I was the recipient of unwanted advice from a random man today.

[Pollydonia]

..and actually remembered to say " thanks Random Man !" He just looked confused but another woman near by burst out laughing.
It was in the gym, I was doing my own thing , he tried to tell me to do it " his" way .
Seriously though, I'm 49 so I'm less likely to be intimidated by shit like this. I've also emailed the gym as a heads up .

The comments on here defending the random man and criticising the OP's response are beyond belief.

The man had no right to tell someone what amount of weight they should lift. Even if they didn't have a medical issue, they would obviously have their reasons for lifting the amount they were lifting (e.g. not strong enough to lift more, or didn't want to lift more).

His comment put the OP in an awkward position. What was she supposed to do - explain her medical issue, which was absolutely none of his business?

The fact that the gym has lost members over this type of thing and specifically has a policy in place to address it shows that - unsurprisingly - people don't like being on the receiving end of that type of behaviour.

OP: Well done for your response and for emailing the gym.

Many years ago I was a member of a gym which was open Mon/Wed/Fri and Sunday afternoon for women, and Tue/Thu/Sat and Sunday morning for men. It was great, and never had any of this shit to deal with.

Wow, you’re so conditioned by the patriarchy that you actually posted ‘poor guy’.
🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

In my early 20's, I used to train in a real spitting sawdust style Gym. Some of my most valuable knowledge to date was from 'A random man'.

It was predictable that the MN Handmaiden Mafia would show up, as they show up on any thread relating to women standing up for themselves and their rights, to tell you off for not being kind

And show up they have - we're knee-deep in "Be kind/be nice/he was only being friendly/you shouldn't have boundaries/won't someone think of the menz/I've normalised this behaviour because I haven't got the gumption to deal with it" shite.

It's all rather depressing but hurrah for OP's gym who are clearly on top of the effects of unwanted "advice" and the need to deal with it, and hurrah for the women who do stand up against this nonsense.

Completely relate to this video, men asking when I'll be finished and standing over me, even laughing at the amount I'm lifting to try to intimidate me to get off the equipment. Didn't use to happen so much in other gyms in another city, so perhaps it's regional or just things have gotten worse and now men see the gym as an extension of Tinder. There's porn that's set in the gym as well, so for the hard of thinking they confuse reality and porn and can only see women using the gym as a sexual invitation.

Completely agree.

@ChuckBerrysBoots great video that spells it out for the hard of understanding 🙄

For those defending these random men, you should take a look at some bodybuilding forums and the way they speak about women on there, absolutely vile.

Weird how a woman having boundaries and asserting them with a sarcastic (but polite) response to an uninvited, unwanted and potentially harmful interaction with a man is more offensive to some people than the uninvited, unwanted and potentially harmful interaction instigated by a man.

The man's a poor victim and the woman is a man hater. Despite him being the one who overstepped and pushed himself into the woman's space. Man's ego must be protected at all costs.

🙄

Completely agree with all of this. I just can't believe the number of people suggesting OP was overreacting.

OP, you were absolutely right.

What culture would that be?

Thank you @Maverickess , it's really surprising in this day and age that so many other posters are upset that I held my boundaries and followed policy.

It happened once to me in a gym and I never went back.
But it would routinely happen on my commute and it pissed me off so much. I'd have earphones in, looking at my phone or book and still some dickhead would decide that his need to interrupt me was more important to be met than my clear need to be left the fuck alone.
They wouldn't do it if I was male. They don't do it any more now I'm clearly middle age. It didn't happen when I gained weight.
They only ever did it when I was a younger, attractive female, on my own.

I find suprising on this day and age that you cannot start a conversation with someone without behaving like a frigthened vulnerable woman without reporting a 'random man' talked to you.

It is totally normal in a gym context to receive and give advice if you see somoene doing something wrong. Even to give a hand to someone who is training to failure if you see them struggling with a barbell. There is a specific context here.

There is also the total normal possibiity of telling someone directly to stay away.

Women and men can share spaces. If you have religious reasons or whatever other to be afraid of men or women having any contact with you perhaps better to choose an only woman's session.

Many people go to the Gym, or to dancing classes, or running clubs, or reading clubs, to do workouts/etc. but also to socialise in a safe environment.

What a nasty overreaction to another person. And the need to report it on MN as some kind of super fun thing.

@Kool4katz
Whispers
Think that poster probably is the patriarchy.

Fucked if I know. I've travelled a lot and I've not yet encountered a culture where it's the norm for men to "helpfully educate" strangers.

However the existence of an entitled sub-set of men (with the emphasis on the word "sub") seems globally universal.

You did exactly the right thing, OP. Hopefully he thinks twice before offering 'advice' next time.

Nope! Gym use is notjhing like running clubs, dancing etc. It is a solitary pursuit, all of the others you mention are social gatherings.

And it isn't the 'vulnerability' of the woman - did OP say she was scared? No, she was pissed off.

And having worked in many gyms, it may be common amingst people who know each other, but with strangers it is usually ill received. Hell, it was even difficult to get some people to listen to me when it was actually my job!

You might want to re-read the OP and most repsonses again, because you are reading things into the thread that have not been stated!

Do you ? Okay doke then.

Go, OP! Snorted at your random man comeback.

I can't believe how many people think you were overreacting. I can only think that people filter out these kind of interactions as they don't want to think about what a problem this is.

I just asked DH how many times he'd been given unsolicited running advice while out running - 0. I can't even count how many times. So often I run with headphones in even though I don't listen to music, just so I can ignore the comments.

It is totally normal in a gym context to receive and give advice if you see somoene doing something wrong. Even to give a hand to someone who is training to failure if you see them struggling with a barbell. There is a specific context here

Indeed. The specific context being that the op was engaging in a workout specific to her needs and she was interrupted by a man who knew nothing about her ability, medical history or mobility giving unsolicited advice, which was potentially dangerous.

Im sick of the man hating on here. Of course theres loads of arsehole men out there but theres loads of arsehole women too.

Thing is, in my experience, arsehole women don’t tend to get threatening or violent if you don’t respond in the way they want you to.

Whereas areshole men in my experience shout, curse and threaten violence.

Oh give it a rest, camaleon. Who's behaved like a frightened, vulnerable woman? The OP was following the gym's own recommendations for reporting people who bother others while doing their workouts, that's the gym's own policy because it's been a problem before to the extent that gym members have left. Like I did, because I was constantly being stared at, pestered, intimidated, followed and given unsolicited advice like this. I go to the gym to workout in peace. Fine if people want to chat to me by the water cooler etc, not fine that I'm being intimidated, pestered and bothered. You may be stupid, but women aren't, they know the difference between harmless chit chat and arrogant, intimidating, entitled, pestering behaviour.

I find suprising on this day and age that you cannot start a conversation with someone without behaving like a frigthened vulnerable woman without reporting a 'random man' talked to you

Yeah, that’s what happened 🙄

I’m going to say it. There’s a lot of men on here hiding behind the anonymity a woman’s forum gives them. The ability to put forward their view under the guise of ‘assumed female’ Not to say some women won’t be of the same opinion but the comment ‘aren’t you a happy girl’ just equals ‘give us a smile!’ and ‘do I get a smile’ energy… something only a certain man would say. Ya know, because that’s what we are there for, to constantly smile and be happy little automatons.