What improved your quality of life, so much, you wish you did it sooner?

[piddocktrumperiness]

For me it's a few things:
-Learning what past trauma is and how it plays out in relationships
-Learn to say no to things and people and not feel bad about it
-Realising no one really notices or cares what I do or look like; felt liberated to not always wear lots of makeup, dress in a new outfit or have my roots done, or eat out alone, or do anything alone.
-Not watching much current tv and picking up a book instead
-Listening to James O' Brien on LBC ( I know he's not everyone's cup of tea- but I learned alot)
-Waking up v early to have some me time. This was hard as I was a night owl for many years.
-Declutter and only buy when I need something. To be honest this started as I had to downsize to an empty flat after my divorce and am on not much money but it has helped with not worrying about possessions and all the cleaning involved.
-Divorce my ex husband- biggest impact haha

What improved yours?

Great thread

Began letting go of people's opinions - they are not facts or truths, nor am I responsible for other people's opinions, beliefs and behaviour.

I'm a work in progress on this but it's been transformational.

• Backing myself: recognising my worth as an individual and in work. (I'm in a job that I broadly love but a toxic environment that has nearly broken me. I'm a manager & for years I kept working harder & harder to 'fix' things, and asking what I was doing wrong. Now (thanks to a great mentor and counselling, I realise I can't fix it, and it's not my fault. I'm making plans to leave & reminding myself I will get through this awful time & it's not my fault.

• I'd also say exercise but it's not a new thing - I've done it all my adult life. I prioritise it - but sometimes to my detriment. But it has kept me sane on my darkest days.

• Just doing something: cliched but true. I try to remind myself when I get 'stuck' that doing just one thing - in the house, for work, in life - will make a difference. If I can do this it lifts me from my despondency / panic

• Not 'needing' people - since my v abusive marriage, I've realised through counselling that many people, including friends & family, did not treat me well. Encouraged by my counsellor, I stepped back from always contacting them, being there for them, supporting them. It was so lonely doing this. But I got through that and realised that I don't 'need' people & that neediness that came across encouraged people to treat me badly.

Learning to drive at 40. Subsequently buying a car. I absolutely love driving and can’t blv I waited so long to take my test

my two dogs. They are amazing

Moving rurally. I still work in London twice a week but wish I’d moved out to the countryside sooner. Quality of life is now off the scale

hybrid working. The commute was bloody hard work and although I was prepared to do it to live rurally, I’m so glad I only have to do it twice a week now. I even quite enjoy the journey now

A big bed for DH, dogs and our soon to be born baby. Oh and separate duvets. A must!

Air con for the bedroom in high summer. I get so hot and even really powerful fans just push warm air around the room

building a summerhouse. It’s my office in the daytime and doubles as an extra bedroom if we have guests. It’s also a gym, chill out room and we can spill into it after particularly boozy bbqs.

Marrying DH !

Exercise, HRT, Botox and not to worry about things I cannot not control.

Getting a personal trainer and focusing on strength training. Hadn't quite realised how important this was as I now approach 40 and beyond. Hopefully a habit for life to help me as I grow older.

I gave up caffeine too and it greatly improved my aching ribs and hips. But reading your comment has also made me realise I haven’t suffered from plantar fasciitis since then either!

Believe it or not getting Sky Q and having the second TV in the kitchen, I don't have to go and sit down in the lounge to watch TV, I can get on with all sorts now while keeping one eye on the TV!

15 mins of meditation a day. I’ve noticed that it reduces my resting heart rate and gives me mental clarity.

Having a cleaner in once a week to do the bathrooms and floors. Life’s too short to try to fit this in on top of everything else!

Finding a personal training gym that I love - I’m not fit by any stretch, but I’m a lot better than I was!

Taking long (I’m talking 15 - 20 miles) walks alone. I love it! My life is full of people and noise, having several hours once or twice a month where it’s just me and the birds is amazing!

Having a box meal delivery - it takes the mental stress out of “what’s for dinner?” 3 nights of the week.

Stopping dieting after 20 years of misery and yo-yoing weight; there are worse things to be than fat and my mental and physical health are just not worth that trade-off anymore. I've never felt so mentally well and, as it is, I've actually lost 30lbs. Food has lost its power and I no longer care about it, which is mind-blowing considering I've spent years consumed by disordered eating, binge/restrict cycles and really unhealthy behaviours.

Accepting that I really don't want a stressful, high-paying job and money isn't the only measure of success.

Separate bedrooms for me and DH - we both sleep so much better and removing that source of arguments has made us happier together in general.

