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Original poster

If you went off work sick with stress

54 replies

Redsheetbedsheet · 26/05/2022 19:26

What was your breaking point?

I can't even think straight. I don't know if I should just leave but I'm not in the frame of mind to get a new job.

I have a long history of mental health issues but have always worked, except for a 2 year period after having DC where I had a total breakdown (many years ago). Now I'm not in a good place anyway and the stress of work is making life unmanageable.

Don't know what to do

Name changed to ask this

OP posts:
Blowyourowntrumpet · 26/05/2022 19:29

I got to a point where i was indescribably unhappy and simply couldn't concentrate or function properly. Take the time if you need it. I hope you're OK

Franca123 · 26/05/2022 19:29

Crying on the train into work. I just broke down. It was as though my body just decided it wasn't going to do it again. I went home and called the GP. I'm in a new job now - more senior. It's night and day. I knew at the time my boss was toxic but its even more obvious how bad that situation was now I'm in a functioning situation.

IncognitoAF · 26/05/2022 19:34

I got an email from my arse covering boss giving me two completely opposite instructions, designed so she could tell the CEO later that she'd told me to do whichever of the things he demanded.

It was like my brain broke, the lightbulb went spark out, I couldn't function. Couldn't make the smallest decisions, cried in three meetings in a row, walked out.

mdh2020 · 26/05/2022 19:38

I couldn’t sleep and started shaking and crying when I started to get ready for work.

AdamRyan · 26/05/2022 19:47

I got an email that I just couldn't respond to
"It was like my brain broke, the lightbulb went spark out, I couldn't function" is a good description
I'd been where you are now for several weeks beforehand

Spudina · 26/05/2022 19:48

I’ve had a couple of stress leaves in my working career. I think at the point you lose your decision making ability it’s time to go off. Actually before that. I will tell you one of mine. I walked to a busy ward as a nurse. I was told there was no help coming so there would only be two nurses to 18 patients. One of them was critically ill and should have been on ITU. The nurse on the morning shift tried to hand over to me but I couldn’t remember a word she said and I had a panic attack and cried in the toilet. I went to Occy Health straight away and they phoned the ward manager and said I wouldn’t be back. If they hadn’t sone I’ve would have died for sure as I wasn’t fit to be there.
if you are panicky, crippled with indecision and struggling to make even a basic decision, you are ill. I really hope you get the help you need OP. Burnout is such a horrible feeling. Xx

Spudina · 26/05/2022 19:49

Someone would have died...ffs

thecatsthecats · 26/05/2022 20:02

A few days before I went off, which was just before I was due a holiday, one of the other directors basically went 100% against the strategy we'd agreed in the board meeting. The strategy I'd been killing myself to deliver. And the CEO - he'd been doing the same thing.

It was like my body was begging me to stop. My chest hurt. My appetite went. I couldn't sleep. I put on weight, contradictorily. I had palpitations. It was only when I started spontaneously crying several times a day that I knew my body was DEMANDING that I stop.

And once I stopped, I never went back. And I got a settlement in compensation.

(The turning point for not going back was the CEO texting me directly when I was driving back from a meeting with a friend. I was doing so well from my break, and my driving the rest of the way was frankly not the best. The agreement was that my husband would be first point of contact if needed. It was simply the nail-in-the-coffin proof that I didn't matter.)

isthenewsuff · 26/05/2022 20:07

I was signed off for a couple of months at a point where I was considering hurting myself. I didn't want to die but I wanted to be injured enough to be incapacitated for a while.

I was googling injuries like broken legs and what types of breaks would heal ok but you'd be in bed for a while. Or head injuries that would leave you unconscious for a few days but wouldn't kill or disable you.

I'm sorry you're struggling op. Loads of us understand. The human body and brain isn't built to deal with so much. Life is so hard these days.

Sounds like bullshit, but one of the best things I did was force myself to walk 2 miles a day. I often had to have music or podcasts blaring to block out the thoughts, but the fresh air and daylight helped.

anxiousstillll · 26/05/2022 20:09

For me it started with months of waking up with a constant state of dread. I'd find myself constantly thinking (trigger warning) that I wished I was dead.

The week leading up to asking my GP to sign me off I was crying multiple times a day (I work from home) and I could barely concentrate, I would spend hours doing something that should have just taken 20 minutes. It was then that I realised I couldn't just push myself through this, no matter how hard I tried.

Original poster
Redsheetbedsheet · 26/05/2022 21:08

Thanks all. I've started fantasizing about the bus crashing on the way in just bad enough to break an arm or leg. I want a 'legitimate' reason to be off. Even when Ill there is pressure to wfh instead, had d&v at the start of the week (stress related I think) and worked through. Immense pressure not to take sick leave. Cried several times today, although it's not everyday but seems to be getting more frequent.

My home life is definitely suffering because of how I'm feeling. Just can't switch off from it

OP posts:
WingingIt09 · 26/05/2022 21:13

When I reached the point I was bursting into tears on a regular basis at work, I was finding making simple decisions that are the bread and butter of my job completely impossible and my manager actively asked me if I was ok and I just completely broke down. She suggested I call my Gp who promptly signed me off with stress for a month.

user1471538283 · 26/05/2022 21:44

It happened to me twice. The first time after being bullied for 10 months I had a weeks leave where I couldnt relax. I logged in to the most horrible email from my line manager and burst into tears. The next day I cried in the street. I was off for 7 months and it took me 4 of those to even be able to watch tv.

