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Original poster

To feel so fed up about the way my life has turned out

82 replies

Plantpot45 · 21/05/2022 18:34

My kids drive me round the twist. They argue constantly. To the point where I have to get involved because they get physical. So I’m constantly having to intervene. They are rude to me all the time and behave in such an entitled way all the time… for example my dd(7) tells me ‘shut up dummy’ in a serious and stern way because I tell her not to eat her pizza yet because it’s piping hot. This is common behaviour. It happens so frequently I can’t even summon the energy to be continuously responding with punishments.

They are always bored despite having so much stuff and doing family things all the time. I’m there with them but I’m not present anymore because I’m just so bored of it. It’s so predictable. Every outing even the park becomes a battle of wills. We have film night and they all argue over the film. I choose abs none of them watch it. DH equally as sick of it and is now starting to shout and be impatient which I hate as it’s not really him at all. He even wanted to leave recently because he’s so fed up with their behaviour.

I go round and round in circles cleaning up after them all.

As I type the third screaming argument between them has just broken out and they are shouting at each other.

I feel like life is just a constant routine of the same shit every single day. Routines need to be in place because I’ve got so much to remember so has to be done. It’s mind numbingly boring and depressing me tbh.

is this just life with kids? Preschoolers were much more fun because at the end of a hard day parenting they’d climb into bed for a big cuddle and declare their undying love for me. Now it just feels like a never ending cycle of everyone being bloody miserable. Now I’m miserable. We’re going on holiday abroad this year and I’m not looking forward to it because of the way they behave. I feel like this every day really because it’s all such an effort. Maybe I’m just burnt out.

is it just me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Plantpot45 · 21/05/2022 21:03

NerdyBird · 21/05/2022 20:57

One thing to consider is, although you might want to parent a particular way, that way may not suit your child. My DH struggles with our DD because she is totally different to his older DC (my DSC) and we just have to do things differently with her. The older ones were just very compliant so it was fairly easy most of the time.
My DD is 7 and sounds quite similar to yours in some ways, and I feel pretty exhausted too.

That’s true. I think perhaps DD and youngest DS need very firm boundaries to feel secure

OP posts:
madroid1 · 21/05/2022 21:04

I really disagree with the parenting 'styles'. What's wrong with being honest with your kids? You are the closest to them, why strive to be something you are not?

When your dd said everyone will hate me if I carry on like this but I can’t help it… when I feel angry I just do and say things I don’t mean’. I would be saying yes that's right, it's horrible to be around you when you're like that. Part of growing up into a big girl is to learn what to do when you feel really angry. And then ask her what she could do when she feels angry that doesn't involve you being her punch bag.

Then next time she is playing up remind her of what she said she would do and make her do it.

I also would cut out all treats, outings, gifts, trips etc. And I mean all of them for at least 4 weeks and longer - until you see that they could appreciate them. I did this with mine at that age and it took 6 months.

Get a baby sitter and start going out yourself. Focus on cheering yourself and your DH up.

TBH whatever you do couldn't be much worse than what you are doing now. She treats you with contempt and is obviously very unhappy.

Forget the books. Be yourself.

Mrpunchisagit · 21/05/2022 21:06

Do you know what caused the violence op, the sudden change in behaviour?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/05/2022 21:11

Get a baby sitter and start going out yourself. Focus on cheering yourself and your DH up.

I agree with this, if it's feasible.

Original poster
Plantpot45 · 21/05/2022 21:11

Mrpunchisagit · 21/05/2022 21:06

Do you know what caused the violence op, the sudden change in behaviour?

No idea. I think it was just a phase of behaviour. He didn’t do it at nursery just at home. They were surprised when I told them. I hear a lot that children are brilliant at school/nursery but hard at home

OP posts:
Seaside1972 · 21/05/2022 21:15

Hi OP. Haven’t had a chance to read all the posts but read yours. When you said ‘she’s an angel at school’ this is how neurodiverse children can present. From what you’re saying about your DDs behaviour I’m thinking ADHD in particular. Children with ADHD need very strong boundaries. Yet, the behaviour will still come out. I had very strong boundaries and my ADHD didn’t present until I had some upheaval in my life at 10 years old.

in your example about the food I would have sat down and asked for an apology and have a consequence for there not being one. I agree with the no punishing/withholding around food but I would make it clear there is one.

I also wouldn’t do a three day punishment of something. Make it immediate so it is felt but something that can be moved on from rather than having to be constantly revisited. Try and find a way have a time out, and calm down before adding in the punishments. In conflict the part of our brain that reasons goes offline. So I would not give a shit how many punishments you dished out when I was angry and in full destruction mode. And then the enormity of the consequences once you've come round is too much. You have to be able to put in boundaries and discipline your daughter but you also have to find ways to de-escalate the situations so they aren’t so destructive. She should be part of the decision making process about this.

Original poster
Plantpot45 · 21/05/2022 22:06

Seaside1972 · 21/05/2022 21:15

Hi OP. Haven’t had a chance to read all the posts but read yours. When you said ‘she’s an angel at school’ this is how neurodiverse children can present. From what you’re saying about your DDs behaviour I’m thinking ADHD in particular. Children with ADHD need very strong boundaries. Yet, the behaviour will still come out. I had very strong boundaries and my ADHD didn’t present until I had some upheaval in my life at 10 years old.

in your example about the food I would have sat down and asked for an apology and have a consequence for there not being one. I agree with the no punishing/withholding around food but I would make it clear there is one.

I also wouldn’t do a three day punishment of something. Make it immediate so it is felt but something that can be moved on from rather than having to be constantly revisited. Try and find a way have a time out, and calm down before adding in the punishments. In conflict the part of our brain that reasons goes offline. So I would not give a shit how many punishments you dished out when I was angry and in full destruction mode. And then the enormity of the consequences once you've come round is too much. You have to be able to put in boundaries and discipline your daughter but you also have to find ways to de-escalate the situations so they aren’t so destructive. She should be part of the decision making process about this.

Thankyou this is really useful and helpful. I also think you’re totally right about how during conflict she probably doesn’t care about the punishments but now it’s all over with she’s upset and the enormity of what she’s going to now lose (3 days of tablet time) will sink in.

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