I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

It’s totally different if someone asks if you need help. This has happened to me at the gym when a man asked me that, and it was great.

Out of interest op
what nationality was he?

Well done OP. I wouldn’t want a random man in my space either. Love the line. Will use in the future.

To be honest, this kind of reaction is exactly why women feel intimidated to report when men are bothering them.

OP obviously felt uncomfortable - he leaned on the machine she was using and told her she should increase the weight she was working with.

It's not save behaviour in a gym to go up to a random person and tell them what to do, be it male or female. As OP has pointed out, a lot of people have specific plans made for them.

But aside from that, I wonder if he would have done this to another man?

OP you did the right thing.

*save = safe

So , all you know about me is that I'm a woman, aged 49 , with mobility issues, because that's all the information I've imparted.
All you know about Random Man is that he is, in fact, a man.
From this you have deduced that he was imparting " advice" and I should somehow be grateful .
I have been living with this condition for 12 years, in physio and using gyms for 8. I use the gym to maintain my current level of mobility. My hips have significant changes in structure.
But because a man told me what HE thinks I should do , unasked and unwanted, in the middle of my sets, in my personal space I should do what ? Give a tinkly laugh and count myself lucky to be spoken to by a man?

I'll need to keep an ear out for women using the expression "random man"

And avoid them like the plague

If a woman had tried to give advice to a man and he said 'Thanks random woman', he would still have been blamed. Bonkers.

i was given unsolicited “advice” from a busy body at my gym a fortnight ago.

a woman

Would it have bothered you so much op if female? And would you have started a thread?

I read the first page of this and cba with the stupid comments.
All gyms should have this policy, I think it's a great idea.
I too am becoming weary of this shite. There is a massive difference between someone wanting to genuinely help and being an interfering awesome who wants to big themselves up by this sort of behaviour.

Not awesome Arsehole 🤪

@Roselilly36 The reason emailing the gym was a good idea is because a) They have specifically asked people to email them about this kind of thing, and b) This might be a pattern of behaviour, that he approaches women in the gym and gives them 'advice', making them feel uncomfortable.

It might not be, but there's no harm in telling them so they can keep an eye out if there are other reports!

Sadly this sort of behaviour is not always about 'imparting wisdom', many men try to get female attention in gyms when women just want to exercise and be left alone. There is literally no reason to go up to someone who is exercising safely and tell them to add more weight to the machine. Leaning on the machine is also intimidating and an invasion of personal space. If you can't understand this then I think you are suffering from some serious societal conditoning.

Yes there are people who like to politely give advice - they could have stood at a distance and said 'do you need some help?' before actually coming over and invading her space.

The guy does sound like a pest to me and I wouldn't be surprised if he does this a lot.

No, in 50 years this op has never had advice from random women....

And anyway, if she had the last thing she'd have done is start a mn thread about it, she wanted a good old laugh at a man at her gym and a pile on from the other posters who think 'random man' is a hilarious put down.

His actual words were " I've been watching you, now do a set of 20 at 120kg." Whilst trying to grab the change bar as I'm in the middle of a press.
As I have explained before the gym has a respect policy , basically dont approach people actually using equipment unless advice is asked, which is a result of them losing members due to people ( not all women) feeling uncomfortable.

One man left after being called Lars arse/ being laughed at/ being body shamed at the free weights . He had lost nearly 5 stone and just wanted to be left alone.

Random Man is much less likely to escalate the situation than Fuck Off and leave me alone which is what I actually wanted to say.

So you asked him if he required advice instead of just telling him what nappies he should be getting?

Did she come over and lean on your machine and get all up in your space?

Did she imply you should be working harder/ lifting more weight than you are comfortbale/ have been medically advised to?

And actually, maybe it IS alright for a woman to do this and not a man. There is a difference here.

Men should be aware of how they may make a lone woman feel by going over and offering unsolicited opinions on what she is doing with her body.

They'll only develop that awareness if awareness is raised.

I'm amazed at the number of women who can't understand why this is a problem and are judging the OP.

You could have said "Thanks, but I know what I'm doing".

He left without fuss when you said "Thanks, Random Man", after all... 🤷🏻‍♀️ He wasn't intimidating you.
Oh, and you could not have reported a perfectly normal exchange to the management, as a "heads-up" that people were having the temerity to talk to each other.

That would have been the normal response.

Well done OP.

He had no business interfering in your session and offering you his unasked, unwanted advice.

This is more common than you realise.

There is a reason the gym asks for feedback.

This is often an issue for younger women too and is a reason single sex gyms are popular.

Would it have bothered you so much op if female? And would you have started a thread?

That's the thing, women don't tend to do it and, on the rare occasions they might, they do it differently.

Man - dominates the space by leaning on the equipment amd just tells you - display of male entitlement.

Woman - excuse me, I noticed you doing X, I was always told Y. Might not he relevant but thought I'd share.

Same as...

Man - smile, love

Woman - is everything OK..? Yes, I'm fine thanks. Are you sure? Yes, but thank you for asking

(I've experienced both of the above).

And men generally don't go around offering otheren this sort of unsolicited advice because they know how another man would react - Fuck off, mate. They expect women to be appreciative and grateful.

English

His actual words were " I've been watching you, now do a set of 20 at 120kg." Whilst trying to grab the change bar as I'm in the middle of a press.

so why didn’t you say this in your OP
Or even in your response upthread to what he said when you said “he said I should try 120kg”?

Oh and he’s gone from leaning on the back of your equipment to “trying to grab the change bar”

come on op. The story is changing

One man left after being called Lars arse/ being laughed at/ being body shamed at the free weights . He had lost nearly 5 stone and just wanted to be left alone.
That is in no way comparable to your encounter, op. Honestly! You are not a victim here.

I have a gym like this near me. Open 24 hours but unmanned and uses a key card entry. There is a 24 hour phone line for emergencies etc but also signs telling you to call the police if you feel unsafe and other signs clearly stating that approaching other gym users or touching equipment others are using is not acceptable and will result in your membership being revoked. All the signs say to please email the gym and inform them of anyone unwanted approaching you.

They have to be really on it because it is unmanned and they dont want to lose their female clients or become known for being unsafe/a hot had of men harassing women.