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Original poster

Is it going to look weird that I’ve left it this long?

67 replies

Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 17:56

My best friend got pregnant a month before me. I found out I was pregnant when she was around two months. At first I felt awkward telling her as she had ivf and I supported her through it (she’s in a same sex relationship) and we have spoken in detail almost daily about how she’s feeling etc.

I don’t know why I didn’t just say when I found out…it wasn’t exactly planned by us although we’d talked about it. So I think friends and family may be surprised. But time has just gone on and I’ve not mentioned it to anyone apart from work!

DP is a very quiet sort of man and couldn’t care less what I do and he’s been happy to say nothing until I’m ready.

My friend finds out the gender soon so that will be the next thing. I’m very slim so it’s been easy to hide and I also have a tendency to dress up and dress down whenever I feel like it, so nobody I know would bat an eyelid if I wore a baggy top for instance, I’m not exactly fashionable/have a particular style so it’s easy to hide.

I think I also don’t want questions or excitement as I’m worrying a lot about the pregnancy and also where we will live as we are in the process of moving. I just don’t want the inevitable questions. But I have started to think that I’m practically half way through now and it’s a bit sad not to have shared it? I don’t know. I know my friend may well feel betrayed as we’ve literally talked of mostly baby stuff now for months.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 20/05/2022 06:07

ouch321 · 19/05/2022 18:08

Why all the drama?

And why the catty 'I'm really thin' remark...

There is nothing catty about the OP saying that she is slim.

Jealous are you? I was slim when carrying DD. I didn't start to look pregnant until 20 weeks.

HandScreen · 20/05/2022 06:20

Pluvia · 19/05/2022 18:12

I'm going to start by pointing out that your friend isn't going to find out the gender of her baby, she's going to find out the sex. It'll be male or female.

Then I'm going to say that I can understand your sensitivity. Supporting someone who's going through IVF can be very intense. I've seen threads here with women complaining that their best friend stole their thunder at their baby shower by announcing their pregnancy, so don't do that.

I'd tell your friend quietly now, no delay. No need to go into much detail about dates, just be positive about the fact that you'll be able to share the experience of motherhood. Tell her you're still getting used to the whole thing and would like a bit more time before announcing publicly.

FFS, give it a rest with the sex/gender thing.

Circumferences · 20/05/2022 06:26

Just say you didn't know.

You thought you had something wrong with you so went to to drs and the said u were pregnant.

It does happen. Happened to a close friend's SIL. We were all v happy for her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Circumferences · 20/05/2022 06:27

FFS, give it a rest with the sex/gender thing
**
Why?
No baby is born with an internal sense of gender but everyone is born with a sex.

Snowflakes1122 · 20/05/2022 06:46

I really don’t think it’s a huge issue. Many people keep their pregnancy news under wraps as long as they can (me included) for many reasons (additional testing, previous MMC, wanting to wait until out of first trimester, infertility battles etc).

Just tell her you are pregnant and that you waited for your gender scan to announce it.

Congratulations.

failing40s · 20/05/2022 06:58

Tell her today , I bet she'll be delighted for you and pleased to have her best mate pregnant at the same time as she is! Just say "I've got some news!" You can explain afterwards that you've been worried about stealing her thunder and have felt anxious about the pregnancy - no need to make up other excuses. 🙂

Beautiful3 · 20/05/2022 06:59

I didn't tell family or friends until I was 12 weeks pregnant. I think it's sensible. If your friend asks why you didn't say anything, just explain that you didn't want to get too excited. As anything could happen before the 12 week scan.

insomnia101 · 20/05/2022 07:06

Because of previous miscarriages etc and being so anxious about being pregnant. I had IVF.
I didn't tell people until I was 21 weeks, after the anomaly scan. And to be honest, I was reluctant to then as I was so worried. Some people wait even longer before telling people.

It's fine you haven't told her yet. But I imagine you'll have to at some point.

LetHimHaveIt · 20/05/2022 07:12

I don't think it's all that odd, and it's certainly not a 'betrayal' - you're sixteen weeks, not 40 + 2.

I don't get the 'I'm very slim' bit, though. It very much tends to be fat people who conceal pregnancies better than thin ones. There's quite a story about Hattie Jacques' 'Carry On' cast mates not realising then she was about seven or eight months gone :( Doubt Babs Windsor could've pulled that one off.

