said I understood why she said that but to go on and on and act like I wasn't looking after myself..it sounded like she was implying I was focusing on him and not my son too.

Anyway we are fine thanks for comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 11:56

saraclara · 27/05/2022 08:18

When sometimes going through a difficulty, I always say "look after yourself" or " take care of yourself".
I have not the slightest idea what you perceived as wrong with that, or why you felt the need to lay in to her.

It was because I had op and she knows I don't like sitting at home. I get really bored fed up. I rested the first week of laparoscopy. Then the next week she was going on and on why I went out to pharmacy I had no choice. My partner had an important meeting.
Then yesterday I heard news my partner's mum passed away. I had so much on plate before this and was going on again look after yourself. I have been resting all the time but if was once but going on and on she drove me mad. It was like I heard you mate first. So I said line you need to look after yourself totally ripped into her which I know was wrong.
To be honest the reason why I said to her she needs to be careful how she talks to people was because of something else.
I would tell her look after yourself but she would push herself knowing how in bad health she was too. Then she switched and said she taking more care of herself now.
Like I said I have apologized and we can move on from it.

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 27/05/2022 12:41

Did you apologise? Or did you just give her a list of her perceived (from your opinion) faults? Because your posts are still blaming her for your outburst.

Don't look to take offence where none is intended, OP, it will make your life far more stressful than it needs to be.

KateLumley · 27/05/2022 15:13

.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 27/05/2022 15:19

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 05:48

I have had an laparoscopy and had a lot going on in my life lately.

Yesterday my partner got news his mother has passed away.
So I was saying to a friend of mine that maybe I can't meet her Saturday. First she did say sorry to hear. Then after that she saying you to remember to look after yourself and your son but just went on and on.

I completely snapped at saying she really needs to watch how she says things and comes across at times. I told her she needs to take your own advice Not to think she can look after other peoples children all the time when her health bad. Basically I layed into her when messaging.
So then I said I understand what you were saying but definitely inappropriate timing.

I just told you my partner's mum has passed away. Because I use to speak to her on video call it's really upset me so much. I don't need a f**king lecture just wrong timing. The thing is I do listen to everyone problems but helping them I been home relaxing bored.

At this point if she doesn't come and apologize for lecturing me instead of actually asking if I am okay. I wouldn't mind.

Sorry so annoyed

That is utterly mental. You owe her a very heartfelt apology.

Notanotherwindow · 27/05/2022 15:39

But she will just understand cause ‘she knows what you are like’.

That sounds very much like ‘I know I can get away with taking my shit out in her and she will roll over and take it. So I treat her like shit, knowing she will be ok once I say ‘sorry’

This! If this is how you treat your friends, I doubt you'll have them very long.

Wouldyabeguilty · 27/05/2022 15:58

You behaved disgracefully towards someone who was only looking out for you and trying to help. You have ABSOLUTELY no right to be annoyed.Your poor friend getting a mouthful of abuse for being kind.

WinterDeWinter · 27/05/2022 16:22

"you take care of yoursefl" is just an expression OP - it means 'I'm sorry you're having a bad time and I hope you'll be ok."

1FootInTheRave · 27/05/2022 16:34

She deserves far better.

She "knows what you are like" makes me think that you also know what you're like. And it isn't good.

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 16:54

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ladydimitrescu · 27/05/2022 16:55

You were bang out of order. You still can't see that, and the way you speak to people is disgusting.

ladydimitrescu · 27/05/2022 16:56

It happens sure you have done don't act a perfect b**Ch because you ain't. She live not die
It's not about her tbh right.*

It is about her, because you laid into her for doing nothing wrong.
If we are going by this logic, it's not about you either because you didn't die - so what are you Moaning about?

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 16:57

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Bellyups · 27/05/2022 16:58

YABVVU

nearlyspringyay · 27/05/2022 16:59

Ooh, charmer you are.

Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 17:01

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ladydimitrescu · 27/05/2022 17:04

*If it wasn't her it definitely would of been someone else.
It's not normally me to go off like that.
Infact its first time I lashed out at her.
How old are you?
On your high horse when someone knocks you off it I tell. What f*king reality check you will get.

Old enough to know that going through shit, is no excuse to treat anyone else like shit.
You posted asking if you were wrong - the second people said yes, you are, you start snapping and swearing.
You're the issue, not everyone else. Good luck to you.

PAFMO · 27/05/2022 17:07

My, aren't we classy.

Original poster
Scorpio8 · 27/05/2022 17:09

WinterDeWinter · 27/05/2022 16:22

"you take care of yoursefl" is just an expression OP - it means 'I'm sorry you're having a bad time and I hope you'll be ok."

I do know what that means thanks. She had been driving me crazy in a good way telling me to rest look after yourself. But yesterday was in the mood for the look after yourself please and just driving me crazy. Like I hadn't been resting.
I knows she means well but sometimes well lol.
I actually couldn't give a s**t what say or any go judge a person you don't know.
Especially when I literally am the one there listening to everyone problems. Dealing with this and that. So it's not major if we sorted it out.
This friend upset a lot of family/ friends when organising my bridal shower doing exactly same as what I did. So please don't judge what you don't know. In fact probably trying to prove a point. You can apologize and move on.
Especially to someone family when she didn't. So lash out was needed if not happy. Otherwise she a decent person.

OP posts:
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