I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

Your continuing retorts suggest you find your opinion more worthy than is really warranted.

The fact as to whether there was danger or otherwise is immaterial. Women have the right to go about the banal mundanities of their daily business, without constantly being accosted by male strangers for no good reason. And it IS constant.

Absolutely this.

I had notice random unwanted advice trailling off for me like street harrisment.

But I've started having it again - but only when out with my teen DDs -with no DH or DS- especially oldest. I am frequently still the target of the radom unwanted advice - though I increasingly suspect perhaps not the required auidence.

On plus side I do get to model polite ( to minimise agressive come backs if possible) - fuck offs to my DDs.

I personally think the OP handle it well - the guy didn't get a reponse he wanted, he didn't get nasty like some do with more blunt replies and gym is aware he may be an issue.

On another note, I hate unmanned gyms. It's all right when there are lots of people there, but I would hate it if there was just me and one guy there.

Random man
Mansplainer
Be kind

Full house😂

you forgot "patriarchy"

Sure op
Not that you decided to embellish the situation when some posters weren’t patting you on the back!

Don't you just love it? I'm 60 and a random man in the petrol station tried to tell me how to pump up my tyres, I told him I just didn't understand it at all and sat there as he pumped up all my tyres for me lol.
Result.

I haven’t read the whole 14 pages, but the gym bro code states that you must only give unwanted random gym bro advice to other gym bros.

To clarify I was referring to the 14 pages of this thread, not the gym bro code, which is two pages long (second page is blank, for notes/finger painting).

@amusedbush
I had a random stranger approach me and tell me I was in for a tonne of trouble when my dog reached full size because I would never be able to control a full grown rottweiler. I pointed out that my spirited little resuce was two years old, he came to live with us when he was 10 weeks old, was part cavi, hence the colouring so I think we're going to be okay on the size front. His answer was that the shelter had given me the wrong information and grumbled about how some people just couldn't be helped. Either he was happy to criticise every woman he saw or firmly believe that a two year old was going to have a late growth spurt.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks you’re not swimming faster than them are you by any chance? 😄

"LOL at many posters on here suggesting that if you don't like being handed wrong, unsolicited advice from men you must really "hate life". Because that's the best part of life isn't it."

Ha! Very true.

Love the poster who thinks that because in their gyms everyone is constantly giving unsolicited advice to others while they are doing solo workouts, that must therefore be the norm in all gyms, which clearly isn't the case for many of the gyms described here.

I agree that dance classes aren't really very similar to doing solo workouts in a gym, but I'd also like to point out that unsolicited advice is also obnoxious in that context. Having a chat with another dancer=awesome. A piece of advice that you ask for from a more experienced dancer, or a discussion of dance steps and technique=awesome. A piece of advice from one of the instructors=awesome.

A piece of unsolicited advice (frequently incorrect anyway) from someone who is not an instructor, is merely a fellow participant=annoying and reduces my enjoyment in the activity, an activity in which I regularly enjoy chatting and interacting with men so, no, I am not afraid of talking to men 😂

I'm with the op. Men doing this is really annoying. And I've never had a random woman tell me I'm doing something wrong.

Yes and what is it with the apologists here - so he might have thought he was trying to be nice. But since he was being a pain in the area maybe it's better he's told and stops doing it (he probably won't but there's always a chance).

OP - you're great. Not a disproportionate response at all. It’s depressing that so many women on here are excusing his behaviour. Whilst some may welcome “approaches” you clearly didn’t and without some kind of signal that you wanted to start an exchange he should have left you alone.
In your situation I would definitely feel cautious about being in an un-staffed gym with someone who didn’t respect boundaries so well done for speaking up.

Well done OP. That’s a great policy to have in place for an unmanned gym.

Not surprised to see the usual apologist comments out in force. There was a thread a while ago where the OP was using a changing village at a pool. Supposed to use cubicles only for changing. Some guy was naked at his locker and turned around to make a comment to the OP. PLENTY of apologist responses for him on that thread, so am not surprised to see them on this one.

It's an interesting point. I go to pure gym which is also unmanned with a key code entry and they have similar policy (not sure why a PP said not even the fanciest gyms have this. This is not a fancy gym...) and we have a guy that does this to a lot of females.

I've watched him and had him talk to me. He's not offensive but I was offended as he thinks I broke a machine which has been out of order for months. I've never even been able to use it because it's always out of order. I'd laugh if you were in the UK midlands and it was the same guy.

I never thought to email. Not sure what I'd say but I think most women would be glad you did!

Well done OP👏👏👏

Exactly this! They just double down and insist they're right

Good for you OP - your response and your follow up email was spot on. Far too many men think this kind of behaviour is absolutely fine - it’s only by women standing up to them and the gyms pulling them up for it will the message penetrate their thick skulls.

Everybody surely knows this goes on?

The PT at my gym told me to refer any random men with opinions to him. He is aware this happens and said it’s never happened to him, unsurprisingly

I have literally avoided going to the gym at certain times due to the possibility certain men were there who would do this. It was a long time ago, I was young and almost felt like it was my fault for feeling uncomfortable/ being socially awkward. I stopped going to one gym because it was a PT/ owner who did this. Looking back it was highly inappropriate, but it's hard to understand why / what I mean by that if you haven't experienced it yourself. Also MOST men would never dream of doing this. And some may not be meaning to be intimidating or make you feel uncomfortable (often older men) But they do and they should be more socially aware. A woman can't easily call them out on it, but the gym management can.

‘and if it been another woman?

Would that have been ok?
Would you have emailed the gym?’

It wasn’t a woman it was a man.

It wasn’t a woman it was a man.
it wasn’t a woman it was a man.

Are all of these imaginary scenarios where it was a woman, making you pick me hand maidens feel better?

A man was challenged regarding his entitled, sexist, patronising behaviour.

Live with it?

Also it is in the gyms interest to stop this from happening. I'm a relatively fit and long time gym goer, but it makes you uncomfortable, embarrassed and even a relatively confident person can feel that you can't do it/ shouldn't bother going anymore. I am sure countless women have quit the gym for this exact reason. It makes you feel like everyone is watching you. Not a nice feeling at all!

‘and if it been another woman?

Would that have been ok?
Would you have emailed the gym?’

If it had been a woman - it's not totally beyond the bounds of possibility - then 'thanks, random woman' would have been a similarly appropriate response. And given the gym's stated policy, I'd have thought it quite likely the op would have sent the email.

But it wasn't.