I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

I think there’s a lot of men on this thread..,though it could be ignorant conditioned women too.

Only certain types and the random man apologists would say you’re imagining it,

Male aggression and intimidation are felt on a small scale or bigger scale regularly for most women and young girls.

Yep!
I am 5'3, look younger than I am, and very curvy, so I get unwanted man attention anyway; but having a big dog, or certain breed of dog, or type of car, or anything perceived as "manly" seems to be a red rag to a bull for (I'm sure a very small) percentage of men. The type that are on their way to their local at 12pm...

Ffs. Read the OP posts. He told her to use more weight. A very large amount of weight. Without knowing anything about her. He was Not correcting posture, form, machine setup etc.

He was not "helpful" in any shape or form. Why can't you stop yourself from people pleasingly roll over for a man you don't even know? Such an apologist.

Interesting thread.

As a man, I have to say the most baffling thing is that in 20 years of regular gym visits, I've never been told not to give unsolicited advice to women.

Clearly it's an issue but none of the gyms I've been a member of have ever sent round an email, put up notices or verbally advised us to leave women alone. This to me is an even bigger problem than annoying men. Gyms should have your backs and clearly they don't. At least not the ones I've been to.

The baffling thing to most women is why (some, obviously) men need telling. Whether at a gym or anywhere else.

Before I met my husband a friend of his told him not to even look at women in the gym. “We aren’t there to talk to you; we are there to work out.”

While there may be some women who enjoy attention at the gym, I thought that was pretty solid advice. It also seemed like common sense to me.

Isnt it a shame that you think that men have to be told this...

@Lunar27 - if you've never been told, then it's likely that either you are not one of the problem men, or your gyms do not have the policy in place that the OP's does, so there has been no facility to report (as requested, for other hard-of-reading posters) and therefore nothing is done.

If you think all gyms are likely to put out a proactive email to all the male members (or even ALL members) to remind the men that they should not address women without invitation, then you seem to forget how some men are likely to respond to such instruction.

Those who fall into Random Man category (reminding me strongly of Harry Enfield's "you din't wanna do it like that!" man) are not likely to pay attention to such an email, as their thoughts are clearly not "unwarranted or unwanted", but Very Important and Need To Be Imparted.

But they may then become Offended and refuse to go to that gym any more because they are being treated as some kind of rapist or something - which will lose the gym membership and money.

Better to have a sign up on the wall reminding people not to harass others with unwanted interventions, and address individuals when it does happen, from the gym's perspective.

I can’t believe (actually, I can) the apologist threads still popping up!

Thanks for the link to the original RCM thread. Have finished reading it and it’s made all the more interesting by some bloke derailing the thread with his random musings!

It’s also worth scrolling through for the 4 or 5 video clips attached - each of them are blooming great.

I look back at my younger self and want to pull her to one side for a pep talk. So-called conditioning re “be nice” doesn’t do you any favours. There is nothing wrong with asserting your boundaries - and it’s bloody depressing that doing so gets you labelled a with some of the comments thrown about on here.

I’m going to be VERY generous and say that, on average, it’s maybe been three comments per week since I started my teenage years. I’m being REALLY generous with that number. Multiply that by my age and it’s bloody irritating. And my personal circumstances mean that my number is way less than a lot of people.

It’s not a case of “ignore, smile and carry on with your day”. Over a lifetime it’s bloody annoying and exhausting. No way I’d want a daughter to be experiencing it at any point in the future.

*If you think all gyms are likely to put out a proactive email to all the male members (or even ALL members) to remind the men that they should not address women without invitation, then you seem to forget how some men are likely to respond to such instruction.^

Exactly.

I mean, look at how badly some people have responded to this thread - women included.

Asking men to keep themselves to themselves appears to be an absolutely outrageous suggestion to some.

