I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

I think women standing up to it are strong women too.

Getting offended by something doesn’t mean you’re weak, getting offended but making a stand (however you feel is necessary) is being strong too.

There are a lot of decent men out there.

What no decent man does - ever - is makes unsolicited approaches to a lone female. They just don't do it. When they do approach us, if they receive a polite rebuff they often turn nasty, which is all the evidence we need that their intentions were nefarious in the first place.

Why the FUCK do women owe these random men our courtesy and politeness? They are not showing it to us when they accost us - always uninvited, I might add.

London is awful for it. They make a beeline. One man once asked me to tie his shoelaces for him. I stared incredulously and told him to ask a man. I've had a man (claiming to be ex-services, as if that makes a difference) approach me in a railway station at night, trying to scam me out of money for a taxi to the hospital for his 12-week pregnant wife. The wife, unsurprisingly, was nowhere to be seen. Then there was the one on the tube, who attempted to engage me in conversation whilst I was reading my book, trying to ask me my name and where I was going. 'Why? You're a stranger? Why could you possibly want that information?'

Yadder yadder. Response: 'I don't want to make conversation, thank you'.

Aggression. 'Leave me alone or I will call the transport police'.

More aggression. Not one person sharing my train tried to help. Cue me jumping off the train at the last minute just before the doors closed.

It isn't good enough. Nowadays, if I'm approached by a man in London - on average it happens at least once per visit - my go-to response is to tell them to go and ask a man before walking away as quickly as possible.

They can't really argue with that. If they do, they're showing up ill-intent and I wouldn't hesitate to report, or 'ask for Angela'.

This is the kind of risk management women have to do every day of our fucking lives. Engaging with it just encourages them, and I'm so pleased this OP didn't do this. The handmaidens who kowtow to this sort of shit, not least assume the right to 'tell off' other women for refusing to do likewise, boil my piss. But not as much as the aggressive, predatory men.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks
Your post is so well written. The constant play off in your mind can be exhausting: is he genuine , is he a busy body or something altogether worse. If I smile and say thanks, will that be seen as encouragement, if I ask to be left alone, is he going to get angry . If something does go wrong and I smiled and engaged in conversation, will that be twisted into consent or that I lead him on. Nine times out of ten you are not even aware of these judgements you are making, you just know you feel uncomfortable and instead of standing your ground, you run of the train, you leave the gym or the park. Next time you think, maybe I'll go somewhere else or maybe l'll wait until I can meet up with a friend or maybe I'll get a taxi rather than the train or worst if all, maybe I'll just stay home. Your world becomes smaller just because some random guy decided that his behaviour was perfectly acceptable and you should be grateful for the attention.

Thank you for reporting this knob OP. I bet he’s not just doing this at the gym.

I’m out and about training a new pup at the moment. I’m experienced, enjoying my new pal, don’t need or want help. The sheer number of men who offer (shit) ‘advice’ is unbelievable! I’ve been bawled at from across the street, followed around the streets, stopped by being stepped in front of. And once when I politely declined help, a man grabbed my pups collar and proceeded to make me stand there and listen anyway!

This has never, ever once happened to DH when out with pup.

Women know all too well how men being ‘helpful and friendly’ can escalate into nasty when they’re rejected unfortunately.

This is the kind of risk management women have to do every day of our fucking lives. Engaging with it just encourages them, and I'm so pleased this OP didn't do this. The handmaidens who kowtow to this sort of shit, not least assume the right to 'tell off' other women for refusing to do likewise, boil my piss. But not as much as the aggressive, predatory men.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks Not sure who you are including as 'handmaidens who knowtow..' and 'asume the right to tell off other women'.

We are all full of contradictions here, aren't we? It is ok for you to call other women who don't agree with a particular course of action as 'handmaidens' who 'boil your piss off'.

There are feminists approaches that would totally disagree with using this kind of male response to male behaviour. You may disagree. As I disagree with making sarcastic remarks of 'random man' and then reporting to manger of the gym for this particular incident (not about all incidents we all know as women exist) just becaue the gym tells you that you can. Using wahtever power is given to you just becasue it is given to you is very gendered in my view.

I find this kind of response as 'engaging' with male behaviour by copying it. Not sure what kind of insinuations you make about 'handmaidens' encouraging whatever behaviour.

