What improved your quality of life, so much, you wish you did it sooner?

[piddocktrumperiness]

For me it's a few things:
-Learning what past trauma is and how it plays out in relationships
-Learn to say no to things and people and not feel bad about it
-Realising no one really notices or cares what I do or look like; felt liberated to not always wear lots of makeup, dress in a new outfit or have my roots done, or eat out alone, or do anything alone.
-Not watching much current tv and picking up a book instead
-Listening to James O' Brien on LBC ( I know he's not everyone's cup of tea- but I learned alot)
-Waking up v early to have some me time. This was hard as I was a night owl for many years.
-Declutter and only buy when I need something. To be honest this started as I had to downsize to an empty flat after my divorce and am on not much money but it has helped with not worrying about possessions and all the cleaning involved.
-Divorce my ex husband- biggest impact haha

What improved yours?

Realising that I don’t need to wear make up to leave the house.

Making my garden a comfortable and usable space so that I enjoy the nice weather when it’s here.

Getting a good washing machine and a separate tumble dryer.

Exercising daily
Walking
Eating healthy
Sleeping and waking up at the same time
Building self confidence by not caring what people think
Learning to let go and not being in control of everything

Getting an ASD diagnosis in my 30s after both of my children were diagnosed. I had struggled with life so much and didn't know why. Now everything has fallen into place.

I'm learning to love myself for who I am now and being kind to myself for things I find difficult.

Not being a teacher any more.

Learning to drive, I didn't learn until I was in my 30s. It gave me such freedom, I could come and go as I pleased, not rely on others, and could finally choose to go to work as I could get myself there and back.

Getting divorced; dreadful at the time, it took me years to adjust but now the children are grown up and I live on my own, I just love it. Utterly fabulous, best thing I ever did. And a different sort of freedom, I can finally be my true self.

Having a hysterectomy; freedom from pain and monthly hell.

The next thing will be retirement, I have three more years to wait for my pension. I wish it were sooner, but it's the fastest I can make it happen. I will finally be free from the chains of work....!

As you can see, all my "best things" involve some sort of freedom, it has got better as I've got older.

Not having huge complicated days out. We stay local, don't have to drive for miles and I enjoy it more. The furtherest we go is around half an hour away. Way better for everyone

Saying no to things I don't want to do for people I don't even like

^

This. Huge impact

Walk every day
Duvet with different togs one each side (so DH and I both sleep well)
Going part-time (why didn't I do it before kids?)
getting a dishwasher

Selling up and leaving the Shires. Sold 90% of my belongings ,have never missed any of it. I now know that Jo Malone candles and all the other "must haves" don't matter in the slightest. Life is about who you surround yourself with not what you surround yourself with.

Getting a cleaner.
Getting HRT
Taking up yoga
Buying a static caravan near a beach

Finding the courage to work through years of childhood trauma and then allowing myself to address hidden associated issues. It really hurt but made a huge difference. I'd still like to learn how to cry but that may come yet.

Going self-employed with something that I actually want to do and only working for people I like/respect, plus working the hours I want.

Not being afraid to speak up for myself.

Getting up and going to bed when it suits me, which means very early for both of them.

Stopping and staring at lovely things.

Getting a dishwasher - removed so much time spent on daily drudgery.

Taking up knitting - I enjoy every part of it from the planning and research to the wearing. It's amazing to sit with lovely fabrics and create something tailored to fit me. I can even do it when I'm on the settee watching TV. Its so nice to feel that I'm achieving something in what would otherwise feel like wasted time when I'm too tired to do much. And it's portable so I can sit in the garden or do it while I'm waiting for an appointment.

Stopped wasting my time on relationships which weren't right - my husband is my genuine teammate. I feel completely content in my relationship now. No worrying, arguing, clashing, nagging etc. I never feel jealous or insecure, he does loads of the childcare, most of the cleaning and organising of our lives and I don't feel that I'm shouldering everything by myself. He's happy to work part time and take over the house and kids while I work full time, because that's best for us financially. That wouldn't have ever happened in my previous relationships. I can see that my previous relationships were so difficult and fraught.

Learning to say no to people. Most of my biggest regrets in life are because I just went along with stuff to please people or avoid awkwardness if I said no, some of them actually keep me awake at night.

Having my own opinions, again, much like the above, I always used to agree with people's opinions/choices to avoid feeling awkward.

Absolutely ridiculous. I'm glad I've snapped out of it!

