anxiety is the worst it's ever been

[crosstunink]

Just that really. I know I need help. I really, really don't want to take medication due to horrific experiences on various anti anxiety meds and anti depressants when I was younger. I know I need CBT or something but when I spoke to my GP he said the waiting list was long and I should just take meds. I've always been an anxious person but at the moment it's completely out of control. It mainly centres around death and dying (either me dying or people I live). I'm too anxious to get in a car or fly - I'll only walk or take the train. I'm too anxious to go on holiday, partly because of the travel aspect but also because I worry my house will burn down while we're away. I'm too afraid to let grandparents have my DS overnight (he's 4 and he's stayed with them loads before, this is a recent worry and nothing to do with either set of grandparents because both are lovely) because I'm worried there'll be a fire, or some other disaster, they won't watch him properly, he'll choke etc. I'm afraid to stay in the house alone with DS while DH is away with work (happens once or twice a month) because I'm afraid I'll have an accident or die and DS won't know what to do. Every time DH takes DS out I'm convinced they'll get run over or attacked. I don't like to go to tourist attractions because I'm afraid of terrorism. Every time I have even a vague health worry I'm afraid it's cancer or another life threatening illness. I want another baby but I'm too afraid of dying in childbirth and leaving my DS without a mother. I don't sleep. Every night when I lie in bed I get tight chested and feel I can't breathe. GP gave me some diazepam which I was OK taking as it was a short term thing but it did absolutely nothing whatsoever.

I know all of the above is irrational. I know it but I can't make myself believe it and it stops me doing so many things. It's ruining my life and I don't understand why it's suddenly got so much worse.

Has anyone had CBT? Did it help? I had six sessions on the NHS years ago and I found it almost totally useless. Is it worth trying again? I've had years and years of various other types of therapy and counselling.

OP I could have written your exact message. I just want to offer sympathy.
I've had a small impact from walking which began with an episode I had where my body took over and sort of forced me to pace back and forth (it was acute anxiety, I even rang the GP on a Friday evening worrying about having a heart attack and I felt odd to be pacing as I'm usually quite sedate). So I make sure I walk. I would NEVER have thought it would help but I think it probably helps burn off some of the adrenaline.
I'm also about to have some hormonal tests too. I'm also having counselling.
I hope you feel better soon, I understand how utterly exhausting it is and the feeling of everything being consumed by it.

Great! Just keep going til u find the one.
Be open.honest.raw.
And don't run at the first sign they might confront you with some real hard shit.our instinct is to think u bastard your wrong we can't see eacother.that fight or flight protective thoughts.try and sit a while,and let their words settle.

I've had CBT and EMDR. I found EMDR was much quicker at getting to the root of what the problem was and although it was harder to go through, it worked much faster than CBT. I did both of those alongside medication.