I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

Woman: 'This man's behaviour made me feel uncomfortable so I followed the gym's policy and reported it AIBU?'
Some posters on here: 'You're ridiculous! You should simply adjust your comfort levels and be more comfortable! Men shouldn't have to follow the gym's guidelines!'

Erm no, this is problematic.

He should adjust his social awareness and behaviour, and actually follow the gym's guideline around not bothering people when they are exercising.

He should also learn how and why a man getting into a woman's intimate space in the gym, whilst she is exercising, might make her uncomfortable.

Definitely comes with age..I was a fighter in my younger years, then I went a bit quiet about stuff like this, telling myself I had more important stuff to worry fight about, I remember when it came back though, when I was perimenopausal and buying sanitary towels. A man (not a random one) advised me of a better sanitary towel.
That's when old me came back.

I agree. I was using a leg press once (totally wrong) and didn't know I shouldn't completely straighten my legs with heavy weights as they could bend the wrong way (novice at the time) and a bloke came and told me. I was very appreciative and saved injuring myself.

No need to email the gym about a random man talking to me.

If it was a woman I wonder if OP would've reported it. Prob not.

These people who really hate men so much must really hate life. And no idea why someone calling someone 'random man' when talking to them feels empowering. Weird.

OP page 1. man lent on back of my equipment and said I try 120kg

OP page 7: man grabbed bar and said “I’ve been watching you…”

😂

No, of course not, but sometimes they are behaving inappropriately and don't even realise it due to a lack of self awareness.

Don't you think it's important that they realise the impact of what they are doing and that their behaviour might be making people uncomfortable?

The only way someone who is repeating this behaviour will actually learn that it's a problem and making people uncomfortable is if they are told, i.e. if several people report it to the gym, the gym notice a pattern and have a word with him about not bothering people who are exercising.

I can't imagine anyone actually appreciating someone coming up to them whilst they are exercising, leaning on the machine and telling them they should be lifting more weight than they are. Can you?

No one is suggesting he’s a sex pest. But it’s part of innate male confidence and entitlement to feel able to impart their “wisdom” to women.

The gum is also an environment where women do feel vulnerable. I was on a bike at mine last week when a man came and started doing vigorous stretching a couple of feet in front of me. I felt really uncomfortable and just left. Men need to be aware of how their behaviour, even innocent, affects women.

The guy leant on the machine as she was exercising and told her she wasn't lifting enough weight.

She wasn't using the machine incorrectly.

He had just decided she needed to work harder, and he should come over and get in her space to tell her that.

It's not the same as your scenario at all.

Honestly, I’m usually a NAMALT, live and let live type poster on threads about ‘men’.
But this isn’t one of those. This is a thread about a woman who was approached by a man who randomly offered incorrect advice about something. The language and non- verbal communication made her feel uncomfortable as it was unwanted and unwelcome (and also by the sounds of things, part of a bigger issue at the gym), and yet so many people are coming on here to tell her she was wrong. He didn’t initiate a social chat, he told her what she should be doing.

How bloody odd that people think this is OK a) for the bloke to behave like this in the first place and b) for people to minimise it by saying it’s just someone being sociable.

Seems to be working exactly as intended then

Well done Miss Marple, you can read.
My op was about the use of the Random Man phrase , not about the actual wording he used. I clarified when specifically asked.

The man and women could have been on their own in this gym if late Sunday night.
Isn't that the point of the rule? Don't make others uncomfortable in a situation where they are potentially alone with you.

Similar to how most men would generally know to avoid walking closely behind a woman at night -not as they have any sinister intention but just to avoid making them uncomfortable.

The random man phrase...

Quite. It happens around free weights lot. And that’s why I wear my big headphones when I’m training, but men have been known to signal to me to remove them.

My tactic is to do everything in my power to return the discomfort they inflict. The easiest way is to frown and ask them why they think whatever ‘genius man wisdom’ they’ve imparted to me. The sort of man that interrupts a woman like that is the sort of man who doesn’t anticipate being questioned. It’s simple but effective.

My gym also has a policy about interrupting other members’ workouts and tells you to speak to staff ‘if you’re concerned about someone’s use of equipment’. All the female staff are quite open about why that policy is in place.

Another scenario

Random man does was @ssd did and ASKS if woman needs any help, BEFORE spouting his much needed and wonderful personal opinion to a simpering and grateful little woman.

Woah....waht a kerazzy thought!

Ugh the amount of men and cool girls on this thread giving the benefit of the doubt to a random man and his feelings over the op’s experience is disgusting.

what
x 2

Wonder if the laughing woman who overheard was a MNetter? 😆

I did apologise to the OP just 2 comments further on from the one you quoted me on, but thanks for the womansplaining @CloseYourEyesAndSee 😉

It wasn't a case of me not understanding, but a case of 'I hadn't seen OP's later note about the gym's emailing policy'.

I wonder did she exist?

Yeah, cos women are placed on Earth to gve men opportunities to ' be nice'.

No! It is not 'hating men' as someone said, it wanting to be left alone, not to have every Tom, Dick or Harry (cos it's never Thelma, Louise or Catwoman) feel free to interrupt, intrude on a woman when she is doing something that is usually a lone experience, just going about her business. It is never ALL men just SOME men, the ones who don't think women are autnomous individuals who can say "Fuck off" and mean it!

Having worked in gyms it is NEVER women who do this. Women approach each other through eye contact, that slight nod/eyebrow raise, and a quick chat. Men approach, often from behind, and just start talking.

@Pollydonia good for you, great response, and ignore the twonks suggesting emailing the gym was an over reaction. In unmanned gyms this kind of deniable intrusion is what makes using them so very uncomfortable for many women. It's great that your gym is taking it seriously - more ought to!

I've had a member continue to follow me round the gym without saying anything, just staring and he got a speaking to for it. I don't regret it, it's uncomfortable.
People shouldn't be giving unsolicited advice in the gym to others, unless you know someone's medical background and they ask you for help/advice.
If someone is at risk of injuring themselves by performing movements incorrectly, then a member of staff should be alerted and they can step in.
Random individuals comments are rarely wanted.

Oh and to add I don't hate men, not at all. But telling someone to add more weight is absolutely stupid.

I thought single sex gyms had vanished!

I partly stopped going because of this kind of thing.

This. He should have minded his own fucking business.

Spectacular missing of the point. She didn't ask for advice, she didn't need any advice.

It's a man thinking he knows best, disturbing a woman going about her own business. What's nice about that?