Stop spending so much time upset about men and things not working out. The same for female friendships.

Understanding that whilst I am a decent person most people are not. So I treat them accordingly.

Having much less stuff.

Guarding my time more wisely.

Understanding that you do eventually come to the end or completion of things so try to worry less.

Understanding how I'm wired.

Working from home
Loosing weight
Getting fit
Discovering really good quality gin

@LostMyUserName
Thank you :)
It was mostly, yess. I've been to counselling for the last 6 years for a variety of things, but most recently because low self esteem after my divorce. I got quite an insight into why I get triggered by certain things and it is mostly my teenage self crying out. I picked up a few books about the subject and tbf found some nuggets of wisdom on threads on MN. Saying no was not easy but I figured if I lose someone because I wanted to be good to me, myself then they were not good friends in the first place.
The third was a fluke discovery really- I walked out with odd shoes accidentally and did not notice anyone noticing. So I started to do the things I would have felt people would judge me for- like going to the cinema alone, eating at a restaurant alone, not putting mascara or dying my roots when shopping- and came back home with the "huh, same as any other day"- Even if eyes pass yours, no one is really registering. Plus, and this sounds a bit cruel, once I realised that alot of people have not a clue about most things, I stopped attaching any importance to their opinion.

Moving our 2 ponies from a yard where they were looked after, to a do it yourself yard. I go twice a day, every day and I fucking love it. Im riding 4/5 times a week, am fitter, stronger and thinner and my riding is much improved. Plus I have made new friends, have a better relationship with the ponies and I just love the rhythm of the day.

I can relate to so much on here,
Early mornings where I sit in a still house for an hour before the rest of my family wakes
Gardening
Not putting the TV on
Having a cleaner - previously I could never relax thinking there were chores I 'should' be doing
The headspace app

However the way to ruin all my newfound peace is if at 10am I don't switch LBC off quick enough and have to listen to the nightmare that is James O'Brien

Stopping smoking, although I miss it every bloody day….

Getting chickens and a dog - I’m currently sitting in the garden listening to the chickens cluck away to each other whilst they potter about, the dog is snoozing by the back door, the birds are singing and it’s so relaxing. I wish the chickens didn’t wake up at 5.30am in the summer, but we’re getting one of those automatic doors soon 🤣

Getting a Kindle and an i-phone

Booking a hotel just an hour from home for a Friday night, coming back Saturday afternoon - really makes the weekend feel like something special and we aim to do it every couple of months at least

Caring less about work - I still work hard, but I refuse to let it consume me anymore

Making one night a week a jacket potatoes and salad meal so virtually no fuss; ditto another night a week being either egg and chips or freezer tea or something equally easy

Growing my hair colour out and letting my hair go grey so I don't have to dye it every four weeks.

A high paying, high stress career. I much prefer having less money and lots less stress. I have a much better work life balance and a job I enjoy, that when the day is over I can forget about it.

Retiring early from dentistry was in NHS
much less money but less stress less fatique, more time with DD ( she needs me more at 12 than at 8)
realising that " Contentment is a great gain" and looking after myself mentally physically and spiritually is best for me and my family

so related to that to deal with less money I stopped buying stuff I don't need to impress people I don't care about, if you judge me for the car I have, the style of clothes I wear, my hairstyle, make up or food choices you are not actually a friend and so your opinion doesn't matter,
buying stuff to try and make yourself happy doesn't work, deciding what you want and need and then looking for the best product and value does work
one nice new jumper for example that is the colour you want in the fabric you want that flatters you is better than 3 OK ish jumpers
I buy things I care about and want not what people think I ought to buy, People expect dentists and other professionals to do certain things shop in certain places, my car is 13 years old I rarely if ever wear make up my priorities are good food, hopefully travelling again in an economy style but not camping

not following trends just buying what I truly like whether in or out of trend then keeping it, this applies to clothes home decor garden etc etc

if you have less stuff you have less to clean less to manage and more space and time and money for the stuff you really care about

So many lovely ideas shared on here.

I've resonated with quite a few. I am a teacher and can't seem to think of a way out of it. I'd love to do something else.

Exercise seems to be quite common- I've struggled to find what suits me; I have RA.

For those that moved away from the UK- what about life there that has improved your quality of life?

Bought an electric car.

No more ice scraping on cold dark mornings and no more getting into a boiling car on hot days.

Makes my commute so much more pleasant and saves time.

• Not caring what people think so much
• getting our cats
• flexible working