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Original poster

Is it going to look weird that I’ve left it this long?

67 replies

Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 17:56

My best friend got pregnant a month before me. I found out I was pregnant when she was around two months. At first I felt awkward telling her as she had ivf and I supported her through it (she’s in a same sex relationship) and we have spoken in detail almost daily about how she’s feeling etc.

I don’t know why I didn’t just say when I found out…it wasn’t exactly planned by us although we’d talked about it. So I think friends and family may be surprised. But time has just gone on and I’ve not mentioned it to anyone apart from work!

DP is a very quiet sort of man and couldn’t care less what I do and he’s been happy to say nothing until I’m ready.

My friend finds out the gender soon so that will be the next thing. I’m very slim so it’s been easy to hide and I also have a tendency to dress up and dress down whenever I feel like it, so nobody I know would bat an eyelid if I wore a baggy top for instance, I’m not exactly fashionable/have a particular style so it’s easy to hide.

I think I also don’t want questions or excitement as I’m worrying a lot about the pregnancy and also where we will live as we are in the process of moving. I just don’t want the inevitable questions. But I have started to think that I’m practically half way through now and it’s a bit sad not to have shared it? I don’t know. I know my friend may well feel betrayed as we’ve literally talked of mostly baby stuff now for months.

OP posts:
LizBennet · 19/05/2022 17:58

I think it's a bit weird, yes 😬

Chikapu · 19/05/2022 17:59

You haven't told anyone in your family or your partners family that you're pregnant? Yeah, I would say that's a bit weird.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2022 17:59

Yes I think that’s a bit odd

Just tell her now and say you hadn’t before because you were anxious about the pregnancy progressing etc

OR lie and say you had no idea then sell your story to some trashy woman’s magazine!

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Families
Kitten2 · 19/05/2022 17:59

Well no reason to feel bad or guilty, we all handle things differently, but yes you should tell her now. It's not going to get easier and there will be a baby before long!

You can also say you feel worried about talking a lot about it or questions etc and basically just be honest.

Intrigueddotcom · 19/05/2022 18:00

Well yes op
your best friend will feel baffled and betrayed
she was pregnant when you fell pregnant
HOW she fell pregnant really would not have been on her mind
talk, be open, and please don’t ever bloody talk about her “IVF baby”

LoudingVoice · 19/05/2022 18:00

You’re way over thinking this!

Just tell her and anyone else you want to tell & if anyone asks why you’ve not mentioned it before say you wanted to make sure all was ok before announcing it.

Original poster
Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:01

Ok I wasn’t expecting people to suggest I was odd for not saying!

when would you tell? A month? Two?

OP posts:
LoudingVoice · 19/05/2022 18:01

How far gone are you?

LoudingVoice · 19/05/2022 18:02

Intrigueddotcom · 19/05/2022 18:00

Well yes op
your best friend will feel baffled and betrayed
she was pregnant when you fell pregnant
HOW she fell pregnant really would not have been on her mind
talk, be open, and please don’t ever bloody talk about her “IVF baby”

You’re being melodramatic, lots of people keep pregnancy’s quiet for as long as possible for all kinds of reasons.

HSKAT · 19/05/2022 18:03

Just tell them!
All you have to say if you've kept it quiet as you've been worried etc. That's it.

Chikapu · 19/05/2022 18:03

You said you're almost half way through your pregnancy, that seems a perfectly reasonable time to have told people.

PeterpiperpickedapeckofpickledPEPPAS · 19/05/2022 18:03

People sometimes wait til the 20week scan to tell friends and family, especially if they have been unlucky enough to experience the loss of a previous baby after the 12 week point.

kateandme · 19/05/2022 18:05

Explain straight away with no gambling that you haven't because of your own worry over your pregnancy.dont bring her situation into it.

ouch321 · 19/05/2022 18:08

Why all the drama?

And why the catty 'I'm really thin' remark...

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 19/05/2022 18:10

I'm surprised by the first few replies. Loads of people don't share the news for quite a while, it's not really odd. Many people want to wait for the 12 or 20 weeks scan to share news.

