I have everything, and yet I'm really struggling

[WhiteDoorBlue]

Just that really. I honestly have everything anyone could want and yet I am slipping and I've no idea how to catch myself.

I've a loving family, nice home, good friends, career etc. And yet I am so exhausted to the core of my being that I just can't cope. I'm withdrawing from friends. At first I was all "I'm just very tired and need to take some time out" but now even when I see them I don't have anything to say.

I barely function at work. I'm an NHS consultant. I burnt out during covid and had 2 months off. That was 18mo ago and I thought I was doing OK, had therapy etc. But honestly I think I'm heading back there, and in my specialty the demand isn't anything like it was even a year ago.

I just don't know what to do about it. I do all the things I'm supposed to good diet , exercise, take daily pleasure in nature,good sleep hygiene, minimal alcohol.

My bloods, thyroid etc are always normal. I'm not pre meno (checked).

I'm just done. Absolutely f'ing done. And I've no idea what on earth to do about it.

I'm scared to go off sick but also scared not to go off sick.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so stuck.

NC for this as I cba having this linked.

What are you doing?

@RosesAndHellebores you're not helping here, and you know it. You've absolutely no idea what it was like.

I am sorry you suffered. And your family. And your colleagues. I really am.

It's not covid top trumps where we get to beat each other up with how bad we all found it. Its OK, and legitimate, to say we struggled and continue to do so.

This thread is odd, why is anyone having a go at the op

op of course you can feel as you do

@RosesAndHellebores Where is your compassion? It's not a competition of who has had the shittiest couple of years.

I’m so shocked by those posts, especially given you clearly already feel like a fraud/like you shouldn’t be feeling this way, please disregard them.

Jeez @RosesAndHellebores have some compassion. It’s not a competition, I had a similar experience to you. And if it was a competition I think being a consultant during a pandemic wins.

OP look at different counselling and definitely try medication again. I hope you are feeling more able to cope soon.

Op you need to go off sick asap which I'm sure you know. You need to be top of your game in your role and you simply can't be right now & that's ok. Take the time off, gain some perspective & headspace and go from there. I'm also an NHS worker and it's been a fucker of a couple of years, you're not alone

Wowzers!
A competition on how awful you think your life is compared to OPs doesn't translate into how mentally well they should or shouldn't feel in comparison.

Hi OP, NHS hospital manager here. Have you considered referring yourself to Occupational Health? They will have seen this with many staff. It will help further down the line if you do go off work sick as it will show you did what you can to be proactive using the Trust's facilities

@RosesAndHellebores what an absolute arse you are.

@WhiteDoorBlue it might be worth exploring medication again, I’m guessing it was sertraline or citalopram? Also maybe asking for a emdr referral. It’s usually a long wait but it might help to explore the trauma of the last few years. Our trust has a well-being service which was set up during covid to support staff, does your trust have anything like that?
I think that we are so hard on ourselves but need to remember that we are just as important as our patients. What would you advise a patient in your situation to do?

@LadyLolaRuben will it really? Im so scared of being seen as incompetent and a nuisance, and that I'd get managed out for a poor sickness record. I've barely had a day off sick since I went back 18mo ago.

Op, it sounds like you've just given your absolute all, and have nothing left for yourself or anyone else.
Somehow you need to now fill your own cup, so that you don't break. What would help you do that? Be selfish for a bit now. What do you need for yourself?

@TabithaTittlemouse I'd tell them to speak to occupational health and their GP.

I was off sick on Friday with a virus and I just can't face going back in tomorrow.

Thank you everyone who has responded kindly. My head is a mess. I really appreciate it

I'm sorry I didn't mean to be unkind. I'm just tired of making people redundant.

I work in the NHS, are you aware of the nhs support offer thing? There is counselling, coaching and mental health care.

You can self refer to a local mental health hub I referred myself im Jan after I'd had 2 months off in Oct and Nov. I am / was very depressed and like yourself had a previous burn out

I saw a psychologist virtually within a week to be assessed, he liased with my gp around medication, safety etc. I then started weekly sessions and did 10 weeks in total, whilst in work. Your work don't need to know either.

It sounds like you have a mixture of PTSD and burnout. Am assuming a lot if not most NHs frontline medics must do. We aren't surprised that military come back with post combat PTSD, it's the same for you guys. I guess time, therapy and being gentle on yourself while assuming this is normal to feel this way. It is normal and am sure a lot of your colleagues feel this way

I could have written your post, I sympathise but probably don't have much good advice. I am the same, seemingly having it all (good job, nice house, beautiful family) but cannot find joy in anything. Even on family day out my mind is half occupied by millions of loose threads of random stuff/things to do/past regreets/etc.
I am finding a bit of enjoyment in growing flowers/veg and keeping house plant. If you found your house move fun, perhaps you just another 'project ' to focus on something that does not require too much intellect and something that gives you hope just like a new/bigger house gives you hope for better enjoyment.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think you sound depressed and tbh I think you have no idea how to relax. I don’t either. Being busy is my coping mechanism. If I’m stressed or overwhelmed I take on more stuff! It’s fucking stupid. It’s like I think the new stuff I’m committing to will kind of push out the other stuff that’s stressing me out.
I have no clue how to fix it so am listening in to the good advice you get.
ps. I’m on sertraline for anxiety and depression and it’s AMAZING. Just takes the edge of the terrifying panic that life is all a bit shit and pointless no matter how awesome it seems.
no clue if that makes sense of helps but I hope so. X

@Escapedescalope thanks, I am aware of bits but probably not the full package.

I think I just need a plan for getting through tomorrow. I have a HR person I can contact, and I can self refer to occupational health.

I was discharged from primary care MH a couple of months ago, but I can try other routes. I've heard v.good things about EMDR as a PP suggested.

You really are full of yourself. I'm aware of you popping up on other threads and you are just full of it, very me, me, me. Why not take a pay cut so that you don't have to lay staff off? If you've got nothing kind to say to the op, then just bugger off .

This is your anxiety talking.
im not sure what your support network at work is like- consultants world can be cut throat.
there is a lot of nurses who feel this way and have many years experience so would have classed themselves as resilient before this - if you got talking you would realise how common these feelings are.

I second going off sick- the original 2 months would have got you over the acute stress.
take the anti depressants to get you over this hump and slow your mind so you can process your thoughts . Finally have a chat to oh and see if some talking therap would be useful again. 💐
don’t beat yourself up - it’s has been an unbelievably shit time and your dc/ dh need you too.

This isn’t about you…

OP - I feel similar. Please go to occupational health & look into EMDR. You need to look after yourself as much as you can.

OP I just wanted to tell you I know where you're at, I have a perfect life from the outside, great husband, healthy and happy kids, lovely house, work part time, but life is so hard. No one warns you how hard adulting is, the pressures on women to have it all, to be grateful, live laugh love bullshit.
The pressure of everything nearly tips me over to the edge of sanity, I lost it today after having to put another load of washing on.
Why dont our parents warn us how mind numbingly hard, boring, difficult and stressful just being an adult is sometimes.
It's ok to not be ok sometimes, to admit defeat and get help.
Life. Is. Hard.
Don't be hard on yourself

I have a friend, who is very very resilient. She is a consultant in the NHS and worked through covid. She’s told me snippets of what it was like, and my goodness I couldn’t have survived it. Please be kind to yourself. To have experienced that must have been so tough.