I think at @Lunar27 is saying gyms SHOULD be putting out emails as this obviously is a problem for women(which I assume he was not aware of before). But he's not come across it before. Correct me if I'm wrong. I've been to about 15 different gyms and never had this either, but I think it's a great idea.

I've quit gyms, swimming, golf, tennis, and some other sports precisely because of this.
Apparently women are driven out of sports at a young age, cant imagine why. All that mansplaining cant possibly be the reason, can it?

We should not need to appease men because they cannot keep their thoughts to themselves.

And now I'm at the age I give no fucks, I still wont go to the gym, swimming etc unless its women only and we cant even have that any more, it's all woke "gender"

@camaleon

Where are these 'targeted' gyms you attend?

Agree, totally normal. I’m not aware it’s ever been seen as sexist, potentially a sex pest, etc.

Walking up to someone in the gym and invading their personal space to give unasked for advice is totally unacceptable. It's not done from a nice place, it's done to make the man feel superior, hit on the woman, make her feel uncomfortable so she moves from the area she is working out in etc.

Yes definitely. It goes without saying that men shouldn't be approaching women in gyms. I manage to leave women alone as it's surprisingly easy!

However, as we all know, some men just can't help themselves. In this case, men need reminding, either via email, verbally or signs on the wall.

I currently go to Pure Gym and they have messages over the speakers. I don't see why they can't add one reminding men not to give unsolicited advice.

However, as we all know, some men just can't help themselves

funny how they seem to be able to stop themselves approaching other men and telling them to use more weights, isn’t it?

I've been in gyms for about 20 years. Mostly David Lloyd but latterly Pure Gym. Both have feedback facilities and send regular emails/notices and signs on wall for everything else.

Personally I couldn't care less if these men were banned or took their business elsewhere. Gyms should value the wellbeing of the many, instead of enabling the actions of a few.

Sure, these men might ignore an email but similarly with a sign, all you're asking is for people not to give unsolicited advice. It doesn't necessarily have to be gender specific but then you are painting over that it seems to be a male specific behaviour.

But I agree. If there was a sign saying, "Please do not give unsolicited advice to others, however well meaning. Thank you" you could just point to it if some dick head started pontificating.

@Lunar27 If there was a sign saying, "Please do not give unsolicited advice to others, however well meaning. Thank you" you could just point to it if some dick head started pontificating.
I agree- but I wonder how many gyms simply don’t accept that this is a problem that warrants even a sign? Look at all the pp on this thread defending the random man!

Look at all the pp on this thread defending the random man!

but what is wrong with that?

is it really so surprising that people are offended by different things?

what is annoying to one is nothing to another
what is helpful to one is patronising to another
what is sweet to one is gross to another
what is funny to one is offensive to another

it is why we have different friends, partners etc

so of course some are going to defend him, as they honestly see it as an issue. The op does and others would too.

It’s got nothing to do with being ‘offended’ - the OP has already said that it’s gym policy that members should not bother other members. What he did comes under that heading.

Im sure if the OP wanted advice from a Random Man she’d have picked one at random and asked for help.

If you wouldn't lean over and take a good look in someone's shopping trolley at Tesco, then comment, "You're a bit low on protein there, and those drinks are very high in sugar", don't do it at the gym. You don't know the context, you aren't responsible for other people's health, nobody asked you, and it's none of your fucking business.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

But surely if enough women (and some men) complain, any gym worth their salt will do something about it. It's not difficult.

I won't approach anyone but have stepped in to help a bloke who had messed up his bench press and couldn't get the bar off his chest. But otherwise I leave well alone.

I'm going to speak to the staff at my gym today and see what their reaction is. Will be interesting to see if they've been asked about this before and if they'd do anything about it.

Exactly this. Beak out.

Perfectly put! I wouldn't have been offended by this man's behaviour. I wouldn't have giggled, or fawned, neither am I a victim of internalised misogyny. Argue with this stance all you like. You will not take away my right to identify as a strong confident woman who has the capacity to find something mildly annoying and move on.