Is it going to look weird that I’ve left it this long?

[Notsaidnauting]

My best friend got pregnant a month before me. I found out I was pregnant when she was around two months. At first I felt awkward telling her as she had ivf and I supported her through it (she’s in a same sex relationship) and we have spoken in detail almost daily about how she’s feeling etc.

I don’t know why I didn’t just say when I found out…it wasn’t exactly planned by us although we’d talked about it. So I think friends and family may be surprised. But time has just gone on and I’ve not mentioned it to anyone apart from work!

DP is a very quiet sort of man and couldn’t care less what I do and he’s been happy to say nothing until I’m ready.

My friend finds out the gender soon so that will be the next thing. I’m very slim so it’s been easy to hide and I also have a tendency to dress up and dress down whenever I feel like it, so nobody I know would bat an eyelid if I wore a baggy top for instance, I’m not exactly fashionable/have a particular style so it’s easy to hide.

I think I also don’t want questions or excitement as I’m worrying a lot about the pregnancy and also where we will live as we are in the process of moving. I just don’t want the inevitable questions. But I have started to think that I’m practically half way through now and it’s a bit sad not to have shared it? I don’t know. I know my friend may well feel betrayed as we’ve literally talked of mostly baby stuff now for months.

Congratulations! Besides the fact that it's a totally personal choice when you tell people, I think it's not at all unusual to only tell people after the 12 week scan, so I can't imagine your friend not being understanding. She chose to share the news with you from an earlier point but that's her personal decision.

jesus 🙄

If you already feel like you've lied to her then lie a little bit more and say you just found out.

It'll be fine op. She shouldn't, if she is a reasonable person be remotely upset that you didn't share straight away. I thinknits understandable you didn't tell her. Just text her now arrange a catch up bevause you have some exciting news!! You never know, she might have guessed already. You don't need to explain yourself but if it makes you feel better just tell her you quite were quite anxious. Congratulations by the way!

I don’t think it’s that late at all. I didn’t tell my family and lots of friends until after 20 weeks.

I told a friend going through IVF at 18 weeks as I felt uncomfortable not telling her given the very intimate details she was sharing (and she knew I’d started trying). She understood my reasons why I had been quieter. Friendships don’t have to mean a completely equal sharing of intimacies, some people are simply more open than others. I have found being pregnant very strange and have no desire to shout about it.

But don’t lie to her ffs and claim you’ve only just found out!!

I also wouldn’t plan a big meet up reveal. She may well want to escape to process. Standard IVF etiquette applies.

I don't think it's gone too far. I didn't tell friends and family till after 20weeks scan.

I also never announced it on social media or anything, had no baby showers or anything.

I was just pregnant, and to be honest wasn't that bothered by it all.

People found out as they saw me in town in my later weeks and just said "congratulations"

Just say to you friend when you are ready, and if she asks why did you leave it so long to tell me, just reply, didn't fancy announcing it sooner.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Why is her stating a fact about her own body catty? Let me guess, you wouldn't have thought it was catty had she said she was fat....?

Because whilst I agree with you, it's not always relevant or interesting to the post and makes you look mental.

I actually think it’s worth pointing out. Words matter and sex and gender must not become interchangeable, as much as certain people want that to happen.

I think it’s perfectly normal not to tell people until at least 12 weeks gone.

Other than one close friend I didn’t tell anyone, including family (who I actually told at 16 weeks) until gone 12 weeks and even then it was as and when I saw people or the topic came up so it took a few months before everyone in my life knew.

There is no reason to tell your friend that you knew you were pregnant when she told you at 8 weeks (when you would have been 4?). Plenty of people don’t know at 4 weeks and even though you did, many wouldn’t share the news so early.

No drama about it but yes, I suppose start to tell people if you want?

And I wouldn’t lie about it and say you only just found out because that would result in a whole new conversation - “wow, so you didn’t have a 12 week scan? / Have you not had any symptoms then?” and digs you in to a big lie.
Omitting that you had just found out when she told you about her pregnancy is fine though.

You're 16 weeks pregnant? That's completely fine, please don't worry at all! There's no rule to say when you have to announce the news. I was 17-18 weeks before I told anyone, including my parents.

I would think telling people at 8 weeks is more unusual than telling at 16 weeks but as I said, there are no rules.

I always give an internal cheer when someone points it out as it saves me doing it and getting the pile on 😁

Weird just tell her.

catty? how?! 😂 quite the chip on your shoulder…

Bleuggggggh