I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

@DecayedStrumpet I would love to do bootcamp but I can't commit to it regularly as I'm a single parent and the day in the week my exH has DS changes. I try and get out for walks and do yoga with a bit of hiit combined.

I couldn't afford a gym membership now anyway but what you described is exactly true - I was just anxious that 'that man' would be there again watching me make a tit of myself (that's how I saw it in my mind, I was so self conscious). I didn't want to talk to anyone; I just wanted to have a bit of peace, do my workout and then leave.

I think I do though. I don’t think you understand the OP.

It’s normal for someone to ask if someone wants help/advice and if there’s no staff member around, normal to politely tell someone if they are doing something dangerous.

It is absolutely not normal to just go up to a random person and tell them to lift more weights. In what world is that normal? I really don’t care how many gyms you’ve been to and in what countries (not sure why that makes a difference) it’s definitely not normal.

If you applied your logic, it’d be perfectly acceptable for me to walk up to a random person in the supermarket and tell them to buy more vegetables/protein/only vegan food. It is no one’s business but OPs.

I am very well acquainted with gyms in many countries and I do not need your wisdom on this. No matter how much you know about it, it is not much more than me.

You see that too is quite a 'masculine' rebuttal, air of 'feminine' offence to a male ego! You can hardly blame anyone for wondering!

"I obviously have a totally different opinion to some of you here. the context of the gym matters a lot. The fact this was a very safe environment and nothing indicates in any way there was danger.
You are making it all as you go along. But I have realy nothing to add.
Only here you find people reporting someone else for talking to you in a public/social environment. And then the extra need to open a thread about 'the event'."

@camaleon He was not just "talking to her". He was telling her to lift more weight. That was effectively saying that he knew better than she did how much she should be lifting. That is arrogant, rude, and somewhat insulting.

If someone came up to you in a gym and told you to lift considerably more weight than you were lifting, would you say: "Thanks, that's really helpful" and start lifting the amount they'd said? Presumably not, because if you had wanted to lift that amount, you would have already been doing so.

The OP has said nothing to imply that she thought she was in danger. She did not think she was in danger, but found his behaviour annoying... with good reason.

There’s a huge difference between telling someone you have never met before how much weight they should be pressing/ lifting and correcting a flaw in their technique.

The former is busybody behaviour, potentially dangerous and there is no place for that in a gym. Well done OP. And we’ll done to your gym for this policy.

It is remarkable how some posters (including your latest to me @SamphirethePogoingStickerist) need to adopt the condescendent tone they seem to deplore in others.

Of course, I might have misunderstood plenty here. You too. When I said nothing implies danger, I am referring to the many posters who are just making it up about the great dangers of being interrupted during a workout, something the OP does not refer to.

I hate the arrongant male behaviour that talks down to women like you are doing here and there is a possiblity that 'random man' was one of them. There is nothing in the OP suggesting this.

The OP is bothered by any man talking to her in the gym it seems (but I may misunderstand this) because it is totally normal for this kind of interaction to happen.

I do not know how to express myself better either so I will leave it here.

A gym has a policy of members leaving other members alone to do their workouts, and if members do not adhere to the policy then the members who are not being left alone are asked to email the gym to let them know. Op does that and she's in the wrong?
I'd glad you said what you did @Pollydonia and I love that someone else laughed when you said it. I've not been to the gym for years, but remember when you are in the middle of reps you really don't want someone interrupting. I think your response was perfect, it didn't need any more said, he got you didn't want his advise, and who knows, maybe he will remember that when he feels the urge to tell someone else what they could be doing, be it male or female.

😁

Was there anything else you have misunderstood, misinterpreted, negated in this thread? Happy to help if you remain confused!
The sheer snark of that... @SamphirethePogoingStickerist
Someone holds a different opinion to yours. Get over it.

In 15 years around here, it is the first time i am suspected of being a man, due to my 'masculine' behaviour. The amount of making it up should (perhaps) be a red flag about how you are interperting everything else.

I know. The sheer cheek of it. Fancy a woman getting snarky!

Mea culpa😳

It is absolutely not normal to just go up to a random person and tell them to lift more weights. In what world is that normal? I really don’t care how many gyms you’ve been to and in what countries (not sure why that makes a difference) it’s definitely not normal

Agree completely with this.
I have maybe a dozen actual friends at our gym, and there's ONE out of those who i would ever suggest she lift heavier, because I know her and I know she underestimates herself, and has no underlying injuries.

Telling a complete stranger to lift heavier? Not a chance. Totally weird.

@TheNoteIsEternal
Where did you get that hat ?
😮

The fact as to whether there was danger or otherwise is immaterial. Women have the right to go about the banal mundanities of their daily business, without constantly being accosted by male strangers for no good reason. And it IS constant. I, too, have experienced the impromptu male swimsplainers - must be a common phenomenon - and responded sarcastically that I'd earned my bronze swimming certificate, and the gym instructors had severe competition if random club members were so willing to offer their 'expertise' (air-scare-quotes inserted for emphasis) completely for free.

They got the hint alright.

This is not okay. I was not feeling in any way threatened or endangered - still not okay. That's my precious workout time, amongst the only time I get each week to myself. I don't want it encroached upon by insecure male strangers intent on showing me how clever they are. I really, really, don't give one solitary flying fuck.

The OP's gym is unstaffed at certain hours. It has implemented a specific policy of not approaching fellow gym-members, and has a system in place for this to be reported in the event that the policy is flouted. This IS the context to which you refer. The 'safe', non-threatening context. Were this not an issue, and if members were not seeing fit to ignore the policy of not approaching or annoying fellow-members, the policy wouldn't have been implemented in the first place.

Leave women alone. Is that really too fucking much to ask?

@Johnnysgirl and yet it's ok for me to be described as a man hater, nervous woman, making myself a victim, a liar and crazy ?
Okay then......

Your use of exclamation points suggest you find yourself more hilarious than is really warranted.

As always on MN - people go out of their way to ensure that every man is given the benefit of the doubt and every woman NEVER is

Oh! I is a bad toad!!

Again, mea culpa !!!

Like I said...

Spot on @crochetmonkey74

LOL at many posters on here suggesting that if you don't like being handed wrong, unsolicited advice from men you must really "hate life". Because that's the best part of life isn't it.

Everyone suggesting the OP is lying and/or the advice must have been "helpful" because a man was doling it out - that's also classic Olde Style misogyny so Thank You Random Men and Women.

There was a great poster a while back who said
"Defend them all you want , they still hate you"

I think about that a lot- it puts it so well

I got told I wasn't lifting heavy enough by a random man
Funny that, I had spinal surgery 8 weeks ago so it's called rehab

Ugh, the apologists on this thread! I can't believe women are still being told to "be kind" and giggle and thank men who are interrupting them, getting in their personal space and giving them shitty advice. I have never once had unsolicited advice from a woman but there is a man who lives a few doors away whom I've (privately) nicknamed Mansplainer after he appeared at my fence to "suggest" I use a different tool while gardening. And just to clarify why "thanks, random man" is better at shutting down the conversation than a firm "I know what I'm doing", I acknowledged that I would usually use that tool and pointed out exactly why I'd chosen a different one in that instance, yet he just insisted he was right and I should "give it a go" anyway.

With regard to the OP, I don't care if the man was trying to be nice/just striking up a conversation/genuinely thought he was helping. If OP had wanted advice and guidance on her workout, she would have hired a PT.

NOT ONCE have I ever looked at someone else and decided they're doing something all wrong so I need to save the day. The gall of some people!

@KarenLovesRosario
Just on Amazon - search for customisable baseball hats.