I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

brilliant

@Roselilly36 OP update says this is the Gym Policy. They want to know about issues like this.

that's my puzzlement too.

I have never said the OP should stay silent or accept any advice.

I wonder why so many feel the need to misrepresent what I say? I am not going to repeat it since you are obviously only interested in a particular narrative.

I can't imagine anyone actually appreciating someone coming up to them whilst they are exercising, leaning on the machine and telling them they should be lifting more weight than they are. Can you?

No, I can't imagine anyone appreciating that. But I can't imagine anyone caring that much, either. I am approached by random men all the time. They are quite often proffering some completely unsolicited advice/information. I smile and nod and ignore them. If they are offering to help me with something that I'm not much enjoying, I tend to smile and say yes, thank you. It quite suits me for men to look at me and think I'm small and fragile as it gets me out of doing quite a lot of stuff I don't like doing.

I've never set foot inside a gym, though, so have no opinion about what goes on in them.

When will the apologists realise that most women don't want or need any "help" or "advice" from Men who just want to feel superior? Honestly, the internalised misogyny that means we should say "thanks" to these Bellends is pathetic.

@camaleon the situations you are describing are totally different to the one in the OP. I have made loads of friends through gyms, men and women. Advice can also be delivered in helpful way in some occasions, like you described with your son. But can't you see that is very different? Also, you might find that if you are an experienced runner/ gym goer who is 'in' the gym (ie clearly a regular) you might not be approached in the same way. I also think in very targeted gyms (e.g. boxing gyms, weight lifting, CrossFit etc) you might have more of a culture of advice giving. But the context and the way it is delivered is totally different.

@AuntMargo
I think you are missing the point. The OP wasn't struggling with her routine, it doesn't seem that she was seeking to elicit advice from the other gym goers or doing something dangerous so why did he feel he needed to be helpful in anyway? He made a value judgment that she was doing something wong and made the decision to go and correct her. Again why did he make this decision and why did he not keep his thoughts to himself. Time and time again men feel the need to police womens behaviour, to tell women what they are doing is wrong and we are supposed to be grateful for their intervention. Its not man hating or rude or over reacting to ask them to leave you alone rather than having to go into explaining to a total stranger why you are doing what you are doing.

@camaleon t is totally normal in a gym context to receive and give advice if you see somoene doing something wrong.

Nope. Not in any gym I've been to in the last 10 years and certainly not now. Members are told to inform staff if they think someone has an issue, and never to approach them directly. For exactly these reasons - unwanted, unsolicited advice from randoms in the gym making people feel uncomfortable and harassed.

Nobody should be watching anyone else working out in the first place - get on with your own workout and leave them alone!

Well done Op - I must remember to use this phrase in future!

The irony of "...just ignore it and get on with your day" being preceded by "You always find people like this, that love to impart their wisdom"

FGS SOME women are “still crap”

I can see this. And yes, the gyms I tend to go are what you have called 'targeted'; not many (or zero) classes on the side, mostly regular and very focused training. There is not much talking in general, but advice is normal (between men & women)

I have still never disputed it was unreasonable to tell the guy to fuck off (again, I would be polite because I don't see the need not to). I have disputed the way this was reported. Judging by how @Pollydonia has reacted to a different view to hers (patronising me, questioning if I was OK and advising me to hide the thread) I can see how this escalated rapidly.

@camaleon

i love my gym

you gym however sounds like hell on earth

I suppose though that the equipment must be very available and no crowds. Just a few like minded souls wandering around giving each other advice 😂

My point was that when men do something bad there are still people who feel the need to make a point that there are women out there who are just as bad.

Basically it goes like this:

Person A: This man just did xyz
Person B: But women do it tooooooo/one woman in 1976 did this tooooo

You did it in a different way but it was still the same message:

Me: Women are (something positive)
You: SOME women
Ok…. 😐

There is a policy to not approach anyone as they are actually doing sets or using equipment as it is actually dangerous to distract someone.

This. When I'm pushing an effing heavy sled, or trying to lift a PB, I DO NOT want a conversation! It is totally inappropriate.

I have had other gym members count the plats I'm pushing (sled PB is 320 kilos) and cheer me on! But a conversation or a correction on my form? ODFOD

Judging by how @Pollydonia has reacted to a different view to hers (patronising me, questioning if I was OK and advising me to hide the thread) I can see how this escalated rapidly.
@camaleon your reaction to, well, my reaction is a bit extreme , hence me wondering if you would be better hiding the thread.
The fact that you find what I said patronizing but refuse to consider that I might find what random man said patronizing is quite mind boggling.

People stop going, not because they're terrified or being bullied but lets face it, its hard enough to push yourself to get to the gym in the first place.

And we know it's not 'people' but girls and women who get forced out, eased out, bullied out.

There was some wonderful work done by Mumsnetters on the ways that girls are squeezed out of public play areas as children. About how boys dominated public play spaces, and it took brave girls to keep their spaces. I see this in skateparks, or just normal parks, all the time. I'm sure we all do. But it's so "normalised" that it becomes invisible.

And it just goes on to affect adult women, as we see in this thread ... It's part of the general assumption that public space is basically for men, and women have to keep on being polite to men in order to have some space to inhabit.

Why did you have to be rude, why not just say thanks

She wasn't rude, she said thanks, and addressed him quite appropriately under the circumstances.
Of course, it may be confusing to someone egocentric that from the other person's POV they're just a 'random', but it doesn't sound as though the bloke was upset by the response.

And again

women are rude, crap and miss the mark. Not “back in 1976”

today, yesterday, tomorrow

the discussion is utterly ridiculous if people start countering an annoying man’s comment to the OP with the notion that women are somehow different, better.

when it comes to sexual abuse, hell yes women have a much “better” track history!

qhen it comes to being annoying and offering unwanted advice - well not, women aren’t better or worse. Annoying behaviour is behaviour that afflicts some humans

You asked him if he needed help? He said yes and so you helped him?

Do you not see the difference?

Op would still have started a thread @WibblyWobblyJane

Probably would have begun with him asking if she needed help

and then on page 7 turns out he said “I’ve been watching you. You need help” and he grabs the bar off her.

Just like this one

I am waiting for the next update on story where he thrust his groin in the OP’s face as he reaches for the bar

@camaleon I found your posts aggressive, patronising and sarcastic toward the OP, out of the gate. You used charged language like “nasty” and “frightened”. Odd for you to accuse her of this or to be surprised by whatever response you received.

I didn’t find that posters posts at all like that

plain odd? Yes . For example,

I disagree with the tone used

how can you disagree on the tone when that depends upon the tone being… heard!