The second time I cried over lunch in a restaurant. I was off 7 weeks.

It sounds as if you are at breaking point. Its good you recognise it. Go to the gp now.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 26/05/2022 21:47

I was crying on the way to work, thinking about having a car accident to avoid work, getting highly stressed at home and short with my children.

I went off sick and everything was immediately better.
I left the job soon after and have been happy in my current job for 4 years with no stress.

whoruntheworldgirls · 26/05/2022 21:48

I was crying every night at the thought of work, felt constantly sick. The GP signed me off with anxiety and in used that time to look for new jobs

Bubbles1st · 26/05/2022 21:49

The only person who was helping me keep the office afloat under diabolical circumstances got sacked for no reason. I was in her probation review meeting so I Know exactly what they said to her and it was the most eye opening thing they could have done.

I'd been run into the ground for months, asking for help and if not help what could give, telling them my concerns about my menthol health and welfare. I got shot down and discredited time and time again.

I walked out that meeting with her devastated for her that she had lost her job but also devastated for me that I too would be without mine, I called in sick the next day and never went back.

Oldfilmsareshit · 26/05/2022 21:50

I spoke to someone about it and started crying. The next morning all the way to work I was still crying. Couldn’t stop. Took 2 weeks off and the perspective was amazing - sorted my situation out and came back and never looked back.

Oldfilmsareshit · 26/05/2022 21:53

Never give your health and life to work. Business doesn’t care about you. Protect yourself: you have one life

Original poster
Redsheetbedsheet · 26/05/2022 22:00

Oldfilmsareshit · 26/05/2022 21:53

Never give your health and life to work. Business doesn’t care about you. Protect yourself: you have one life

You're right, I keep telling myself this. It's public sector and I feel bad for my team, but equally I know if I left I'd be replaced in an instant. My family is more important.

Just keep going round in circles

OP posts:
BenCoopersSupportWren · 26/05/2022 22:07

I started crying when I was faced with a simple decision that felt too paralysing to make - and I don’t mean at work, I’m talking “do you want cereal or toast?” or “blue sweater or green sweater?” level, but it was work stress that had brought me to that point.

Look after yourself OP. The business would replace you but you can’t replace your health.

RunningFromInsanity · 26/05/2022 22:07

Ringing my doctor and getting signed off sick was the hardest and easiest thing I’ve done. Picking up the phone and saying that I was just done with existing broke me.
But within minutes I was signed off, and suddenly had all this time to just sit and breathe and not even care about work anymore.

blackheartsgirl · 26/05/2022 22:10

I developed an extra heartbeat and my blood pressure went sky high and I felt really Ill. I was also having anxiety attacks, felt on edge, was moody and crying a lot

I was signed off for 3 months, I’m now under cardio and on beta blockers and anti depressants.

the 3 months that lead up to me having a breakdown was awful, work piled so much pressure on me, I was effectively doing 4 peoples jobs as we were short staffed and it’s a physical manufacturing job too plus I was coping with grief and a big life change

I’m back at work now, but I’ve slowed right down, I’m not going back to that dark place again.

hope you’re ok Op. stress is a horrible thing,
it affects the
mind and body in so many different ways and if you need the time off you need the time off

dalmatianmad · 26/05/2022 22:22

I'm so sorry you're struggling.

My breaking point happened when I was in charge on a busy shift.
I was short staffed, 4 Nurses had called in sick. I was sent a bank HCA who had never worked in ED before. I was told by the night nurse coordinator I should be grateful for the HCA.
We had a stabbing in Resus, he went into cardiac arrest and I didn't have a Nurse to look after him (I was dealing with a nasty trauma in the bay next door). I had to ask the paramedics to sort the stabbing. He died. Likely would have been the same outcome if there was a Nurse. The Paramedics were more skilled etc. I blame myself. I shouldn't have been so short staffed. The poor HCA looked terrified. I wanted to hug her.

I've been off work ever since. Nearly 4 months, I attempted to hang myself. The guilt i feel for that poor lad and his family.
Going back next week. Don't wanna work there any more. I've done nearly 30 years service in ED. Held the hands of many as they passed away from covid (in the early days when they were very poorly).
I feel like a shit person and have failed that family.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2022 22:25

I have never been off work due to stress. I don't get very stressed except in an adrenaline running positive way. Since I have been Head of my service nobody has gone off sick with work related stress (they have been off with other sorts of stress - sick partner, aged parent, etc) and I'm pleased about that because before then there were all sorts of problems.

Nobody has bullied me at work and when they have tried I have given an icy stare and asked for an explanation. It has never happened again. Early on at this company there was a toxic office manager - very guilty of upward bullying. I just packed up my desk late morning, sent the head of department an email detailing the incident and said I'd be back when I received an apology. He was on the phone by 3.30pm.

I'd really like to understand why people stay in jobs that reduce them to tears and make them ill. I've had one or two jobs I didn't like, or rather found the environments toxic and I got another job and left. Probably easier in London than elsewhere.

I'm really sorry so many have been made so unhappy by work.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/05/2022 22:30

@dalmatianmad why on earth are you blaming yourself if the outcome would have been the same if there had been a nurse instead of the paramedics? You have said yourself the paramedics were more skilled than a nurse would have been.

If you don't want to go back, don't go back.