I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

Well if it had been another woman presumably as a woman too her feelings on the response from OP would also have been belittled, ridiculed, called ott and everything else that has been said of the OP.
But it would still have been unwanted, intrusive and potentially harmful whatever the sex of the person foisting their advice.
The experiences recounted here, and in the lives of many women indicate that men do this far more than women, to women, maybe because most women see and respect other women as equals and a lot of men see women as less able/capable/whatever than men.

But surely asking whether you’d feel differently if the person in a particular scenario, whether this one or whether someone walking behind you on a dark night etc dependent on gender IS relevant and sometimes a good gauge for whether the issue is a gender one or just a “human being” one!

It’s why debate is difficult on mumsnet
because some posters try to shut down valid questions that may not sit well with then but are undoubtedly relevant, to the extent it is very odd that the relevancy can’t be seen my them

Never is, is it?

It is not okay for a woman to approach strangers in public and demand they change the way they are doing things, either.

It’s more of a male phenomenon but a woman doing that will often be met with the same type of response.

I honestly think women are more socially aware and aware of boundaries.

They also see other women as equals and not inferior people who need constant help and advice. I imagine a lot of women have been on the receiving end of random man unsolicited advice too so wouldn’t do this to another woman.

I honestly think women are more socially aware and aware of boundaries.

SOME women

And if you are in doubt, some of the threads on AIBU will confirm to you that correct!

The fact as to whether there was danger or otherwise is immaterial. Women have the right to go about the banal mundanities of their daily business, without constantly being accosted by male strangers for no good reason. And it IS constant. I, too, have experienced the impromptu male swimsplainers - must be a common phenomenon - and responded sarcastically that I'd earned my bronze swimming certificate, and the gym instructors had severe competition if random club members were so willing to offer their 'expertise' (air-scare-quotes inserted for emphasis) completely for free

I mentioned the danger because other posters were making up arguments the OP did not.

I expressly stated that, if the OP did not welcome the advice, she could have perfectly well told this guy to stay away without reporting it to anyone. Many people who choose as sport weights in a gym are introverts and may not feel comfortable with anyone talking to them.

However, if you decide to go to a gym it is likely someone else will talk to you about some gym related stuff. Giving 'advice' is pretty normal and anyone who has gone enough to a gym would know this.

You may not like it at all. Obviously the OP dealt with it herself. I would never be rude to someone at random (I actually think men should behave more like women and not viceversa when it comes to be polite and avoid phyical and verbal violence of any kind). And I still believe that, in this scenario, reporting to the gym is overreacting.

Since it seems necessary to clarify this to all women who are treating me like a bit 'slow' in understanding what is written and despite some suggestions here I am a woman. Believe me I know what unwanted/undesirable male attention and mansplaining involves.

It is totally normal in a gym context to receive and give advice if you see somoene doing something wrong.

Total nonsense.

@KatherineJaneway It is for sure totally normal in the gyms I have attended in the past 3 decades. Can we agree that, at least in 'some gyms' this is totally normal?

Also forgot to add the name of the @MarieIVanArkleStinks who I was quoting earlier

@camaleon Do you think that using an amount of weights appropriate to one’s health, physique and medical condition is “doing something wrong”??

The OP was not “doing something wrong”.

Thanks for putting me in my place, with evidence too no less!

I was referring to women in these particular situations but sure, thanks for reassuring people that women are still crap.

I actually think men should behave more like women and not viceversa when it comes to be polite and avoid phyical and verbal violence of any kind.

Good luck with that.

@camaleon It is not normal and if you're experiencing strangers coming up to you to thrust unsolicited advice on you, please be aware that you don't have to take it. If on the other hand, you are the thruster, please be aware that you are pissing people off by ordering them about and insisting that you know better than they do what's good for them.

A lot of us - a LOT - are telling you that this is not something we expect or welcome in a gym, please stop telling us that we're wrong.

The gym management has asked for unsolicited approaches to be reported to them; the OP did as they had asked. Next time, Random Man might do it to someone else who doesn't answer back, put more weight on and insist that the person lifts it, resulting in them injuring themselves - how does that fit in with your "look Random Man was just being helpful" narrative?

Where does it say they demanded anything, if I was at the gym and someone gave me a bit of advice I’d just say “ok, thanks” and pop my headphones back in and carry on not go squealing to the management

@LordEmsworth Ok.. thank you for your advice. It would have never occurred to me that I don't need to take the advice of others in the kind of scenario we are talking about here.

You may be A LOT of you telling me something. I am relying on my own expertise and experience, and sharing a different position. Perhaps it does not mean I am an idiot or a man.

I am not disagreeing or agreeing with the OP's perception of the advice being unwelcome to her, for whatever reason. I disagree with the tone used and reporting it further.

Just yesterday I was in the gym with my 15 years old son. He is almost 2 meters tall. I was doing my own thing but saw someone else advising him to change the height of the machine because it could harm himself the way it was setup.

These scenarios are very normal in my experience of gyms over a very long time. I do not think you can demand not been talked to in general in any social setting, especially if the conversation is related to the place.

You may feel uncomfortable and express it. If you feel intimidated in any way, you may report it. it is great to have a gym that encourages this. Nothing in the OP's intervention suggests this.

Agree, totally normal. I’m not aware it’s ever been seen as sexist, potentially a sex pest, etc.

It's not normal and if it's normal for you, it doesn't make it right. I'm properly wondering why you're so adamant that women should just let this slide and say nothing. Just because doesn't bother you doesnt make you right.

Head boggling man.

Obviously it happens, as a pp says it happened to her yesterday, but in 27 years I’ve been a regular at about 7 gyms in Banbury, Goole, Hull and Vilamoura and I’ve never had unsolicited advice from a woman who wasn’t a PT and employee.
Plenty of Random Men.
DH owned and managed 4 gyms in the 90s and problematic exclusively male behaviour was well recognised then. It was something they worked hard to counter to encourage and then retain more female members. The free weights areas in particular bring out the worst toxic male behaviour.

Strikingly, the unsolicited help I (gratefully) received on the tube wrangling a pushchair early that same decade overwhelmingly but not exclusively came from women. Note, help, not advice.

camaleon are you claiming it's normal for someone to walk up to you and tell you to lift a specific, heavier weight?

Sure we can agree that as long as we can also agree that some men are completely tedious bores who give unsolicited advice and as long as we agree that some women don't want to put up with it anymore

@MrsTerryPratchett post at 02.02 is utterly brilliant and bang on the money.