So now- just make light of it, dont be apologetic. Just say, Im pregnant and I didnt feel ready to share it until now because I wasnt sure about a lot of things, but now you're sharing the news and really excited to tell your friend.

If my close friend was having a baby around the same time as me I'd be overjoyed... such a lovely journey to go on with a friend.

Pluvia · 19/05/2022 18:12

I'm going to start by pointing out that your friend isn't going to find out the gender of her baby, she's going to find out the sex. It'll be male or female.

Then I'm going to say that I can understand your sensitivity. Supporting someone who's going through IVF can be very intense. I've seen threads here with women complaining that their best friend stole their thunder at their baby shower by announcing their pregnancy, so don't do that.

I'd tell your friend quietly now, no delay. No need to go into much detail about dates, just be positive about the fact that you'll be able to share the experience of motherhood. Tell her you're still getting used to the whole thing and would like a bit more time before announcing publicly.

Original poster
Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:12

ouch321 · 19/05/2022 18:08

Why all the drama?

And why the catty 'I'm really thin' remark...

@ouch321 I actually had an eating disorder as a teen. Being thin wasn’t some sort of boast, I was explaining why it wasn’t already obvious 😕

But thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:13

Pluvia · 19/05/2022 18:12

I'm going to start by pointing out that your friend isn't going to find out the gender of her baby, she's going to find out the sex. It'll be male or female.

Then I'm going to say that I can understand your sensitivity. Supporting someone who's going through IVF can be very intense. I've seen threads here with women complaining that their best friend stole their thunder at their baby shower by announcing their pregnancy, so don't do that.

I'd tell your friend quietly now, no delay. No need to go into much detail about dates, just be positive about the fact that you'll be able to share the experience of motherhood. Tell her you're still getting used to the whole thing and would like a bit more time before announcing publicly.

@Pluvia thanks. And yes sorry, sex not gender!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:15

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 19/05/2022 18:10

I'm surprised by the first few replies. Loads of people don't share the news for quite a while, it's not really odd. Many people want to wait for the 12 or 20 weeks scan to share news.

So now- just make light of it, dont be apologetic. Just say, Im pregnant and I didnt feel ready to share it until now because I wasnt sure about a lot of things, but now you're sharing the news and really excited to tell your friend.

If my close friend was having a baby around the same time as me I'd be overjoyed... such a lovely journey to go on with a friend.

@WhatsInAMolatovMocktail thanks. My best friend is lovely and would be so so supportive.

I think I feel terrible because we tell each other most things and given that pregnancy has been such a topic all this time, it feels like I’ve lied to her. If it hasn’t come up then I wouldn’t feel like this but she will probably feel a bit hurt that I’ve talked so much about her pregnancy and not mentioned this all this time.

OP posts:
Babyvenusplant · 19/05/2022 18:16

I'm assuming you're about 20 weeks along? If so, I don't think that's odd or late for telling people

I told most people at around 20 weeks when I started to look pregnant, it's no one else's business anyway

Original poster
Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:17

Sorry yes I’m 16 weeks

OP posts:
Roseteacups · 19/05/2022 18:33

Most people announce after the 12 -13 week scan so you are really haven't left it a huge amount of time. Tell her you wanted to make sure everything was ok with the scan. And then announce at 16 wks. Just tell her you had made that decision with your DH and you couldn't wait to tell her.

Lesperance · 19/05/2022 18:36

ouch321 · 19/05/2022 18:08

Why all the drama?

And why the catty 'I'm really thin' remark...

Wow. That's really mean. Besides which she said slim. Do you have a weight issue you to have read that really clear explanation as "catty"?

axolotlfloof · 19/05/2022 19:21

I think not telling people till 16 weeks is fine.
I expect she will be very excited.

LoudingVoice · 20/05/2022 06:02

Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:17

Sorry yes I’m 16 weeks

Absolutely loads of people wait until this point, just say you wanted to be doubly sure all was ok before announcing it.

I honestly don’t understand the comments saying it’s odd, it’s not at all and your pregnancy is yours to announce irrelevant of anyone else’s.

You don’t need to explain any more than, I wasn’t ready to tell people until this point.