Brilliant thread!! I have done some of these and need to work on others.

Left a quite toxic relationship 6 months ago but to be honest still struggling to fully let go - the worst part is missing my kids as we do 50/50
Meditation is a game changer
Weekly therapy
Sea swimming
Getting up earlier
Drinking less (wish I could quit completely)
Taking up a hobby - drawing in my case
Volunteering to teach English to refugees

Need to exercise more as I'm v low on energy
Can I ask what antidepressants folks use? I tried citalopram but could not hack the side effects at all!

Went part time 3 days a week in 2014 great for many reasons
( although edging towards stopping all together now)

Not saying yes to everything. Its not necessary to have something planned all the time, sometimes its good to wake up and have a day to do as much or as little as you want.
Less is more, de clutter. Its easier to clean and everything is easier to find.

Replacing our old conservatory with a modern one, i.e. glass roof and top quality windows. It was unusable before, but now we can use it all year round as it doesn't get too cold/too hot anymore. I now sit in it every day with lovely garden views and watching the birds. Absolute bliss!

Satisfyer Pro vibrator.

Same as a lot of people:

1. quitting alcohol. I never had a problem with it or anything, just started drinking because it was the 'done thing' until I realized I didn't actually like it. Complete sobriety gives you an edge in everything, and my sleep is 100% better.
2. Yoga. Properly and regularly. My back is more improved than any painkillers made it. Exercise in general was never a problem for me because I'm a trained swimmer and I love to swim, but the actual focused exercise for my back and core has improved my quality of life. Can't say I enjoy it, its still quite boring to me and I can't really zone out with a podcast because I have to think about what I'm doing, but its worth it.
3. Negotiating flexible working. Finally got the point in my career when I can realistically do this.

1. After being burnt out for many years studying/working/kids/disabilities I have let go of needing to be more. I am from a working class background and I think I always needed to prove that I wasn't the stereotype due to all of the stigma I have faced.

1. Letting go of this has given me time for voluntary work, it gives you a different perspective.

1. Now I have time for a bit of gardening. I am really enjoying being out in nature more and just watching the birds sometimes.

1. Having the time to take on a bit more albeit low paid work that I am enjoying.

1. Taking up a hobby that I have wanted to do for many years.

1. Making peace with the fact that it is ok if my relationship ends with the father of my children. Actually this has helped our relationship in a way I think because I feel more empowered and less trapped.

1. Spending more time outdoors (the gardening helps).

1. I have always got up early but I love this part of the day it is so peaceful.

1. Seeing family more

10. Feeling more comfortable being myself around others.

First class train travel is not a few pounds more! It’s significantly more!

-Looking around me at older women drinking a bottle of wine plus a day, and realising I had to stop drinking or I would become like that. I stopped age 50. I should have stopped at 30, or never started at all.

-Wash dishes by hand instead of playing dishwasher tetris and having the dishwasher rumbling on for hours and everything coming out wet

-Lifting heavy weights in my kitchen. I have them on the floor in the corner. Every time I pass through I do 3 sets of ten.

-Cutting out the dead wood - friendships that have long become irrelevant and people who want to talk about our university days. I am interested in now.

I’m interested in the coffee and coke being linked to plantar fasciitis. How did you work that out? I get odd symptoms that I think are linked to having an over acidic system.

Oh, and:

• listening to audio books. (Get properly engrossed, and listen properly, instead of speed reading)

• walking. I on my ever liked intense hard exercise. Still do and do it daily. But lockdown taught me how important walking was for overall well-being & processing my thoughts.

Both of us giving up work to go on UC as carers for the dc.
years of stress over school runs hospital appts and childcare etc etc had taken its toll now we are both at home and it’s amazing

I handed my notice in
Less money more sanity

Gosh lots of food for thought here! We've moved abroad and the space and greenery we have here is just glorious. We just didn't have it in the Uk.
It's quieter and more peaceful we live just minutes from a lake which is just beautiful I'm looking forward to some more time during the summer to spend time there and do some more swimming

Getting rid of my ex

An electric under blanket and robot vacuum cleaner

Reading Marie Kondo's book. I looked at the unwanted Xmas presents and thought "How do I feel about these things?" They made me feel guilty, so why would I keep them? Off to the charity shop! I now sieve my things on a regular basis. I still have lots, but space brings me joy. DVDs and laptops have come around again today.

Giving up Diet Coke. It was expensive and I didn't realise I was actually addicted to the chemical response until I gave it up for Lent.