Knittingchamp · 20/05/2022 07:13

Chikapu · 19/05/2022 17:59

You haven't told anyone in your family or your partners family that you're pregnant? Yeah, I would say that's a bit weird.

Oh lay off everyone, OP do what you like! It's your pregnancy and if you're worried about it and you're taking your time then fine.

If you're really worried about telling others after time has passed just say you had anxiety about it and wanted to feel safe in your pregnancy and that it had progressed enough for you to feel confident in sharing. Or you could even say you only found out recently because as you're slim it didn't really show. Whatever, its your body, your life, your pregnancy, your decision, your choice.

If you worry about telling your friend, don't be, she will have to adjust and she will if she's a good friend - or maybe she will be instantly happy. Who knows. You've been a damn good friend to her!

LoudingVoice · 20/05/2022 07:14

Circumferences · 20/05/2022 06:26

Just say you didn't know.

You thought you had something wrong with you so went to to drs and the said u were pregnant.

It does happen. Happened to a close friend's SIL. We were all v happy for her.

Why lie? That’s just pointless, it’s perfectly normal not to announce until 16 weeks, lying is completely unnecessary.

Clymene · 20/05/2022 07:16

I think 16 weeks is fine. I'd tell her you didn't want to piss on her chips which is probably true

SquishyGloopyBum · 20/05/2022 07:16

I think she'd be really hurt, it's odd you haven't shared this and you are on here asking whether to share in another month or so?

You need to tell her- it will come out eventually. But be prepared for her to be hurt. She's trusted you with her news, she'll be questioning why that wasn't reciprocated.

cookiemonster2468 · 20/05/2022 07:18

One of my best friends told me she was pregnant at 5 months and it didn't even occur to me to be upset/ question why she hadn't told me until then.

Everyone's different and it is really your choice who you tell and when.

If she can't understand that then she is not really a supportive friend.

cookiemonster2468 · 20/05/2022 07:20

Notsaidnauting · 19/05/2022 18:01

Ok I wasn’t expecting people to suggest I was odd for not saying!

when would you tell? A month? Two?

Ignore those who are saying you are odd.

You do what you want to do and what feels comfortable to you.

There's no number on it, it's about when it feels right for you.

Intrigueddotcom · 20/05/2022 07:26

ouch321 · 19/05/2022 18:08

Why all the drama?

And why the catty 'I'm really thin' remark...

Let me guess
you are very overweight and highly sensitive about it

DottyLittleRainbow · 20/05/2022 07:30

Lots of people wait until they have had their NT screening results back or after anomaly scan around 20 weeks before they share news widely. You don’t need to justify why you’ve not shared the news earlier. It’s your pregnancy, I’m sure your friend will be happy for you.

Mycatsgoldtooth · 20/05/2022 07:33

I think of you say you were worried no one will question that. Sorry you’ve had some weird comments on this thread.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 20/05/2022 07:35

Now is the perfect time, you can say you wanted to wait until you knew everything was fine after the 12 week scan and you’ve been very busy so finding the right time to announce it has been difficult.
I’m sure everyone is going to be overjoyed for you!

Beanie567 · 20/05/2022 07:36

It is seriously weird because it puts you into a friend category where she has shared her news and her entire journey and you’ve kept yourself closed off.

WildNights · 20/05/2022 07:38

I don’t think 16 weeks is late to tell people at all. Most people wait til after the 12 week scan. It’s not like you’re due next week.

If you feel awkward (you shouldn’t) then just be honest, tell them you’ve been worried and you have a lot to sort out with moving and have felt a bit stressed. I’m sure everyone will just be happy for you.

carefullycourageous · 20/05/2022 07:38

Oh 16 weeks is OK, just say 'I have been so so worried, and stressed, and so I was too scared to tell anyone in case it went wrong'. I understand why you haven;t said - you are a person who preferred to deal with this quietly. That is fine.

If your friend has been through IVF, I would expect them to have had periods of stress, worry, upset and disappointment. If this doesn't make them able to understand the worry other people feel, that is their problem.

Just style it out, tell them now and laugh off any comments. You're fine. Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers and your house move Flowers

dudsville · 20/05/2022 07:40

I also don't think it's odd bout talking about it. I'd like to have been like that!

Travelwiththree · 20/05/2022 07:42

16 weeks if fine. I told my mum at 16 weeks and everyone else at 20 weeks. It's your news to share - up to you when you share it.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 20/05/2022 07:43

just get it out in the open op.
once its told its told
congratulations though

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