I have everything, and yet I'm really struggling

[WhiteDoorBlue]

Just that really. I honestly have everything anyone could want and yet I am slipping and I've no idea how to catch myself.

I've a loving family, nice home, good friends, career etc. And yet I am so exhausted to the core of my being that I just can't cope. I'm withdrawing from friends. At first I was all "I'm just very tired and need to take some time out" but now even when I see them I don't have anything to say.

I barely function at work. I'm an NHS consultant. I burnt out during covid and had 2 months off. That was 18mo ago and I thought I was doing OK, had therapy etc. But honestly I think I'm heading back there, and in my specialty the demand isn't anything like it was even a year ago.

I just don't know what to do about it. I do all the things I'm supposed to good diet , exercise, take daily pleasure in nature,good sleep hygiene, minimal alcohol.

My bloods, thyroid etc are always normal. I'm not pre meno (checked).

I'm just done. Absolutely f'ing done. And I've no idea what on earth to do about it.

I'm scared to go off sick but also scared not to go off sick.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so stuck.

NC for this as I cba having this linked.

Oh dear oh dear. Physician heal thyself. You matter!!!!

Please don't feel you are a fraud to take sick pay. It's important that you get well again. Do you manage make time for exercise? ( I know with a toddler and work that it's hard)

"I would feel a fraud taking the sick pay. A colleague had a bad accident and is off sick, and my first response was to feel jealous"
This is a classic response in those with burn out.
You must take time off. You don't sound well enough to be at work.
Please contact practitioner health asap. They are really very good indeed.

www.practitionerhealth.nhs.uk/

OP it sounds like you are making sensible plans. I just wanted to back up one or two PPs - it's very normal to keep going through a crisis and then, once it's done and things are stable, THEN to fall apart. I've seen that pattern time and time again with friends and family.

Mental health/stress issues suffer from, I think, some trace of beliefs about "the soul" and "the mind" being somehow apart from your physical body. And of course medically speaking, that's not the case - everything, EVERYTHING, thoughts, emotions, reactions, decisions - is physical; some bit of biology makes it happen.

OP I do feel for you. Just to say please do take up any support from the resilience hub. I have had some really excellent help from my local resilience hub and continue to do so, they have done a great job at helping me to step back and look at myself and why I felt I could not show weakness and had to shoulder the burdens and carry on. They also recommended a book called "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris which I found really easy to read, although not so good for self-managing distressing flashbacks etc. They have been supportive throughout as has my GP and I also have had OH referrals, fit notes for reduced hours, amended duties etc (I know you were worried about mortgage etc, just to say my pay has not been affected by the amended duties/reduced hours etc)
Resilience hub don't do formal therapy but would have referred to Practitioner Health if necessary and they told me the wait would be a few weeks at most. So that could definitely be an option for you too.There is also DocHealtht is a reduced-fees psychotherapeutic consultation service for doctors, delivered by consultant psychotherapists (recommended by BMA etc)