I a profoundly convinced (and of course I can be wrong; there are no examples in history to help me demonstrate this either way, despite the feminist proposals put forward) that male violence in all its forms is the worst that exist in society. From militarisation and all its consequences, to the many exploited women behind any 'great man', all I see is that we should thrive to avoid behaving like men. I do not want to be 'empowered' if power means what is there now. It saddens me that other women who can see the problem perfectly well, are unable to sympathise with different approaches to it without calling them names.

You seem to have a beautiful command of English as someone else has also highlighted. I do not think you need the shortcuts others with poorer registers may use. It is fully intended and it is very contradictory with your own statement.s

Absolutely agree @MarieIVanArkleStinks and others. The lengths some posters will go to in order to excuse this kind of insidious male behaviour under the guise of ‘difference of opinions’ is mind boggling. Complicit in their own subjugation.

I find this kind of response as 'engaging' with male behaviour by copying it.

I don't think 'thanks, random man' is remotely 'male behavior'. It's not rude, it's just something which neatly clarifies that the man is a stranger without being either aggressive or defensive.

So you asked if he needed help and helped when he said yes.

You think this is the same as going up to someone in the gym and giving unasked for "advice" that was inappropriate and dangerous.

Men going up to "advise" women is a problem in gyms, it loses them members, gyms want to discourage it.

But if the guy has gone up to the op and said “do you need any help?”

she still would have gone to management
and no doubt felt patronised / pissed off / violated (delete as appropriate) and started a thread on it

I find this kind of response as 'engaging' with male behaviour by copying it.

She hardly told him to fuck off, did she?

She said 'thanks random man'.

You said before that it was an 'aggressive' comment, which is ridiculous. Surely you don't stand by that? What on earth is 'aggressive' about it?!

You’re getting yourself tied up in knots. If the OP had been standing looking at the gym equipment for ages and a man who was in the same vicinity said in passing (from a distance) ‘do you want a hand?’ then I doubt that anyone would have called him a sex pest.

The OP wasn’t doing that - she was using the equipment quite happily and he decided to plonk himself on the equipment, butt in unnecessarily to give her information that could have been dangerous that she did not ask for or need, and breached gym policy.

If you’re still not able to understand the difference I suggest you go to a supermarket, go up to someone perusing the shelves and stand right beside them, put your hand on the shelf they’re looking at, and start giving them your random thoughts about the product.

Wrong again, I would have said no thank you.
And fucking hell, are you actually the starting thread police ? If you have that much of a problem with me starting a thread report me to MNHQ .

Bloody hell
you are on a knife edge op

Head to the gym and burn off some energy! 😂

I've already been today thanks.
Answer me honestly @Intrigueddotcom why are you so obsessed with the fact that I emailed ( as per gym policy) and started a thread ? Is this not a place for women to have discussion? Or only if they agree with you ?
I'm certainly not on a knife edge, I am happily going about my day while you are over invested in a thread someone else started.

You are taking this discussion personally for a reason, right?

It’s pretty obvious…

@WibblyWobblyJane agreed.

Unsolicited Advice Guy (UAG)

While UAG is the least toxic of the invasive man species, he is among the most common. He likes to peek at your heart rate monitor and offer helpful suggestions as to how you might improve your performance, or offer lengthy critiques about your form with free weights. When confronted with UAG, it’s best to keep a bottle of the antimicrobial spray that gyms keep handy for cleaning machines. Repeatedly squirt the solution at UAG’s face while asking, “Am I doing this correctly? How about now?”

Whereas you sound really chilled...

Only one worked up around here is you

Intrigued seems to have spent the last few days popping up all over MN to antagonise perfectly reasonable OPs. Such fun

Non-dickhead men do not approach women and ask if they want unsolicited advice. The only men who do this are those who believe themselves to be superior to women. This simply isn't how you behave around people you consider yourself equal to.

I actually think men should behave more like women and not viceversa when it comes to be polite and avoid phyical and verbal violence of any kind

You realise women are nicer because we learned early that to be mean, swear, yell just makes us bigger targets right?
The physical presence of most men and their barely contained aggression in so many situations means we are often appeasing them so as to hopefully not get hurt.
Best of luck to you getting men to be nicer.

That's why I used the Random Man comment, it's fairly bland . What I was thinking was more along the lines of " Fuck off and leave me alone you tedious prick "

Maybe ge has been barred from his local gym.